Online Dating Humor: Just Cause


By Lucas Owen


After meeting through an online dating service and blissfully dating for 2 years, Marcus and Angie are about to be married in a church. The priest asks the church, “If anyone has just cause why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Silence descends on the church.

As the priest is about to continue with the ceremony, a woman in the audience raises her hand.

“Yes, young lady,” the Priest says.

The entire church turns to the woman.

“I really don’t have anything against them Father but there was this one time I lent Angie a dollar for her to use to get a snack from a vending machine and she is yet to pay me back.”

The woman sits.

Another guest raises a hand.

“Yes, young man,” the Priest says.

“Nothing major here, it’s just that I am still waiting to get my vinyl recording of the Temptations. Angie still hasn’t given it back to me since the 12th grade.”

The man sits.

Another guest raises a hand.

“Yes, young lady,” the Priest says.

“It’s nothing really, but Angie, I really want my leather purse back. Remember I lent it to you when you just graduated college and we were going out to celebrate. I really miss it.”

Soon, almost every hand in the church was raised.

The Priest, overwhelmed, looks at the couple and says, “There will be no wedding today until all your affairs are handled. We will complete the ceremony in a week’s time.”

“But Father,” the couple begin.

“End of discussion,” the Priest says emphatically.

The couple shut up.

“By the way,” the Priest says as he loosens his collar, “as I was running late for the rehearsal last week, I received a $250 speeding ticket. Be sure to bring that money with you when you return next week.”


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