No contact since last argument

[Nelly]

I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years . Great chemistry and we enjoy spending time with each other and I think he does care about me but I met him when he was going through a divorce AND IS STILL going through it. Bottom line he is married . I have seen evidence of divorce proceedings and the delays in dividing the businesses they own . But I still feel like he isn’t completely transparent.
A week ago we got into a big fight Which was indirectly involved in his divorce..I went off on him. I called him that night a few times but no answer and then apply the next morning I called him and sent him an email to call me back. His reply was . »so you can continue to rip off more bull*t about how you will destroy me »
I did not reply to that message and I didn’t called him back and neither has he.its been a week.
I like him and he is my best friend at this point but I’m not sure if I should reach out to him.

1. Will I hear back from him
2. Do you think he is done with the relationship
3. How do I get him to to transparent with me no matter what?

[LukeKeymaster]

Hi Nelly,

You may hear back from him, but it may not necessarily be in a romantic capacity.

The strain of his marriage and dividing businesses with his ex-wife has put a lot of stress on his life.

The thought of talking to you, especially during this very stressful period for him, may be something that he just doesn’t want to deal with.

All he would think about is how you may try to fight with him about his lack of transparency and what not, and he may just not want to have to deal with all that on top of the other stresses that he is going through with his ex.

He may be done with the romantic aspects of your relationship with him. This may happen immediately or it may take a little while longer for his romantic efforts to simply give out.

However, being that you consider him to be a best friend, there is still a possibility that a lukewarm friendship may be able to be salvaged from this relationship at a point where his emotions have tapered off and he is no longer angry with you.

This is irrespective of whether the romance ends immediately or at some point in the near future.

He will not be transparent with you. He doesn’t believe that his problems with his ex have anything to do with you nor that you have any right to interfere with them.

The both of you had dated for almost two years before this fight.

That was more than enough time for him to have given you transparency but he never did.

This indicates that he has no intention to do so now or for the foreseeable future.

[Nelly]

No Luke

I want him back
What can I do to get him back but still maintaining respect and some control.

He cares about me more than that.
I know

Fuck ( pardon my French)

[Nelly]

Luke
I think we have invested a lot in each other for him to just dump me like that.

I know I went pretty hard this time but it’s not our first argument.
Every relationship is going to have Disagreements at some point right? This guy is invested in my family , he Has a good relationship with my mom ,with my sister and my nephews and nieces .
like what do I do?
Please help me fix this.
The only thing is I know that I need to have some control of this relationship because he’s passive and In a way I have to be on top of him or else he doesn’t tell me things.

[Suzy]

Hey Nelly, can l start by saying thank you for your advice. I really appreciated it x

I have never been through a divorce or married either but l can imagine for him depending on how long he has been together with his ex it’s a very emotionally and physically draining and exhausting experience to get through. I remember someone telling me that it’s important for a guy to be clear of who is, what he is and have a secure income and from my understanding all these from the divorce maybe being threatened.

Man are solution focused therefore he probably can’t find solutions to resolve issues that maybe tangled alongside the divorce, and guys find it difficult to express their emotions and feelings unlike women because it may reflect them as weak and inadequate. His behaviour and response may not be mainly because of you. Sometimes, l myself prefer silence, time and self-isolate myself whether socially or via social media when feeling stressed or overwhelmed until l can get back to the real world with a clear mindset. It might take weeks but l will get to that peace of mind eventually. And that may be what he needs right now.

You really care about him and what him back. But for now l think just be their for him emotionally whether it’s through text or phone call. Don’t call or text him several times if he doesn’t reply, he will eventually get back. But just let him know you are their behind him, supporting him and if he needs anyone to speak to your just one call away. Be his friend, and if he wants more than friendship then make it crystal clear to him you will need to be his priority or at least he will need to have his priorities in order. For me, ideally in this order: 1. God, 2. you, 3. work etc. Because if he doesn’t he will continue playing mind games, make you question your relationship and have unnecessary and unhealthy arguments or disagreements. Please set your standards and make them clear so that not only do you gain control and respect, you will get to know how far and how much he loves you. Also him know you want a committed relationship. Timing to have these conversations is also important, and your standards can be shown through your body language, attitude and behaviour .

Please be patience because it’s only been a week and carry on with your life. Keeping yourself busy and speaking to family and friends in general about anything doesn’t have to be related to him. This may help you to not think about him for a moment and not feel obligated to contact him. You are an amazing person, and he is definitely lucky to you have .

Please take care x

Sorry for any grammar mistake and hope you find it helpful at least.

Many thanks,
Suzy

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