How should I approach this situation?

[James]

Hey, I first off would like to thank you for all your help; your advice is the best I’ve seen on youtube. This is a long question, so I would like to thank you for taking the time to read it and I hope I clearly explained the situation to you. I REALLY need your help, I have no one I can go to for this. If there’s something missing or confusing you, send me an email and I will be glad to clarify. Also could you disclose this information, I don’t want her somehow seeing this and knowing it could be me.

So, I’ve met this girl about a year ago in a fitness class, we spoke once or twice then things happened and I left for a few months. About 2 months ago I ran into her while I was working out and we spoke in the gym for about 2 hours catching up. Since my schedule changed and I’ve been going to the gym at a later time, I’ve been seeing her quite often, and we would always chat for about 2 hours (give or take 30 minutes). Shes a very friendly girl and we have quite a bit in common (background, educational path, hobbies) which is likely why I am began to like her. She and I quickly became friends; smile and greet whenever we see each other and occasionally mock each other. I know that sometimes you check to see if the person gives you special treatment or is it part of their behaviour. So I noticed that she speaks to everyone she comes in contact with but only for about 10 minutes (15 tops) but she and I would speak for an hour or so every night we see each other in the gym. Mutual friends of ours (fitness trainer and instructor, and another friend) noticed she and I always together talking and they were curious if something was going on between us. They told me to go for it but I knew I had to be methodical. This isn’t a typical girl, she’s relgious so she refrains from touching and all the basic signs most girls do. Shes very classy and elegant. I never met someone this beautiful, kind, and similar in mind as me so I wanted to take a chance. A week ago after fitness class, we spoke for about 4 hours and I decided to just ask her out, but she told me that she just wants to be friends for now, she doesn’t want to complicate her life and she doesn’t date for religious reasons (we are the same religion). She told me she dated once and it ended horribly because the parents wanted her to marry/date someone in her religion. I completely understood since my family is similar and she and I have similar beliefs, morals, and views due to our similar backgrounds. So I accepted it, said ok cool no problem. Rejection doesn’t bother me, but next time I saw her I noticed she was being distant, she said hi and walked off. I played it cool and stumbled upon your rejection videos and noticed what was happening. I remained cool whenever I saw her and played it like nothing happened, and the second time I saw her after the rejection she approached me and we talked like usual. Now, I know you said move on after rejection and find someone else but let me tell you something about myself, I don’t fall for girls easily. I initially wasn’t interested in her, just taught she looked nice but only when I found out she has a beautiful personality and all the things we have in common, did I start to develop feelings for her. So she and I are back to friends right now I guess. So my series of questions are: Does the time she and I spent together not count as a sign of interest? What do you think I should do? Does making jokes about my interest in her help? Would becoming more flirtatious work? Or is it over in your opinion? It’s rare for me to find a girl like this, so I’d rather have her as a friend than cut her out of my life.

I apologize for the long question, it’s just that she’s running through my mind, I can’t get her out and all I think about it what to do next. it’s driving me crazy, this has never happened to me before.

[Author]

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