As a man looking for a romantic partner on an online dating site, coming across a woman who wants to be friends first before dating isn’t unusual.
This does leave you with a conundrum.
Her dating profile was interesting enough and there is much in common between interests, but you are stymied by her intention to be friends first before dating.
Such hesitation is warranted.
Agreeing to take her up on being friends first doesn’t mean that getting to date her some day is a given.
Though you believe there is much to connect with her on in terms of interests, you are weary of going along with being friends first for months, as you develop romantic feelings for her and end up with nothing but a friendship.
As you consider whether to become her friend, don’t lose sight of the reason why you are on the dating site.
You are seeking a romantic partner.
The danger of talking to a woman who is expressly wanting to be friends first before dating is that you don’t know where that is coming from.
Was she jilted by a prior lover, leaving her so emotionally damaged that she is not open to anything but friendship?
A woman who is wanting to be friends first before dating based on a bad breakup from her past, has emotional issues she is yet to resolve.
This puts you at a disadvantage.
No matter how amazing her online dating profile is, don’t get too swept up on the promise that a friendship with her is poised to transition to dating.
Where there is emotional angst, there is an emotional blockade.
The woman isn’t always privy to the knowledge that she is harboring negative emotions from her previous relationship.
A lack of emotional availability is not right at the forefront of the thoughts of a person who is looking for friends first on a dating site.
In her mind, she is looking to take it slow and see whether you are worthy of romantic potential, as she gets to know you as a friend.
There is nothing wrong with this approach, in theory.
But, when there is emotional havoc within that she hasn’t remedied, there is no realistic room within her to give you a shot at romance, no matter how good of a friend you are to her.
None of this means that you have to completely write off a woman who is wanting to be friends first before dating upon coming across one on a dating site.
It isn’t unheard of for two people to transition from friends to lovers, but you need to do your due diligence before choosing to be her friend first.
Ask her the right questions so as to ascertain whether she has an emotional blockade that she herself may not even be aware of.
The easiest path to discovery is in asking her about her last few relationships and whether she was friends first with those partners before dating them.
In telling you that she was, ask her about how long those relationships were.
Where there is a pattern of short-lived relationships, this has to give you concern.
A pattern of short-lived relationships suggests that even after starting as friends before transitioning into dating, these previous partners never succeeded in maintaining a long-term relationship with her.
Normally, this has much to do with a woman who continues to harbor emotional issues from a past relationship that she has never resolved.
Should you elect to be her friend first and transition to dating her, the likelihood that you are yet another short-lived romantic relationship is profound.
In which case, the friends first act was a colossal waste, especially when you harbored significant romantic feelings for her.