What should I do?

[Ella]

One of my co-workers pursued me and we have gone out twice. Every time we hang out, there is major chemistry between us. However, we have only gone on two dates in a month and talk at most twice a week. I told him that I liked him, and he told me that he liked me too. He told me that he would postpone having sex because it complicates things.

I made the horrible mistake of asking him where things are headed and he told me that I am “cute” and “fun to hang out with”, and “that shouldn’t change the fact that we are friends”. He also told me that “if it changes to something more serious later on, then so be it…but until then, it’s cool as it is”.

We kiss and hug when we are together, and we certainly don’t act like “friends”. I feel like after this talk, he has withdrawn. My question is…does this even sound promising? What should I do? How can I steer this in a good direction?

I currently do not initiate any contact or reach out in any way…I have kind of backed off because I don’t know if he’ll reach out to me ever again.

[LukeKeymaster]

Hi Ella,

This doesn’t sound particularly promising.

However, being that he was the one who initially pursued you, there may be a small degree of genuine interest that exists.

You should avoid initiating contact or reaching out, just as you have been doing so far.

This allows you to maintain a degree of strength so that you avoid coming off as needy or desperate.

To steer this in a good direction, start engaging in activities that you know that he is interested in.

Post pictures of yourself engaged in those activities on your social media.

Look like you’re having a good time.

The idea is that whenever he looks at your social media, you will be showing him what you have in common with him and how much fun he could be having with you if he were to engage in those activities with you.

Doing this may build a degree of desire in him that causes him to reach out to you.

[Author]

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