Hasn't committed to me yet it’s been almost 2 years

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    Charlotte Holder

    I have been talking to a guy for 1 year 9 months. At the beginning he would take me to the movies and get food but now he barely comes over and he says we will do something then we never do it it’s so annoying. Also at for the fist 7 months he wanted me to just talk to him but I stopped because he didn’t make it official and he got mad and said I was cheating. I made it up to him as time passed and we got past this. he said he wanted to ask me out the right way and take me to a really nice dinner when I graduated but he never did. We ended up going on a break after I was lurking on his page because I found a playlist on his phone of love songs that had a girls name on the cover with hearts. He said they never dated and it was a high school thing but they followed each other on socials and she got mad at him because I was lurking. We got past this and we took a break for a month in December which was really good for both of us. After he opened up to me and told me more details about his depression episodes he has sometimes. This time it’s really bad and he isolated himself. I told him I’m here for him and that I appreciate him telling me because I said I didn’t want to go on a break this time. I want to try and get through this with him because if we are going to be together forever we need to be able to work though things. He said he can’t think straight because of his depression and he mentioned that he didn’t want to talk about what we where gonna do in the relationship until he could think straight. He keeps saying he doesn’t want to string me along. He’s said this before and he still hasn’t given me a clear answer. He said he wants to be sure that if he commits to me he can trust me to be loyal if he has to leave for a long period for work in the future. He says he dose everything by himself and he likes it that way and for this he didn’t want me to feel like he didn’t like doing things with me. I want to stay with him but I don’t want to get played. He says he’s not playing me but he’s still unsure. Should I tell him that I’m gonna take a step back and let him figure it out and see if he comes back or just completely end it or stay and see if he figured it out? I don’t know what to do

    Thank you



    Hi Charlotte,

    2 years is more than enough time for him to have committed to you and he hasn’t.

    He has kept you around because he knows that you are someone that will be there for him and this gives him a sense of security.

    In essence, he is getting what he needs out of you but is unwilling to make the ultimate compromise.

    He knows that committing to you would mean that he will have to be accountable for his actions or lack thereof and he doesn’t want to be responsible for that.

    He has become very comfortable in this 2 year ordeal and has no intention of making a change.

    Yes, you should completely end it.

    He is not trying to figure anything out. Sticking around will only encourage him to continue acting in the same way that he always has.

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