Ex is mad at me

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Luke 2 months ago.

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  • #24747 Reply

    Mark

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    Hey, I have an ex that is angry with me, We we’re together for 3 or 4 months and it was my first relationship. The relationship was very toxic and we were always arguing and fighting about things I always felt drained, she was very crazy, insecure, and controlling. She broke up with me last year August and we blocked each other everything but when I got back to school she was harassing me over a sweater and tryna see me in person and I never did see her but she would tell all my friends that I’m a bad person even tho I ain’t do nothing bad . So fast forward to last month I’ve moved on from her and I feel she did also kinda but we tried to be friends again but I honestly just wanted to have fwb relationship with her, but I can see from the way we have been communicating online that is still likes me an wants to talk about all the problems we’ve had and we did. So she asked after the convo what I really want from her and I said 1. To Be friends 2. Is not to get back together but continue our sexual relationship. And she got pissed went off on me and saying I never change and I’m a bad person then she blocked me again and a week later sending me a text saying “get my act together” with a pic of a negative quote about me, and everytime she reaches out I try and talk to her on the phone so I can have stop being so mad at me but is always defensive with me when we talk, What should I do next?

    #24753 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Mark,

    Amid all of this type of behavior from her, if you are still looking to pursue an fwb relationship with her, it may work to your benefit to start with friendship.

    Her insecurity may stem from the feeling that she can’t trust anyone that she dates. It may be best to work on gaining her trust through fostering a friendship with her first.

    In time, if she comes to trust you, she may be more open to the idea of having an fwb relationship with you.

    Try not to get drawn into a fight with her over what she is currently angry with you about. Instead, start the next conversation with her by asking her an open-ended question about herself.

    #24834 Reply

    Mark

    How do I get her to trust me to be friends again if she’s mad at me and she knows what I really want which is sex?

    #24838 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    You will have to avoid talking about sex or flirting with her in a way that suggests that you just want sex from her.

    You get her to trust you by making conversation with her that is focused on getting to know her better as a person.

    If you do this consistently over time, you will be able to convince her that you are not just looking for sex from her and this understanding will also help her stop being mad at you.

    Yes, it may take a few attempts at substantive conversation before she is able to respond without anger.

    However, as long as you are consistent, she will not be able to stay mad and will eventually start responding to your attempts at having substantive conversations that are focused on getting to know her better as a person.

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