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Luke 3 years, 9 months ago.
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KristaBeen in a relationship with a guy for about 4.5 months. After a disagreement I left & we did not spk for 3wks. We had another brief period of not speaking for a week back in Oct. It seems like I usually I initiate contact after disagreements but he is always receptive & willing to get things back in place. We have a pretty good relationship overall however both of us are very stubborn in times of discord. This round he seems distant & although we r spkg it’s not the same. Should I fall back or be true to my feelings. I am initiating the texts or calls & although he says he misses me he has not attempted to ask to see me either. He has says he loves me up until the break but not since we have been spkg again. We are 40 & 42 yrs old…Please help!
Hi Krista,
You should stop initiating the texts and calls.
You have always been the one to come back to him when you have both had disagreements in the past.
You left after the last disagreement. But then you came back 3 weeks later. He knows that you always come back.
Thereby, you have given him the majority of the power in this relationship.
He has been distant and hasn’t asked to see you since you came back to him because he may be trying to punish you for leaving, especially due to the length of time in which you were gone.
This particular time around lasted longer than the last time when you both went through a brief period of not speaking for a week back in October.
This is also why he may not be saying that he loves you.
He wants to always have control over this relationship and as long as you keep initiating texts and calls and looking for words of affection, he knows that he holds all the cards.
He has to be put in the position where he truly fears that you are someone that he could lose.
The first step to getting him to this line of thinking is to stop initiating the texts and calls.
Be more scarce with your time and availability. Engage in other activities as though you are living your life to the fullest without him.
Once he notices that you aren’t reaching out to him as much as you were and that you are also engaged in other activities that don’t involve him, he may come to realize your value.
It is from this point that he may start putting out more effort to make this relationship work.
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