The cheater/dumper is now the watcher (1 year later)

[Terry]

Hi

Firstly thank you for your videos, last year I was cheated on and dumped your helped me a lot.

Relavent background (so you have context):
I was 28 and had not been a relationship for years. I fell for a 24 year old engaged British woman from work, who proclaimed her fiancé’s was abusive & cheated on her. She decided to leave him for me after she cheated with me and heard I was going traveling. She said the ex fiancee was a scrub and didn’t work.

Together for 8 months it was a fun time. Red flags started to show but I ignored them (contact with 9 exs still, very flirtatious infront of me). Quit my job to go traveling. She manipulated me into changing my 6 month backpacking south America. trip into a 2 month spa holiday (all paid by me). Spent about £9000. Was not the cultural experience I wanted just spa stuff
Even learnt Spanish and Portuguese for the trip. But she wouldn’t meet with my male and female friends there. She knew that when I planned this trip originally, when I was single and that I felt most attracted to latin women.

Month later after returning from the trip I was unemployed and unhappy because she just became mean. She made sure she went to the two concerts I paid for after the trip. I then got a new job and she dumped me on my first day via telephone (during lunch break). Turned out she text her ex fiancé’s on the day we arrived back from the trip.

People (her parents & my friends who knew her friends). All a sudden told me the woman had a reputation of monkey branching and cheating before leaving. I was told that her woman’s and her fiancee have cheated on each other multiple times. Turned out she has never been single since starting her rommance/set life over a decade ago. I was devastated, I bumped into a month later at a bar and she was verbally abusive because people thought bad of her because they heard how she cheated/used me. Found out she later Stole my passport and enver returned it. I gained weight, took up daily marijuana use (before never used it), drank a lot and hated myself.I was no longer charismatic happy person I was, but instead a angry bitter man.

Current situation (exactly one year later):

I completed CBT and interpersonal psychotherapy. Lost all the weight & gained some muscle. Moved out of my mother’s place and got an apartment not far from the sea. I meet a beautiful woman from latin America. We have been living together for some months now, she’s very kind. We pay fifty fifty for things. I was promoted twice and now financially comfortable leading my own team. I just got into university part time to now do my masters to work towards being a doctor in my field. People comment on social media Facebook and linkd in that they see my positive changes. I now have a tighter stronger smaller social circle. Better friendships.

People have come to me and told me that the ex is still with her fiance. I tell them I am not interested. Two weeks ago from now it was a year since the break up, I noticed I still had her family me members on Facebook (that I got in with). But decided to delete them. Because some knew from social media where I lived, I wanted more privacy.

Days later I am for the first time seeing she’s viewing my new linked in profile and she’s unblocking then blocking me on Facebook (shows up on recommended friends). I ignored this and have not viewed her profiles since we broke up. But now I’m realising she is now driving up and down my road alone very slowly in her car (and she isn’t a local). Saw her glance at me.

Questions:

Why is my ex now viewing my social media? When she is the one that blocked me.

Why is she driving up and down my road slowly two weeks after the break up anniversary/me deleting her relatives?

What is in her mind what does she want to accomplish?.

Is it attention seeking, manipulation, trying to concern me, curiosity, wanting to get back with me, trying to get me to contact her or is she trying to cause me problems?

If she reaches out to me online or I bump into her in person. How can I respond, because I don’t want contact with her as a freind or girlfriend. I am very happy and want to maintain my respect. I want something hard hitting that says to her I have moved on and you can’t monkey branch to me.

Thank you

Regards

Terry (rather be anonymous).

[Author]

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