If you’re single, or divorced, or maybe just out of a relationship and reading this, you are probably looking for useful information on how to improve your chances of finding a new partner. There are gazillion websites and self-help books out there offering their expertise. Therefore it’s surprising to me that not all resources have been exhausted for advice; that singles are still not sure of how best to go about finding that elusive mate. Instead of giving tips today about your appearance, behavior, conversation, etc. on a date, I want to ask you a question that may surprise you: Would you date yourself?
Step 1: Take a critical look at yourself from the perspective of somebody else. Get out the big looking-glass! And I don’t mean just for your looks or sense of dress. Look deeper: How does this person project herself? Does she seem to be a happy individual? Is she content with her life? Is she somebody I would like to get to know and spend time with? What are her strong suits? It’s not a secret that people see themselves differently than other people do. May I say through tinted glasses?
Step 2: Look at your expectations. What do you expect from a partner? Is your list of requirements a mile long and realistic? What are the non-negotiable necessities about a partner and what is merely the icing on the cake, sorry, I mean on a mate for you? Where would you compromise? Can the standards of this person be met without resorting to a magic wand or cosmic intervention? What can be changed about you? Maybe something about your demeanor and attitudes? If you cannot answer these questions honestly – and I admit it is not easy – I suggest you get some help; be that a trusted friend for a good heart-to-heart discussion or a professional consultant for a make-over. You need someone with an unbiased critical eye to assess what you have to offer, but above all, you need honesty for this to work. By taking this approach to dating, the perspective shifts away from an ever demanding me and instead, subtly focuses on your counterpart. Our “Because You Are Worth it!” generation needs a colossal shift in consciousness and become more aware of reality and what is achievable. This may not be what you expected; but don’t knock it until you have tried.
Siggy Buckley is a College teacher, emigrant to Ireland, Ex Farmer’s Wife turned business owner and the Author of NEXT TIME LUCKY: Lessons of a Matchmaker