Dating Humor: 100 Court Orders


 

By Lucas Owen

 

Dan has been dating his girlfriend, Beverly, for two years. He feels it’s time to ask her to move in with him. He is a little nervous that she will say no. However, when he asks her, she happily agrees. Dan goes to her apartment to help her with the moving process. She already has a bunch of boxes ready. While she is in another room, Dan notices one box that reads, ‘Legal Notices.’

Dan goes to the box and opens it. The box is completely stacked with sheets of paper. He picks one of them up and starts reading;

‘By order of the court, you are not to be within 20 feet of Ms. Louise Bachman….’

Baffled, Dan picks up another sheet. It reads;

‘By order of the court, you are not to be within 20 feet of Mr. Charles Laurence…’

He picks up another-

‘By order of the court, you are not to be within 20 feet of Ms. Vanity Wilkins…’

Another-

‘By order of the court, you are not to be within 20 feet of  Mr. Ray Constable…’

And yet another-

‘By order of the court, you are not to be within 20 feet of Mr. Joseph Montgomery…’

Beverly walks into the room.

“What is this Beverly?” Dan asks.

Beverly waves her hand dismissively. “Just a bunch of stupid court orders. I pepper sprayed the eyes of several guests of my former roommate.”

“What!”

“I had no choice. They were invading ‘our’ space. You don’t have to worry though, I don’t do that anymore.”

Dan breathed a sigh of relief.

“A blow torch is so much more effective.”

 

 

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