Constant Staring, But When I Asked Him Out, He Rejected Me

[Llovese]

For about three months this guys who works at the store has been staring at me.

I’ve caught him staring and looking away fast–I’ve seen him literally leaning over the conveyor belt to look at me–and just generally “checking me out” according to my friends. Sometimes he seems excited and sometimes he doesn’t smile, but he has never approached me or started a conversation.

I thought the staring and attention might mean that he was interested in me and that he might just be shy, so today I approached him, told him I liked and asked him if he would like to go out. He said no in an angry tone and asked if he could help with anything else. I just said no and left.

It’s ok he said no, but I didn’t expect it to be so abrupt and rude. I’m just confused because of his previous staring/attention, and not sure why he would react like that. When I would see him talking to other people, he seemed to smile and be kind. I also made sure to catch him at a time when no one else was around so he wouldn’t feel pressured or embarrassed.

My friends said to see how he reacts the next time I see him and if he keeps staring, ask him why.

It’s just frustrating to be led on and rejected in that way. I’m not sure how to approach this.

[LukeKeymaster]

Hi Llovese,

He may still be dealing with the emotional repercussions of a previous relationship.

The constant staring over the course of the last 3 months may have been due to him wrestling with the idea of approaching you.

However, he may have never approached you or started a conversation because he knew that he just wasn’t emotionally ready to do so.

He is probably still in that state of mind.

This may be why he reacted to you in an abrupt and angry tone when he turned you down.

[Llovese]

Thank you for the quick reply. I’m just not sure what to do next. Do I let him continue to stare at me and not say anything, approach him about it, or just completely ignore him altogether? I’m not a mean person, but I don’t want someone to think it’s ok to treat me poorly or mess with my emotions.

[LukeKeymaster]

At this juncture, if he were to continue staring, he would be playing mind games with you. This is not a situation that you should allow yourself to get drawn into.

It would be best to just avoid making eye contact with him altogether. This way, you don’t risk getting caught up in those mind games if he chooses to continue staring at you.

If you avoid making eye contact altogether, it will be hard for him to keep staring at you because you wouldn’t be giving him anything to work with in terms of acknowledgment or reaction.

This will most likely lead to an end to the staring.

[Author]

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