Help! Too many mixed signals

Home Forums Online Dating   Help! Too many mixed signals

This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Rain 3 years, 5 months ago.

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
  • Author
  • #21339


    Hi Luke
    I would really appreciate if you could let me know you thoughts on the situation I am going through: I started talking to this guy during summer (although we know each other since highschool, he is the one of my friends’ brother, but we haven’t met or seen for about 15 years). He lives in a another city, therefore our conversations are on FaceTime. He is not dating anyone, had really bad experiences with women, his long term girlfriend cheated on him (they broke up 3-4 years ago). Since then, couldn’t make any relationship.
    Since summer, we met 4 times weekends together, which were nice. But for 2 month now, we didn’t meet, even if distance is not a problem, or I would not have a problem in going to see him, if I were invited of course.
    His behavior is boyfriend-like, calling me and chatting like 2-3 times a day, for hours, in the morning and during evenings, until he or I go to bed. Our conversations don’t include our situation, what are we, which makes me frustrated, because I don’t know were this is going…
    So I decided to force a talk in order to see what’s on his mind and he told me that we are friends, that he doesn’t not exclude the possibility of us having a relationship as he is looking for a long term commitment, but firstly he wants to be friends with his lover, which I appreciate a lot and seems very genuine. He asked me if i think we are in a relationship, I say well, it would be great to know his thoughts on our situation so that I know if we can let our options open, in terms of dating other people. He did not seem to like it, but neither he opposed to this idea.
    The thing is that I don’t know if I should
    Invest more time and energy in this video all relationship, I don’t understand why he does not make an effort to meet. Also, he says he is not happy living a small city, but neither does anything to move…
    I should mention that we both are very stubborn and have a lot of pride, but more like a self protection mechanism. We are very connected, spiritually and in communication, I feel him like being the male version of me. I would like to have more clarity in this relationship.



    Hi Diane,

    He may still have issues with trust, being that his ex girlfriend cheated on him.

    He has found safety in the status quo.

    This is why he is giving you mixed signals.

    He likes that he is able to have conversations with you multiple times a day without having to bear the responsibility of putting a label on the relationship.

    In essence, he gets the boyfriend treatment to an extent, without having to commit.

    He likes the status quo because he most likely doesn’t want to get hurt again nor take risks.

    This attitude even persists in how he goes about living his life.

    He has complained about living in a small city and yet has done nothing to change that.

    He just likes the safety of the status quo.

    As long as there are no real stakes, he would rather remain in this mindset for the foreseeable future.



    Hi Luke, thanks a lot for your reply. I really appreciate it, also your videos on YouTube, taking your time to answer all our questions.
    Indeed, he is very laidback, quite lazy I would dare to say, and it’s quite a struggle to take someone out of the comfort zone if the stake is not worth it.
    For me it’s the same: I never turn a desire into an ambition if it’s not worth the effort.
    He reacts with jealousy if I tell him I would go out with “a friend”, heats up for a few days, but then cools off. And at 30s and over adults are tired of playing this kind of games.
    I am still thorn between letting him go and move on with my life or keeping going to see how things will play out.
    Sending all my good thoughts to you!



    Hi Diane,

    Thank you for your kind words and you are welcome.

    Yes, it is quite a struggle to take someone out of their comfort zone.

    For it to work, they really have to be invested in making that change.

    Whatever you decide, always understand your worth.



    Hello Sir,

    She’s kind of a nerdy girl. I never saw her with anybody just like she doesn’t have a friend. We first noticed each other in the library and we were in the same lecture. At first, she stared at me several times in the lecture hall. I even noticed that when I asked questions to the professor during the break time she still stared at me. During that time, she would always stare at me for a long time. Before the midterm, we saw each other every day in the library. I noticed that she’s like looking at what I’m doing almost every time she passed by my seat.
    Sometime later, maybe she found that I noticed her, whenever we caught each other’s eyes when she passed by me, she walked away quickly. Sometimes it’s like she walks really quiet and kind of slow and when I try to look at her she will suddenly speed up. Also, whenever we bump into each other she acts like I do not exist or super strange although I’m sure we exactly know each other. Recently, no matter where I sit, I always feel that she will pass through that place more often than usual, maybe it is just coincidence or just my feeling or whatever? Also, she is almost completely ignoring me when she passes through me. However, I think I caught up each other’s eyes for more than four times from a long distance but I’m not sure whether she’s really looking at me.
    We bump up again in the last week of this term and at that time she smiled very secretly and immediately look away (I‘m pretty sure this time). So I finally go and introduce myself to her two days later and this is the first and only conversation we have but after that I still feel she is avoiding me but not like truly avoiding me. At the last day in the library I was looking for some books on the bookshelf. (P.S. Bookshelves are arranged in rows) She just passed by the bookshelf I was in at first and we saw each other, After a while, she slowly walked towards me from another bookshelf in the same row as me, and then left the aisle. I’m too shy at that time and I didn’t even look at her when she came over.

    I’m sorry the question seems too long. I really like this girl and I do not want to lose the chance. This question has struggled me for a long time. I just wanna find out she likes me or even hate me or just nothing happens.

    Thank you

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.