Is it worth it?

[Tom]

Alright, this is a long one. Sorry in advance.

I met this girl through a friend of mine who dated her for a short amount of time, they obviously broke up really badly (friend cheated on her).
I was already sort of friends with her by knowing her through him.
But after they broke up, I distanced myself and supported my friend. I impulsively msg’d her about 5 months after and we clicked and hit it off really well. I think this is where I made my biggest mistake, I didn’t make my intentions fully known and just played the role of friend to her whilst Idolizing her to some extent and building that image in my mind.

It got to the point where she was going to Uni when I made my move. I confessed to her and did some cringy lovesick stupid things. In the end, she kissed me on the lips and acted really into me before I walked her home.
The next day she said something about not wanting to do long-distance and not being committed. So we left it at that, I decided enough was enough and moved on whilst she went off to uni.
A few weeks later we find ourselves talking again, I think she was under the assumption I was no longer into her and she wanted to rekindle the friendship. So I kind of got back into her…
Then she came back for the christmas and new years do at our home town.
We dropped LSD and hung out in my room all day. I was a nervous reck so to speak but didn’t let it show on the outside. I remember vividly her saying something about there being a ‘perfect room’ right now and some other sexual references, but since I was off my head I didn’t pick up on them or just couldn’t act on them due to fear. Obviously she had rejected me before and I didnt want to put my head on the chopping block agaim.

So we left it at that and she went back to Uni again.
Determined to call it quits I didn’t message her for about a month and she did the same.
Then out of the blue she pops up again and we hangout and go clubbing a few times. Nothing happens but it was mutual.

Then after her first year she comes back talking about a mistake she made with a guy she liked at Uni. I just kind of blanked it for them most part whilst down playing the guy.
We go out drinking and do the typical catch up, its not like I had anything better to do and always the opportunist.
I recently sorted my car out and randomly asked her to see the new IT movie that drops soon. She agreed to it and said I can stay at her apartment overnight.

I’m uncertain as to whether I tell her that im still interested or just go with the flow and try to make a move.
I was drunk the other night whilst we planned it and said “if you want me then send details of where you’re at”.
She said yes and sent me the details.
Atm I have finally come to terms with the fact I can’t have a friendship with this girl, It always reverts back to the same fantasy in my head whenever we talk.
And It’s getting quite painful.

I’m unsure as to let my intentions be known now or on the day.

thanks for reading, I hope you can give some constructive criticism of my predicament.

[LukeKeymaster]

Hi Tom,

It is best to let your intentions be known now.

Do understand that this girl has rejected you once before and that she has not truly shown any convincing signs of romantic interest thereafter.

She may have said what she did when the both of you were on LSD, but, the both of you were on LSD. She was not exactly clearheaded at the time.

However, if you still feel that you want another chance at this girl, it is best that you let your intentions be known now.

You have to get her out of that friendship mindset.

You should have never allowed the friendship relationship to get as far as it did before finally letting her know how you felt about her.

But you did.

Now, she has you in the friendship category in her mind and it will be incredibly difficult to get yourself out of it.

You have also not done yourself any favors by building her up to such a fantastical level in your mind.

Again, if you still feel the need to try again with this girl, let your intentions be known now.

The longer you wait, the more you will make her out to be a lot more than what she really is in your mind.

This will make it that much harder for you to make your intentions known because you would have raised the stakes to an impossibly high level.

[Author]

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