Online Dating Humor: 50 Carats


 

By Lucas Owen

 

Bill, who had been single for a long time and met the girl of his dreams on an online dating site has decided to ask his girlfriend to marry him. He goes to a jewelry store to find the perfect ring.

The female sales associate shows him some rings on display. However, Bill doesn’t like any of them. The sales associate can see the disappointment in his face but doesn’t want to lose the sale. She tells him to wait and disappears into a back room. When she returns, she is carrying a small blue ring box.

“We just got this one. We weren’t going to display it until next week, but for you, I have made an exception,” the sales associate says. “We are selling it at a very discounted price.”

The diamond was gorgeous and had to be at least 50 carats. “I’ll buy it,” Bill says triumphant.

He is astoundingly excited when he arrives home and prepares for the romantic evening. A catering company delivers a lavish dish to his home along with dessert and helps him set up the dinner table. When they leave, he closes all the drapes in the house, lights some candles and puts on some cool soothing music.

Because he has music on, he doesn’t hear that the phone has been repeatedly ringing. He hears it only when he decides to change the record that’s playing in his stereo.

“Hello,” Bill answers.

“Bill, it’s Joyce.”

“Hey Joyce, how are you. I am looking forward to tonight.”

“Bill, what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your house is on the News.”

“What?”

“They say that you are the leader of a diamond smuggling ring.”

“What?”

“Bill, I seriously think that this relationship is not going to work out.”

“But Joyce…”

She hangs up on him.

That is when he notices vague lights beyond his thick curtains. He goes over to one of the curtains and draws it open. There are a number of police squad cars and police officers in his driveway.

The doorbell rings.

Bill opens it nervously.

“We have a warrant for your arrest. We have your associates from the jewelry store in custody as well. You best be advised to cooperate with us and also tell us where you’ve hidden the most coveted diamond ring in the world which was stolen from the Windsor Museum a week ago,” a tall policeman orders.

Bill swallows and responds, “It’s in the chocolate pudding.”

 

 

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