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Luke 3 years, 7 months ago.
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MelissaI met this guy through work about a year ago now, and in April of this year we started getting close. We became best friends by the end of May and hung out all the time. At the time I had been in an emotionally abusive relationship for two years and he helped and supported me out of it. At the same time he was with a girl that he dated for 7 months but would complain to me that they didn’t have an emotional connection or very much in common and he wanted to date a best friend. A few weeks later he broke up with her and we kept hanging out and feelings kept building up between us. Eventually he asked where we wanted the relationship to go and we ended up dating for a few days. I accidentally came off a bit strong as I had been in a 2 year relationship and only got out recently and didn’t quite realize that I wasn’t as healed and back to normal as I thought. He broke things off and mentioned that he didn’t think he was ready for a serious relationship and he didn’t think I was either which I agreed with. Since then we’ve maintained our friendship, and he got back together with the girl he was with before we were a thing. However, since the past couple months, he has been flirting with me again, being friendly in the ways that he used to before we started our few days of officially dating. My friends are all picking up on him flirting with me and telling me I need to distance myself cause it isn’t okay that he is flirting with me while with someone else, which I agree too. However I also know that he is a great guy and this is SO extremely out of character for him. I don’t know if he likes us both and wants to have me in the future when we’re both ready for something where we’re basically soulmates and is just biding his time with his ex that he doesn’t get along with as well to satisfy him physically? I really don’t know. All I know is I don’t want to be played with emotionally but at the same time it seems like he still has feelings for me but I don’t know what he’s doing. Please help! Thank you so much.. we still hang out all the time too, maybe not quite as much as him and his girlfriend especially since I’ve started distancing from him but I really can’t tell what’s going on.
MelissaI would also like to add that this guy is literally my best friend. He knows me more than I even know myself sometimes, we click together extremely well, always laughing, joking, same sense of humor, having a fun time, playing video games, hanging out, everything is so natural.
Hi Melissa,
It is unlikely that he is just biding his time with his ex so as to be satisfied physically while hoping that he will end up with you at some point in the future as soulmates.
The both of you dated for a few days and he ended up breaking things off.
Though he told you that he didn’t think that he was ready for a serious relationship, that was most likely untrue.
It didn’t take him long to go back to his prior girlfriend after breaking things off with you.
Even though he told you that he doesn’t have an emotional connection with her nor do they have very much in common, he clearly feels comfortable enough with her to have gone back to her.
If he truly wanted to be with you, he would have at least given the relationship a fighting chance.
Giving up on it only after a few days is not an indication of a guy who truly wants to be with you.
He has been friendly and flirty with you in the past couple of months because he feels like he can behave in this way and get away with it with you.
Being that he is your best friend, he may feel that you would not mind this kind of behavior because he knows you very well and the both of you just click.
You are his safe territory.
With you, he can flirt and joke around freely in a way that he couldn’t with some random girl or some other female coworker who may misconstrue his behavior as a sign that he is interested.
He flirts for fun with the belief that it is harmless because he is doing it with you.
However, none of this behavior means that he has the kind of feelings for you that would make him want to get into a serious relationship with you at some point.
It is best not to overthink what he is doing and risk getting yourself emotionally hooked.
He just flirts with you because he knows that he can do it without consequences.
He gets an ego boost from it.
He doesn’t intend nor does he want the flirting to go beyond just lighthearted fun.
He broke up with you only after a few days because he realized that he was much more comfortable having you as a best friend as opposed to a relationship partner.
He wants to keep it that way.
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