Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hi Ariana,
Yes, it’s a bad omen when a guy gives out his phone number that quickly. He is doing it for hookups.
A guy who wants a serious relationship normally takes the time to get to know the girl better.
This helps him get a better understanding about whether they would be a good match before even considering the possibility of giving out his phone number.
Hi Angel,
It’s understandable that you would have reservations about meeting someone online. It wasn’t that long ago that we were only meeting people through more traditional channels such as friends, family, work, church, etc.
However, yes, people do find good long-term partners online. If a long-term relationship is what you are looking for, it is best to choose a dating app or site that is geared towards that crowd.
Then do your due diligence and be proactive in how you go about connecting with and interacting with potential romantic partners. Be patient. In time, you find the right long-term partner for you.
It really is that simple. It all starts with having the right mindset and approach. As long as you execute correctly, finding a good long-term partner is inevitable.
Hi Axel,
A great way to start a conversation with a woman on a dating app is by asking her an open-ended question about something she wrote about on her dating profile in great detail.
It lets her know that you actually read her dating profile which instantly scores you some brownie points because many men don’t bother doing this.
To keep conversation interesting, don’t rest on any one topic for too long. Segue into new topics with ease and don’t be afraid to crack a joke here and there.
Cracking a joke helps to lighten the mood and keeps the conversation fun. This keeps a woman invested in the conversation, reducing the chances that she ghosts you.
Hi Andrew,
If you have been asking her good questions and she keeps responding by saying, “Most of that stuff is on my dating profile,” she isn’t a good match for you.
Even if the answers are on her dating profile, she still has the opportunity to provide more information on said topic when she is in conversation with you. Her dating profile can only divulge so much about a particular topic given the limited space.
You should move on from this girl. Unfortunately, putting out any more effort to make conversation with her would only be a waste of your time.
Hi Anna,
Your approach shouldn’t be so much about having a conversation about deleting dating apps, it should be more so about having a conversation about where this potential partner is at emotionally and whether they want to keep this relationship going.
If they tell you that they are there with you emotionally, that is when you should bring up the topic of deleting apps.
This should be the natural progression of the conversation.
This way, it doesn’t feel like you are forcing them to do something they don’t want to. They are more likely to follow through on deleting their dating apps when they have been honest with you about how they feel and the potential they see in their relationship with you.
Hi Adrian,
As long as you are in a fairly major city with a significant enough population, you have just as good an opportunity to get matches on Bumble and Hinge as you would Tinder or any other major dating app for that matter.
The discrepancy in matches lies in how you have constructed your dating profile. Not all dating apps are equal. Certain pictures you use on one dating app that have brought on matches won’t necessarily work on another dating app.
Take a look at the kinds of pictures people use on Bumble and Hinge, as well as the way they construct their bios. If you notice a pattern, this is what you need to emulate.
Doing so gets you better results because you are focusing on what uniquely works best on each individual dating app.
Hi Allison,
You are not obligated to give him your phone number this soon. You only just met each other on a dating app. It’s alright if you want to take more time to get to know him better online before divulging your phone number.
Let him know that you would much rather get to know him better online for now. If he is truly interested in getting to know you as a person, he should agree to this.
If he still demands or pushes for you to give him your phone number, he is clearly disrespecting your boundaries and that alone should let you know that he wouldn’t be a good candidate for potential romance.
Hi Alice,
Yes, given that you have a significant number of disabilities, you should disclose them on your bios. You don’t have to go into detail about them, but you should let a potential match know about them.
By keeping them undisclosed, you could easily find yourself in a position where you have built really good chemistry with someone that you have gone on multiple dates with, only to have the person choose to end their relationship with you after finding out about your disabilities.
It’s understandable that you worry that revealing your disabilities could lower your chances in finding someone. However, being honest about them is still a better strategy.
You are not on dating apps to match with everyone. You are on them to match with the right person for you. There are people who won’t have an issue with your disabilities as long as you are upfront and honest about them in your bio. Trust in that.
Hi Addison,
Think about how bummed out you get when these men ultimately ghost you. Think about all those days or weeks of conversation that go down the drain when he ultimately ghosts you. All that effort and time wasted.
Now, with that strategy in mind, the next man you get interested in on a dating app won’t have the same emotional impact on you.
Why?
Because the emotional pain that you have experienced from men who have ended up ghosting you in the past supersedes any amount of initial excitement you can possibly muster in this new man.
From this point on, these men have to earn your emotional investment. That will take a lot more than a few cute lines in conversation that would normally make you swoon. You are a lot smarter than that now.
Hi Aaron,
Try doing something else when you get bored at work that keeps your mind engaged so that you don’t fall into the temptation of endlessly swiping on a dating app.
It takes some work, but the more you redirect that energy to something else, the easier it is to get yourself to ultimately stop the habit of swiping.
Think about focusing on the people you are already talking to from the dating app and learning more about them.
You could even take the time to go look up something one or more of them told you about in conversation and learn more about it. This helps to build a stronger understanding of who they are as a person so that the next time you talk to them, you are able to connect on an even deeper level.
This kind of action takes your attention away from swiping and gives you a better chance of connecting with a match that is best for you. Focusing on quality over quantity is the much better approach.
Hi Aaliyah,
You should never assume that a person you match with on a dating app is looking for the same kind of relationship you are.
You should always ask them early on about what they are looking for and if they let you know that they are looking for the same type of relationship, make sure that you pay close attention to how they behave from then on to better determine whether they were being honest about that.
The last thing you want is to invest a bunch of time in someone only to find out months later that all they ever wanted was a friendship or to hook up.
Hi Theodore,
If it was a genuine oversight, she will most likely change her settings in short order, especially if she keeps getting matched with men.
If it wasn’t a genuine oversight, she is still dealing with issues concerning her sexuality. She isn’t entirely sure about it. You just happened to get caught in her web of confusion.
Hi Sophia,
Tinder is a very visual medium. You should take a look at your photos and make some adjustments.
Make sure your photos are fun. If your photos are boring, with you just basically looking at the camera and nothing else, they can turn people off.
Use your photos as a vehicle to showcase your personality and lifestyle. Be fun and unapologetic in them. These kind of photos tend to have really good results on Tinder, giving you the best opportunity to get more matches.
Hi Sofia,
There may not be enough people in your area who meet all of your specific requirements in a match. Oftentimes, dating apps will broaden the match area when they can’t find anyone else locally who meets all of your requirements.
If you reduce the amount of requirements, it could lead to receiving more matches from your local area. Think about some requirements that aren’t that important in a match. Get rid of those and see if there are any changes in distance when it comes to the matches you receive.
Hi Samuel,
In situations where there is barely anything to go off of on their bio, using an icebreaker question to start a conversation is often effective. Give them a fun either/or scenario in your question, based on whatever information you gleaned from their bio.
Hi Sebastian,
Online dating is worth a shot. There is a reason why online dating has become a lot more popular than even when you were on Tinder several years ago.
The people who say that they never get matches or that it never leads anywhere are often the ones who weren’t patient enough to work through it.
Online dating isn’t instant gratification. You aren’t going to find your soulmate in your first week.
It takes time.
For many, it takes at least six months for them to find the right partner for them. As long as you are willing to put in the time and effort, online dating is worth it.
Hi Riley,
Yes, you shouldn’t swipe right on an animal person when you have such strong reservations about living with an animal.
When a person has pictures of their pet on their dating profile, they are indicating that their pet means a lot to them and in order to date them, you have to be accepting of their pet.
You would only be wasting each other’s time if you were to swipe right on an animal person’s dating profile.
Even if the both of you get along and meet up, it will only be a matter of time before they figure out that you aren’t an animal person, no matter how hard you try to hide it.
Save both of you the trouble.
Focus on swiping right on people who would be a better fit for your personality and lifestyle.
Hi Penelope,
Guys can be on the receiving end of so many messages from fake dating profiles on a dating site that they reach a point where anyone they see who is even halfway decent in appearance could easily be a scammer.
They ask whether you are real to be certain that you are before they begin to invest any valuable time and effort in chatting with you.
You don’t have to wear makeup or dress sexy to appeal to guys. Guys are drawn to features and as long as they can clearly see them, you don’t need makeup or a sexy dress to capture their attention.
As far as being asked for hookups more so than potential relationships, it may come down to the dating site you are using. POF is a free dating site. Something free can be easily abused by people who aren’t taking online dating seriously and are merely looking for hookups or some time to kill.
Hi Owen,
Try catching these women when they are actually online.
On average, women get a lot more messages on dating apps than men do. Oftentimes, they are simply overwhelmed and find themselves unable to reply to all their messages. It becomes like a job to them.
You have a better chance at getting responses to your messages if you catch them when they are actively using the dating app.
Dating apps are most active in the evening hours between 6pm and 10pm.
You should also be aware of the best days to send your messages.
Dating apps are most active on the weekends, with the highest spikes on Sundays.
Try sending your messages on these days and times and you should start getting more responses from women.
As far as your conversations, to make them last longer than a couple of message exchanges, use humor.
Women love to laugh.
Laughter releases endorphins in the brain. Endorphins are peptides that connect with opioid receptors in the brain causing the release of pleasure hormones. In other words, endorphins released in the brain makes people feel good.
If you make her laugh and laugh often, you make her feel good, which in turn gets her excited to keep reading and responding to your messages.
Hi Olivia,
Yes, it is a red flag when you see someone’s Snapchat contact information, or any other contact information for that matter, in their bio.
This is often a way for scammers or people with selfish intentions to isolate you by moving the conversation away from the dating site to a different medium.
It makes it easier for them to control how the interaction goes. Without the distractions of a dating site, it is much easier to manipulate someone.
Hi Oliver,
Your approach is the right approach. It does make you stand out because most men on dating sites generally send generic, sexual or very bland, unimaginative opening messages.
Reading her bio and sending her a message in relation to it is what you should be doing. You may be failing at it because you are too matter-of-fact about it.
Women on dating sites don’t want to feel as though they are being interrogated. When you send those messages, infuse them with personality and humor, even a little teasing.
This gets her attention.
It makes you come off as someone who would be fun to talk to as opposed to someone who is just entirely by the book with no sense of levity or nuance. This adjustment to your messages gets more responses from women on dating sites.
Hi Nova,
Yes, you can find real love on dating sites. Many people have. Online dating has become one of the most popular ways by which people find love.
Yes, it can feel intimidating at first, but you eventually get the hang of it. The key is, be willing to put in the time and effort required to find what you want. Most people don’t find real love on their first day, week or month.
Hi Nora,
Congratulations on getting back into the dating scene.
When it comes to online dating, post many good and recent photos of yourself and write a thoughtful bio that gives people great insight into who you are as a person. Don’t get too serious. A good blend of seriousness and lightheartedness is key.
Be patient.
Your Prince Charming isn’t going to show up on your first day. The majority of people who find a partner through online dating actively stayed with it for at least 6 months.
Understand that your journey is a marathon, not a sprint.
Don’t get so caught up on the outcome you want that you forget to have fun along the way. Online dating is supposed to be fun. You are meeting and getting to know new people. Remember that as you go on this journey and you are sure to come out of it with what you want.
Hi Noah,
Unfortunately, being ghosted on a dating site, even when conversation was going so well, is a common occurrence.
Many people conduct multiple conversations on a dating site with multiple people of interest at the same time, making it more likely that you can get ghosted if they deem another conversation to be more worthy of their time.
This is why you need to have a few other conversations going on at the same time with other people of interest on the dating site as well. This way, you aren’t putting all of your eggs in one basket.
Hang in there. As long as you keep putting out the effort, you will find a real match.
Hi Mila,
Take the hint. The person stopped replying to your messages for a reason.
Even if you were to swipe right on the person and they somehow don’t recognize you and a conversation ensues, it would only be a matter of time before the same thing happens again.
Your personalities may simply not be a good fit.
Just move on.
You are on a dating app. There are so many more opportunities to find the right match for you.
Hi Michael,
It’s a good idea to use different photos on different dating apps. You are right that each dating app has its own unique vibe and crowd. Once you join them, be observant of the kind of photos that members use. After some observation, you will get a better idea of what photos work best on each dating app.
Hi Matthew,
Lots of people find a significant other online. There are always going to be those who are more interested in sex than they are in a relationship on dating apps, but that is to be expected when you are on a dating app filled with a bunch of people. Those who stick it out and are patient are often the ones who find a relationship.
Hi Mia,
Yes, it is too early to delete your dating apps. Try not to get too carried away with the fact that you have both been on 3 dates and about to go on a 4th. Instead, make sure that you find out about what he is looking for before you start becoming too emotionally attached.
Date 4 is a good time to bring up the topic of what he is looking for and go into more detail about it. You both need to be on the same page in terms of what you are both looking for. Don’t make assumptions that he wants the same thing. Get clear on this.
If you are both on the same page, it will be a lot easier for the both of you to determine when would be the appropriate time to mutually delete your dating apps.
Hi Madison,
It doesn’t matter who texts who first on dating sites. You are all there for mostly the same reasons. Texting someone first is merely kicking off the conversation and nothing more. It is not a sign of aggression. It is not like you are asking the person to marry you or move in with you. You are just starting off conversation. It’s not a big deal.
Hi Luna,
You aren’t overthinking this.
Stating that they don’t check the dating app often and offering you their phone number instead is just another way to get your number in an attempt to speed the process of communication along.
You shouldn’t simply give away your number because he is divulging his. If you don’t feel comfortable giving that out yet, let him know that.
If he is truly interested in getting to know you, he will respect that and keep communicating with you through the dating app. If he doesn’t, let him go.
This is often a great filter that helps you weed out those who are truly serious about getting to know you and those who are just looking to hook up.
Hi Mateo,
A lot of women who use dating apps for validation don’t know that men swipe right on everything. Also, even with the knowledge that men swipe right on everything, receiving numerous likes on their dating profile can still cause a surge of excitement, especially if they have been having a bad week in the real world and haven’t been feeling particularly desirable.
Hi Mason,
Some people purposely match with just about everyone they find attractive on a dating app but will be more picky when it comes to actual communication.
They do this to give themselves more potential dating options, but there are always going to be matches that have a higher priority than you do. When they are already hearing from those that have higher priority, they will put matches like you on the back end.
Others ghost after a couple of message exchanges because there was something specific they wanted to experience in conversation and didn’t. They have no patience. Once they figure out that the romantic ingredient they need isn’t in the conversations, they ghost.
Hi Lily,
The guys you meet on dating apps bring up cryptocurrency within 1 or 2 days of conversation because it’s the in thing right now and they believe that it would impress you to know that they have investments in it.
Guys try to impress girls in a number of ways.
Some talk about their expensive car or upscale area code, others talk about who they know or what prestigious university they went to, and now, the in thing is to talk about cryptocurrency.
Hi Logan,
Some older women look really good for their age, and if they have been more focused on career most of their adult life, they may not have yet experienced marriage or had kids.
That being said, you should be extra cautious of dating profiles like this.
The best way to tell they are fake on Match is if you notice that the woman has barely any requirements in a partner that she is looking for. When she is practically open to almost everyone regardless of race, culture, career, political persuasion, etc., that is when you know the profile is truly fake.
No one, not even the most desperate woman is open to just about everyone. The scammer just makes it look like they are open to just about anyone in order to attract as many victims as possible or they are using a bot that is unable to be more specific with picking requirements.
Yes, there are people on dating apps who deliberately avoid reading much of a person’s bio, with the intention of doing more reading upon matching with them. Everyone has their own strategy in terms of how they approach online dating and yours is certainly one that is used by a fairly significant number of guys.
Hi Liam,
Yes, online scams come in different packages and coming across someone online who is adamant on teaching you how to invest is nothing new.
What do most people need to invest?
Yes, you guessed it, money.
Wanting to teach someone how to invest is just another way to gain access to that person’s finances.
Stay away from people like this online.
Hi Levi,
Phone chatting with someone you met on a dating site before meeting up is a good idea.
You are right about the vibe thing.
Best to discover that while chatting on the phone than over a date that you have now expended time, money and effort on.
However, many people still prefer to meet without having a phone call.
Some are intimidated by the prospect of chatting on the phone first and believe that they are better conversationalists in person and others worry about the prospect of giving their phone number to a stranger that they just met on a dating site.
The most important factor is that it works for you and as long as it does, keep doing it.
Hi Leo,
Video chatting with someone you met on a dating site before meeting up is actually a really good idea. Yes, some people feel odd about it, just like you did initially.
But, as you discovered, it just takes a little getting used to and you realize just how beneficial it is. If more people video chatted before meeting, it would save a lot of complaints about a lack of chemistry.
As awful as the pandemic has been, more video chatting is something good that has come out of it. Just like you, more and more people on dating apps are video chatting today and it will most likely continue even after the pandemic is over.
Hi Julian,
Unfortunately, you are emotionally further along than this person is, which has led you to have certain expectations that this person doesn’t appear ready to meet.
They haven’t actually committed to a serious relationship with you. Just because you have texted each other often, gone on dates and had sex multiple times over the course of several weeks doesn’t mean that you can lay claim to this person.
Until they choose to be exclusive to you, they are technically still single. They aren’t cheating on you by remaining active on dating apps because the both of you aren’t in an exclusive relationship.
Hi Joseph,
Yes, you are wrong about the perception that using dating apps makes you seem desperate. That may have been the perception once, but that was a long time ago. Just about everyone is either doing online dating, has done it at some point in the past or knows someone who does.
If anything, it has now reached a point where most people don’t blink an eye when they find out that a couple met on a dating app. Dating apps are some of the most visited websites in the world.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Online dating is just another way to meet someone special, nothing more, nothing less.
Hi John,
A quick response isn’t a turn off. If anything, for the most part, people on dating sites get frustrated that their messages aren’t responded to quick enough.
There is a lot of opportunity to get distracted on dating sites.
If a person isn’t responding in a quick or timely fashion, they can easily lose out on a great match. The key is not to come off as though you are trying too hard to please in your messages. That is where people get turned off.
It is also important that you don’t become impatient with a person who isn’t responding as quick as you would like.
If you are all about responding quickly, but the other person takes a little longer to do the same and goes beyond your 24-36 hour threshold, you shouldn’t suddenly start moaning about it. That would be a turn off. Take it in stride and roll with it.
Understand that you should be conducting a few other conversations with other people at the same time so that you aren’t putting all your romantic hopes in one match. Some matches will be quicker to respond to you and others not as quick.
As long as you maintain a positive attitude and avoid acting like you are entitled to a quick response, you will get better outcomes.
Hi Jayden,
Yes, this is a scam. She shouldn’t have had any issue sending you a picture of herself giving you a thumbs up, if she was for real.
What would have most likely happened if you went to that address is someone would have taken you for your money. Good thing you didn’t go.
In fact, don’t ever go to a person’s place so easily. Meet up with them in a public place first. Always think safety first when you are online dating.
Hi Layla,
In a lot of cases, people lose interest when the expectations they had set in their minds aren’t met upon meeting in person. This is why you need to be honest when portraying yourself on a dating site.
If you are too gushy about yourself, you set expectations in the minds of others that you can’t possibly meet in real life.
Don’t be afraid to show your flaws on your dating profile and speak of them while chatting. Let them in on your imperfections.
Many people worry that this casts them in a less positive light but it actually shows just how secure you are in yourself that you are willing to be self-deprecating. This is what sets you up to exceed expectations upon meeting someone in person.
It is better to exceed expectations because you didn’t initially set yourself up as the most amazing human being, than it is to disappoint expectations because you set the bar impossibly high for who you truly are as a person.
Hi James,
Playing tennis together with your match from a dating site is a great idea for a first date and is romantic, in its own way.
It still feels intimate, as it is an interest that you both share and are able to participate in on a one on one basis, without exterior distractions. A shared interest already helps to calm the nerves and enables the both of you to be more comfortable with each other.
It acts as a safety net.
If there is a lull in conversation, you can go back to talking about tennis or something to do with the game as you both play.
Going to play tennis as a first date also gives you an opportunity or the excuse to get refreshments afterward.
Now you are able to get to know each other even better while pleasure-inducing endorphins released into your system due to the physical exertion of playing tennis shatters any sense of stress the both of you may have felt at the early stages of the date.
Hi Isabella,
You are not being shallow. You know what you are attracted to.
If you already know that you aren’t attracted to these guys physically, it wouldn’t be wise to keep chatting with them. You would be leading them on into thinking that you are interested in them when you aren’t.
That would be a waste of time and effort for both parties.
You wouldn’t like it if a guy you found attractive on a dating app started having great conversations with you only for him to ghost you in the end because he was never attracted to you in the first place.
Hi Hazel,
Yes, it would be a waste of time.
When the both of you had an opportunity to get to know each other, it got physical very quickly and never evolved from there.
Having just gotten out of relationships, it should have been a time for the both of you to relate and take things slow. Instead, it got physical really quick.
Two people can be really physically attracted to each other, but that doesn’t mean that they will always connect on a mental or emotional level.
Clearly, you both will match on Bumble because you are both compatible on paper. But, real life is a different story.
Bringing him back into your life would most likely lead to what happened before, a fiery physical relationship, but nothing more.
Hi Harper,
To make online dating more enjoyable, have a dating profile that speaks to your personality. If you are more fun by nature, make a dating profile that represents that. This way, you attract people who are more like you.
If your dating profile is too formal, you could attract people who are more formal and some of them could be wound so tight that there is no room to have fun with them.
It starts with your bio and the types of pics you use.
If you want online dating to be more fun and enjoyable, use your bio and dating profile pics as a way to showcase that intention so that you attract people who are likewise.
Hi Jacob,
Getting no responses whatsoever has nothing to do with your looks. There are many people of varying looks that have been able to meet partners on dating sites.
Yes, it all starts with your bio and profile pics.
Your bio has to be appealing and your profile pics have to be well-taken. It all starts with your overall impression. What impression do you want to send to whoever views your dating profile?
It could have something to do with your personality, lifestyle, way of thinking, aspirations, etc. Use that as a theme and now construct your bio and profile pics around that theme.
People are a lot more likely to respond to your dating profile when they get a clear understanding of the impression that you are conveying, than if it feels like your bio is all over the place and chaotic.
Hi Grace,
People lose the “spark” all the time on dating sites. Just like you, it is normally something said that turns them off. Sometimes a person contradicts what was written in their dating profile which leads to the other person believing that they were misled.
Hi Gianna,
Thank him for the like he sent you on the dating site. Crack a joke about something fun the both of you shared in the past while hanging out and then let him know that you would rather the both of you stayed friends as you don’t feel a romantic connection.
That is really it.
It makes your message lighthearted and fun, but it also lets him know that there is no potential for romance. Be polite and honest without ambiguity.
Guys really appreciate it when a girl is upfront about how she feels about them instead of being ambiguous. They respond to honesty a lot better than ambiguity.
Hi Jackson,
Online dating is very visual. People judge you by what they see on paper, which in essence, is your dating profile. In real life, your bald-headed friends are able to show a lot of their personality to women which could easily attract said women to them.
On a dating site, they only have their pics and a bio for the most part. Since, online dating can be very superficial, women quickly judge these men for being bald or short.
These are the same women who would have given these men a chance if they had met them in real life instead and gotten to know them as a person.
Superficiality is one of the negatives about online dating. It is not so much that online dating causes it. It is just that online dating illuminates the innate superficiality that exists in most human beings.
The good news is that the bald and short guys who stick it out ultimately get matches on dating sites. They just have to be a little bit more patient and persevering than the guys who have the genetic advantages of having a full head of hair and height.
Hi Evelyn,
Post many pictures showing you involved in activities you love on your dating profile. This makes your dating profile so much more attractive to people. It gives them a better sense of who you are as a person. No selfies. Just well-taken clear pictures.
Write a bio that showcases your personality. Don’t take yourself too seriously, but be substantive in what you describe.
People often make the mistake of being negative, telling people what they don’t want to attract. Instead, focus on being positive because it will attract the type of person that you actually want.
Stay trendy.
Don’t just create a dating profile and leave it. Update it regularly letting people in on something you experienced recently. Reference something that may be currently going on in pop culture so that people know that your dating profile is current. It creates a sense of livelihood. It makes your dating profile feel vibrant and alive as opposed to dead and old.
Hi Emma,
It is perfectly legitimate to worry or be afraid about some guy you meet in person from a dating site taking advantage of you due to your short and petite stature. The good news is that the experience of by far the majority of girls who use dating sites, whether they be short and petite or not, is not what you fear.
Yes, they could meet a creep or an obnoxious guy, but their safety isn’t typically in question. Exercise the same safety protocols you would with any stranger that you are meeting with on an official first date.
Meet at a public place. Don’t disclose where you live or work. Keep your personal items with you at all times. Always be vigilant about what you drink and consume and how you go about doing it. Let someone you know and trust be aware of who this guy is and where you are meeting him.
For the most part, the guys you meet on dating sites are the same guys you see at your workplace, grocery store, gas station, gym, public park, mall, etc. They are just using an online medium to find someone. Practice common sense safety measures and you will have nothing to fear.
Hi Emily,
Badoo is mostly a free service, save for some premium features, such as “Rise Up,” which provides members the opportunity to pay in order to increase the visibility of their profile for a certain period of time.
They have now added ads as a way for them to increase revenue. Remember that a free platform still has to pay their bills and make a profit. It is still a business after all. Badoo has chosen to add ads instead of making their platform a service that everyone has to pay for.
What would you rather have?
A mostly free dating platform with ads or a paid dating platform? Most people would probably pick the “mostly free dating platform” option.
Hi Jack,
So many videos on YouTube tell you not to date a single mom because they believe that you would be inheriting her relationship baggage and would have to take financial and personal responsibility for another man’s offspring.
In their minds, she is used up.
It is really up to you as far as what works best for you. It isn’t up to people on the internet to tell you that. They aren’t in your head or living your day to day life. They have no idea what type of person would work best for you.
Hi Emilia,
It happens. People get cold feet all the time when it comes to first dates, particularly with someone they initially met on a dating site. Don’t beat yourself up so much.
Just let him know that you are grateful that he asked you out but you don’t believe that there is a romantic connection, and that you wish him the best, but you won’t be able to come to the date.
Being polite, but also honest with a guy, is good for the both of you. It is kind and reasonable because it doesn’t lead him on. It allows him to accept your disinterest with dignity and move on. Leading him on, making him believe that there is romantic potential, is way worse.
Hi Ellie,
Yes, there is some truth to this.
It falls in line with men who have pics of their kids on dating apps. They are clearly trying to tell people that they come with the kid. If you want to be with them, you also have to be ready to accept and love their kids.
It’s the same with the dog pics. If you want to be with them, you have to be ready to accept and love their dog.
What do guys often do with their dogs?
They go out on walks or jogs with them. Play catch with them. Go camping with them. Take them on road trips. The dog is a big part of their lives.
Guys who are looking to settle down engage in these activities often and if they have pics of their dog on a dating app, they are hoping that the girl partakes in such activities as well.
A guy who is only looking to hook up isn’t looking to have a girl bond with his dog, which would require that she partake in various activities with him and the dog. He is just looking to get laid.
Hi Ella,
Let them get back to you instead of you initiating a new conversation with them.
Make sure that you are talking to other dating options on the dating site and not just focused on this one person. This keeps you from being too overzealous or overeager with someone that you are chatting with.
People still want to feel like you are someone of value that they can pursue. If you do all the work and make it too easy for them by always being the one to keep conversations going, you could easily turn them off.
Hi Elizabeth,
Some guys get excited very early when chatting with a girl they like on a dating site and quickly ask to hang out after only a few messages with her.
Guys don’t receive anywhere near as much attention on a dating site as women do. Once some of them start chatting with a girl they like and it is going well, they quickly ask to hang out in the hopes of keeping her from the competition.
Instead of unmatching so quickly, think about letting him know that you would like to get to know him better before meeting in person. This is especially true if, up until that point, you had been having a good conversation with him.
If he is only interested in hooking up, he disappears anyway and you don’t have to worry about his intentions. If he has good intentions, he respects your request and conversation continues to flow naturally.
Hi Isaac,
As of now, the dating apps, Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel, lets you see who likes you without you having to pay for it.
Since you are looking for someone special to share your life with, both Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel are dating apps that cater more towards people who are looking for serious relationships.
Since you are strapped financially right now, perhaps try those two dating apps first before thinking about paying for a premium membership on OkCupid or Tinder.
Hi Hudson,
You aren’t the only one.
There are people who do love online dating more than real life dating. Online dating has given them a better way to go about meeting people with romantic potential than they ever experienced through real life avenues.
Most of the people who have a negative attitude about online dating are the ones who had very high expectations from the start and thought that they would meet the person of their dreams with next to no real effort.
You are probably quite the opposite of these people and that is why you are succeeding at online dating.
Hi Henry,
Unless you are on a dating app that is geared towards people with very strong opinions, whether it be related to politics, society, morals, etc., it’s best to keep your controversial opinions light and fun.
People on the dating app don’t know you. If you leave a very heavy and controversial opinion, they might judge your entire personality and lifestyle as representing that opinion.
If it is an opinion they don’t agree with or believe shouldn’t be brought up on a dating app, they could judge you for doing so and ignore your dating profile.
Save the heavy controversial opinions for when you have actually gotten to know someone that you met on the dating app better.
For now, keep your dating profile free of controversial opinions that could easily trigger a negative reaction in people.
Hi Grayson,
The advantage of dating sites, unlike real life, is that you have the person’s dating profile to give you ideas as to what to bring up in text conversation.
Start there.
Find something on the person’s dating profile that interests you and ask them a question about it.
It is really that simple.
Not everyone is a good texter. This doesn’t mean that you can’t come up with something to talk about. Just use the person’s dating profile as your guide and the text conversation will evolve naturally.
Hi Gabriel,
Just like you, a good number of people with self-respect give it about 2 or 3 attempts to start a real conversation with someone of interest on a dating app.
By the 2nd or 3rd consecutive 1-3 word answer to a message they sent, they start tuning out and some completely quit putting out the effort to message.
However, it does depend on the level of desperation. There are many guys who never get any responses whatsoever on dating apps.
Even the slightest response, albeit one that is 1-3 words each time, is a refreshing change from getting nothing. Many of these guys will keep it going until the woman gets bored entirely and just stops sending her 1-3 word answers altogether.
Hi Eleanor,
People are always going to be shallow when scrolling through dating profiles. It’s human nature. However, you are being too hard on yourself.
Though you feel like you aren’t the “ideal standard of beauty”, you still get tons of likes on Bumble. Clearly, you do appeal to some people.
What works on one dating app, isn’t necessarily going to work on another. You get tons of likes on Bumble, but not on Facebook dating or Hinge. Try doing something different on these two other platforms.
Use different photos and write a different type of bio on them. The Facebook dating and Hinge crowd are not exactly the same as the Bumble crowd.
Take a closer look at what other girls are doing with their dating profiles on Facebook dating and Hinge. You will notice a difference in how their dating profiles are constructed. Mimic what they are doing but make it unique to who you are. This will get you better results on those two platforms.
Hi Chloe,
There are most certainly people still looking for love on dating apps. The men that you have had negative experiences with weren’t the right match for you anyway.
You shouldn’t allow the fact that they ghosted you or lost interest in chatting with you really fast, stop you from continuing to seek out love on dating apps.
Each negative experience you have should be something you learn from and use to help you get better at connecting with the right kind of men on dating apps.
Hi Charlotte,
There is nothing wrong with trying something different. You are doing it right now in using a dating app to find a partner. Oftentimes, it’s when we go out of our comfort zone that we find the results we seek.
If things don’t work out with him and you fear for your safety, you can always change gyms.
Yes, that is an inconvenience, particularly if you love the gym you go to. But, are you willing to pay that price for a chance at love? You probably are.
Hi Ethan,
Glad that you are trying to go about online dating the right way from the very start. So many guys just jump right into it without preparation and it is no wonder that many of them end up complaining that they never found a match.
Here are serious don’ts when setting up an online dating profile:
– Do not post old pictures
– Do not post selfies
– Do not be negative
– Do not post only one picture
– Do not use bad grammar
– Do not lie
– Do not ask for pictures
– Do not post only or mostly group pictures
– Do not make demands
– Do not be boringHi Camila,
Many guys ask for a snapchat or instagram after meeting someone on a dating app because it gives them an opportunity to get to know the person without having to exchange phone numbers.
Those platforms enable them to get a preview of what the person’s life and personality is like before making a decision on whether they would like to go further.
In this day and age, for a lot of guys, the phone number is a means to set up a date, not necessarily a means to get to know someone better. Yes, that goes for guys in their 30s as well.
Hi Elijah,
People can be very superficial when they are looking through a dating profile. Best to not include that you are living with roommates.
Being gainfully employed and having a roof over your head are often some of the most desired qualities. You don’t have to go into detail about what your living conditions are exactly.
Once you get to know someone over time, that detail can be naturally revealed. As long as they didn’t specifically include “living with roommates” on their bio as a dealbreaker in terms of a match, you should be alright.
Hi Avery,
It’s understandable that you would much rather focus on building a platonic friendship with someone first. This may be how you have always done it in real life until dating apps showed up.
Besides Bumble BFF, here are some good apps that focus on building platonic relationships:
– Meetup
– Wink
– Hey! Vina
– Peanut
– Atleto
– Friended
– Twitch
– Skout
– NextdoorHi Aurora,
It can be hard to lose so many of your friends. Covid has had that effect on the social lives of many people. However, you can still take good pictures for online dating apps without them looking like selfies.
You’ve lost a huge chunk of your friends, but remember, you can make new ones. Start participating in group activities around your interests. You will start making new friends in no time.
While involved in activities with your new group of friends, there will be a multitude of opportunities for them to take good, natural pictures of you that you can then use on online dating apps.
Hi Carter,
It isn’t just you that has a hard time with keeping track of your matches across multiple dating apps.
It is going to be easier for you if you start with a number that you can handle.
Start conversations with no more than a handful of matches to begin with across all the dating apps that you are using. See if you are able to manage that.
If you can, in time, you can increase the number. If you can’t, you should decrease the number.
If you take on too much, you could find yourself conducting conversations with multiple matches only to end up with no date, simply because you weren’t paying enough attention to each individual.
Focus on quality over quantity to start with. Once you get a good read on how many matches you are able to keep good track of and manage, you will have a better idea of how many you can truly handle.
Hi Anthony,
Having kids in your dating profile pics isn’t a good idea. It isn’t going to turn off everyone, but it could turn off the best prospects. The objective of a dating profile should be to put a focus on the person behind the dating profile, not on their kids.
It is particularly egregious if the person has multiple pics with kids in it all over their dating profile. It makes the person come off as though they are trying too hard. In hiding behind their kids, they give the impression that they don’t have much of a personality or much else to offer.
Hi David,
Oftentimes, all it takes to be more successful on dating apps is to work on creating an excellent dating profile. Focus on your best qualities and use your bio to show them off in a personable way.
Post excellent photos that show you participating in activities you love.
Tweak where necessary as time goes on and you will eventually have a stellar dating profile.
Do this and be patient.
Rome wasn’t built in a day. It normally takes an average of 6 months for people who are on dating apps to find the right partner for them.
Hi Scarlett,
A lot of people get excited about that first meeting. It is perfectly normal to get excited about the person when you have had such good experiences with them on the dating site up until that point. Where you should be more careful is in the emotional investment part.
You shouldn’t become emotionally invested in this person until you have spent a good amount of time getting to know them. You are too much in a hurry to find that long-term relationship partner and have your happily ever after.
You shouldn’t be. You should use the early stages of dating as the time you get to vet a person to see if they are truly a worthy candidate for a long-term relationship. These are not the times to allow your mind to wander with delusions of a fairy tale romance.
That can get you in trouble. Your mind can become so deluded that you overlook red flags that you are noticing about the person, just so that everything fits into that fairy tale narrative that you have created in your head.
Hi Ava,
Googling someone isn’t a bad idea, if that is something that enables you to feel safer about the person you just met on a dating site.
However, discovering that the person is married and messaging the person’s spouse, is not the best course of action.
Report the person to the dating site. Let them know that you discovered that the person is married.
The dating site will do its due diligence from that point on and hopefully remove the person’s dating profile from the site. That should be the extent of your involvement in this.
You had a difficult past experience in having to deal with a cheating spouse that you didn’t know was cheating on you until it was too late, but don’t let that emotion cloud your judgment.
Your objective is to find a partner on a dating site, not to become the cheating spouse police. Report the person to the dating site and let them handle it from there.
Stay focused on your purpose.
If you start trying to send messages to spouses who have cheating spouses that are using dating sites, you could enter a rabbit hole that is hard to extricate yourself from.
Their marriage is none of your business.
Again, report the dating profile to the dating site and let them handle it. Keep your purpose on finding the right partner for you.
Hi Daniel,
Yes, in most situations, men are the ones who do the heavy lifting when messaging girls on dating apps.
You can always weed out the girls who are more prone to giving you bad responses that aren’t conducive to having a robust conversation on dating apps. They normally have very short bios that actually don’t have much substance.
If you get caught up with how pretty she appears in her dating profile photos and ignore the fact that she has a clumsy, short and inconsequential bio, you are going to continue finding yourself having to keep conversations going with girls who have no interest in doing so.
Look for substance in a girl’s bio, where it is clear that she took some time to give you great information about herself for you to work with. Messaging girls with dating profiles like this gives you a better chance of getting into conversations with girls who are actually interested in having a conversation and keeping it going.
Hi Benjamin,
Yes, a lot of guys relate to what you are saying. They find it harder to ask out attractive people on dating apps.
At the core of the issue is the fear of rejection upon meeting said attractive person on a date. You are so fearful of that, that you allow a conversation with the most attractive of people on dating apps to die out.
As you stated, your way of thinking really isn’t warranted, being that these attractive people swiped right on you.
It’s time that you realize that the way you look at yourself isn’t necessarily how other people see you.
Stop being so fearful about rejection. People are out of your league only when you make them so. No one is perfect. These attractive people have flaws that you cannot see. They know it.
If you keep putting them on a pedestal, you will lose out on opportunities to actually get to know and possibly get into a relationship with someone that you are actually the most attracted to.
Hi Asher,
Unmatching without a response is the best option when the both of you have accidentally matched with each other.
You don’t want to get into a situation where you respond out of courtesy to the accidental match who messaged you, only to have them respond back in anger because you let them know that it was an accidental match.
Yes, people can take it personally. No need to put yourself in this position.
Quietly unmatch. You don’t owe the person anything.
Hi Aria,
As long as you are using a reputable dating app, the majority of people you match and chat with are going to be honest, for the most part. They might embellish a bit of information here and there to impress, but, for the most part, they are being honest.
If they are looking for a serious partner, they know that being dishonest about such things as what they do for a living, where they went to school or their childhood is something that the other person will find out in time anyway. It would be to their disadvantage to mislead someone they are getting along with.
If you have had some bad experiences with matches that haven’t been honest with you in the past on dating apps, you shouldn’t take it out on everyone else. This will only make you more and more suspicious of people to the point where you are trying to find things that fit into your belief that they are being dishonest.
Oftentimes, there is really nothing there or it is trivial at best, and you are now losing out on someone who may have been your best match. Just be careful when making these assumptions. They can work against you.
Hi Alexander,
It doesn’t matter how well the both of you got along on the dating app, you shouldn’t be waiting longer than 15-20 minutes on that date.
Anything beyond that time frame and you should have received a message from her letting you know her status and what time she thinks she will make it there.
If you don’t receive that message, you should leave. It is disrespectful to keep someone waiting beyond 15-20 minutes without a message letting them know what’s up. If your online date is this disrespectful to you, this is a precursor for how they would have treated you if the both of you had gotten into a relationship.
Hi Amelia,
Sometimes people that you meet on dating sites disappear after days or even weeks of great communication.
Remember that they are using a dating site. Meaning, there is a good chance that they are talking to other romantic prospects as well.
Sometimes, they just come to a point where they believe that they have a better connection with someone else and choose to focus their attention on that person.
This doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. It is just that they felt a better connection with someone else.
It’s best to avoid initiating further messages to him. Let him be. Make sure that you are talking to other romantic prospects on the dating site as well.
If he comes to a point where he feels that he would like to reconnect with you, you will hear from him. But, don’t sit around waiting.
You are better off taking advantage of what the dating site has to offer in terms of potential partners, than waiting around on a guy who may never show up again.
Hi Aiden,
Yes, you are overthinking this. There is nothing wrong with using a professional looking photo on your dating profile on dating apps/sites.
The key is that you make sure you blend those professional looking photos with other types of photos that show you participating in activities you love.
People are a lot less likely to look at you as a catfish when they have a good number of eclectic photos of you involved in different activities than if you are only using professional looking photos that appear as though they were taken in a professional studio.
Hi Abigail,
It’s unlikely that this guy you met on a dating app repeatedly told you that you are out of his league so as to let you down easy, being that you were yet to meet him in person.
It is also unlikely that he was being manipulative, as this would be very presumptuous of him so early on in his interaction with you.
If anything, he said those words in an attempt to prepare you for a disappointment if you were both to meet on a date and you were left disappointed with what you saw.
He seems to be someone with low self-esteem. If you noticed that his body language was closed off during the date, there is a good chance that he is just not particularly confident.
Closed off body language would be when he is avoiding sustained eye contact with you, is keeping you at a distance physically and is often distracted by something or someone else throughout the date.
Hi Nelly,
You may hear back from him, but it may not necessarily be in a romantic capacity.
The strain of his marriage and dividing businesses with his ex-wife has put a lot of stress on his life.
The thought of talking to you, especially during this very stressful period for him, may be something that he just doesn’t want to deal with.
All he would think about is how you may try to fight with him about his lack of transparency and what not, and he may just not want to have to deal with all that on top of the other stresses that he is going through with his ex.
He may be done with the romantic aspects of your relationship with him. This may happen immediately or it may take a little while longer for his romantic efforts to simply give out.
However, being that you consider him to be a best friend, there is still a possibility that a lukewarm friendship may be able to be salvaged from this relationship at a point where his emotions have tapered off and he is no longer angry with you.
This is irrespective of whether the romance ends immediately or at some point in the near future.
He will not be transparent with you. He doesn’t believe that his problems with his ex have anything to do with you nor that you have any right to interfere with them.
The both of you had dated for almost two years before this fight.
That was more than enough time for him to have given you transparency but he never did.
This indicates that he has no intention to do so now or for the foreseeable future.
Hi J Dee,
His behavior isn’t residue-based. There was something about you that wasn’t quite enough.
That is why he ended the relationship by text.
He didn’t even feel that the connection was worthy enough of a phone call or face to face meeting to let you know that he wanted to end the relationship.
He has always had doubts about his relationship with you.
He was initially too casual with the relationship to the point where you felt the need to challenge him in asking him about where the both of you were.
He made more effort after that but he eventually started backpedaling and then became distant.
Not long after this, you got the text from him letting you know that you should find someone who can invest more time and energy into you.
This lets you know that he didn’t believe that his relationship with you was worth his time and effort.
It was always about being casual.
He may have made more of an effort when you challenged him about what the both of you were.
However, he only did that because he was worried about losing the casual benefits that he had with you too prematurely or before he was ready to.
Even though, since the breakup, he has given you a ride home, at which point he suggested that the both of you can be friends and even told you that you were welcome to come by his place, this doesn’t indicate that he wants to get serious with you.
The new girl that you observed being all over him at that social meeting isn’t someone that he is serious about. If she was, he would have introduced her to you and most likely wouldn’t have offered to buy you a drink when he knew that she wasn’t around.
What he has most likely been doing of recent is trying to see whether he can reestablish a casual relationship with you.
It is not so much that his behavior is control-based, it is more so that he doesn’t want to let a good thing go.
You don’t do it for him emotionally, neither does this new girl that you saw him with.
However, you do it for him physically. That is what he desires the most.
His unwillingness to become more serious or committed could have something to do with a previous relationship that left him incredibly damaged emotionally.
He may have not gotten over it and has a protective invisible wall up to his emotions as a result.
He is hot and cold because he knows that all he wants from you is something casual.
That is why he hasn’t taken you up on your offer to meet for coffee. He would much rather you just come over to his place and get physically intimate with him.
He doesn’t want to put in the work on building a stronger emotional connection or level of trust.
He doesn’t want to expose himself to that nor make himself emotionally vulnerable by opening up to you.
He just wants to get physical. That is where he feels safest.
He doesn’t necessarily think that you are his backup plan. He sees you as being someone that he can have physical intimate relations with at the same time as he continues the same kind of relationship with the current girl that you saw him with.
In essence, he wants to have multiple intimate relations at the same time.
This way, he increases the chances that he doesn’t get bored.
He is holding on to the connection because he knows that you are a person that could give him the kind of affection, attention and physical intimacy that he needs without having to get serious with you.
At least, that was what it was like initially before you challenged him on what you both were. He wants to go back to that.
He wants to go back to the time that he didn’t have to commit or be serious about his relationship with you.
That is why he continues to hold on to this connection.
He is not looking at it as never having appreciated or valued the person when he had the opportunity.
He is more so looking at it as his opportunity to keep someone in his life that he hopes will revert to how it once was because that is all that he believes he is able to give her at this stage in his life.
Hi Costabelle Remarais,
Even though it has been five months since the end of his toxic relationship with his ex, he is still dealing with the emotional repercussions of it.
He may have told you that he loves you but his fear of getting into another relationship would indicate that he is still skeptical about allowing himself to fully open up and trust a romantic partner again.
Try not to push for a relationship at this time. He may need more time to come to the understanding that he can trust you.
You are welcome Zarah.
All the best.
Hi Zarah,
Your boyfriend hasn’t asked you for help with money. It is best that you don’t offer it at this time.
He is trying to find other ways to pay back this person that he borrowed money from.
If you were to offer him money at this point in time, you could open the door to future requests for money from you that could end up putting a lot of strain on your relationship with him.
His shop is going to have future expenses that need to be paid. If you give him the impression that all he has to do is come to you if he has to purchase or fix something for his shop or has a shop-related bill, he may decide to take the easy road and take advantage of that.
Your boyfriend did not start this shop with you. In essence, you aren’t his business partner. You do not owe him anything.
For now, let him go about solving this monetary issue on his own. It will help to build character and keep him from looking to you in the future to help him with shop expenses.
You are welcome Peter.
All the best.
You are welcome.
If she muted you, just give her some space.
If you keep sending her messages trying to make things right, you will keep reminding her about why she is upset at you and that will only prolong this situation.
Just give her some space and avoid contacting her for now. Her emotions will soon level off and she will reach out to you.
Yes, she could want to be more than a friend.
When a girl behaves like this all of a sudden, there is a lot of emotion involved which often means that there may be romantic feelings involved.
In sending you a photo and asking you whether she looked pretty in it, she may have been fishing for compliments from you or something to make her feel like she is desirable to you.
Being that you have drastically cut back on the amount of texts that you send her, she may have been desperately attempting to gauge whether you are attracted to her.
She may not have felt that your response was passionate enough to indicate to her that you may be interested in her romantically.
This may have been the last straw for her.
As far as your other female friends who never do anything like this, it may be because they aren’t into you romantically and simply regard you as a platonic friend. Thereby, they will be less prone to react this emotionally.
Hi Peter,
Yes, girls can get angry at you over a lack of attention.
You went from texting her a lot over the course of a year to texting her a lot less.
Girls notice this kind of behavior and it can annoy them.
Also, the quality of your texts may have diminished tremendously because the focal point of your charm and attention switched to this other girl that could become a potential girlfriend.
So, not only is she receiving a lot less texts from you but they are also not as fun or interesting as they once were.
A girl can often tell when a guy is making less of an effort to have interesting conversations with her and that will often make her feel like she is not worthy of his time.
A sentiment like this will also annoy a girl and make her start acting up in the way she has been with you of recent.
By blocking you the minute that you joined a stream that you were not invited to, she was reacting emotionally and trying to send you a message that if you are capable of treating her as though she is not worthy of your time, she is capable of doing the same.
You will have to avoid talking about sex or flirting with her in a way that suggests that you just want sex from her.
You get her to trust you by making conversation with her that is focused on getting to know her better as a person.
If you do this consistently over time, you will be able to convince her that you are not just looking for sex from her and this understanding will also help her stop being mad at you.
Yes, it may take a few attempts at substantive conversation before she is able to respond without anger.
However, as long as you are consistent, she will not be able to stay mad and will eventually start responding to your attempts at having substantive conversations that are focused on getting to know her better as a person.
Hi Avery,
If she isn’t over her ex, you could run the risk of falling for her while she remains in this state of mind.
This is a state of mind that makes it impossible for her to be fully emotionally available to you.
This would put you at a disadvantage as she wouldn’t be able to reciprocate your feelings.
Hence, it may be best to cut back on the texting and avoid having sex with her.
Become more scarce.
If you give her sex and attention whenever she wants, you could easily become someone she uses to cope with the breakup.
It could also keep her in this state of mind of not being over her ex even longer as she wouldn’t have a need to address this issue faster because you are fulfilling her other needs.
If you make this move in cutting back drastically on communicating and avoiding having sex with her, you could give her a greater sense of urgency when it comes to her unresolved feelings for her ex.
In essence, she may work harder to get over them quicker so as not to lose out on having more of your company in her life.
This move also protects you from falling for her too prematurely.
You are welcome Jenny.
All the best in your efforts.
You are welcome.
On the contrary, it may work to your benefit to involve his family to some degree in your dating life.
His mom and sister don’t really know you.
As far as they are concerned, you are someone who is interjecting into their tight family circle, like an interloper or invader.
If, for now, you make it a point to hang out or go out with your boyfriend and include his mom and sister, they will have an opportunity to get to know you.
Not only will they get a better sense of your personality and who you are, they will also be able to get firsthand evidence of how well you treat him.
Going out or hanging out like this, on a semi-regular basis for now, could help to ease all the tension that is going on between all of you.
It could get both his mom and sister to be more accepting of you and like you as a result, thereby reducing the amount of stress they put on your boyfriend in terms of their disapproval of you.
As his mom and sister become more comfortable with you and consequently trust you, they will not be as involved in your dating life and you will be able to have more freedom with your boyfriend.
So, this strategy will take some patience on your end.
However, with a less stressed boyfriend, you will most likely see more effort coming from him to chat and meet up on more frequent dates with you.
Hi R,
You shouldn’t wait for him.
He broke up with you because he thinks that he is missing out on better dating opportunities.
Even though he told you that he isn’t really opening himself up to others in a romantic way for now, that wasn’t entirely honest.
In breaking up with you, he is freeing himself emotionally, as well as his conscience.
This way, if he were to meet someone else that grabbed his romantic attention, he won’t feel bad about talking to her and would also have the emotional availability to develop feelings for her.
He told you that he would feel it if he lost you and has continued to talk to you everyday at long lengths because he is keeping you as his insurance policy.
He hopes that you will maintain your feelings for him so that he will always have you as a last option to come back to if no one else grabs his romantic attention.
Being that you like this guy romantically, as opposed to only liking him on a platonic level, if you were to wait for him and still keep talking to him, you will only develop deeper feelings for him, while he is free to do what he wants with his emotions and entertain talking to other girls.
You would be operating on his clock of which there would be no guarantee that you will end up being with him as a committed couple.
Yes, you should leave.
No, you should not stay closed off to other guys.
Yes, you should be open-minded.
If you wait on him, you will miss out on other opportunities with other guys who may be a lot more clearheaded on what they want and how they feel.
You shouldn’t be anyone’s insurance policy. If you are, that claim may never come due.
Hi Mahan,
Being that she is your supervisor, it is unlikely that she would make a move on you even if she likes you, out of fear of jeopardizing or taking advantage of her senior position.
Thereby, if you hope for anything to come out of this, you would have to be the one to make the move.
However, if your work has strict rules about asking a coworker out, you should perhaps ask yourself about whether you are willing to sacrifice your job in order to take a chance on being with her.
If you feel that you are willing to do that, you should tell her.
If you choose to tell her, just keep it brief.
Tell her that you think she is pretty and would like to get to know her better over coffee, lunch, a drink, etc.
That’s it.
Avoid saying too much. You could get lost with your words if you talk too much, to the point where it just feels awkward.
Keep it brief and just let her give you her answer.
Hi Hector,
If you have some experience in relationships and have been in love in the past, you would know what that feeling is like.
If you have been in a relationship for a good amount of time with your girlfriend and have remained unhappy because you know that you are not in love with her, you made the right choice in breaking up with her.
Allowing yourself to indefinitely stay in a relationship where you are unhappy would be detrimental to the both of you.
You would not be able to reciprocate her love and she would not be able to experience your love.
She could probably sense a lack of reciprocation on your part.
That is why she would keep asking you whether you were in love with her.
Though it may be painful for both parties involved, staying in a relationship that isn’t emotionally fulfilling to you would only hurt the both of you in the long run.
By breaking up now, the both of you can hopefully move on to relationships that are more emotionally fulfilling.
You are welcome.
If he has always loved you and still does, he has to then explain why he broke up with you.
The sooner you can have this face to face meeting with him, the better.
It may help to give you the closure you need so that you can get out of this emotional quagmire.
All the best.
Hi Jana,
Thank you for your kind words about the videos.
Yes, there is a chance that he will miss you. He was with you for 7 months which is a relatively long period of time.
He is bound to miss some of the elements of that relationship as time goes on.
However, if he told you that he liked everything about you but there was just no love, it is unlikely that he would want to come back.
He already gave the relationship 7 months, which is more than enough time for love to develop and it never did for him.
Thereby, in his mind, coming back to you would be more of the same.
It is unlikely that he just got scared.
He gave the relationship 7 months. He was probably hoping that at some point in time, he would feel love.
However, once he reached 7 months and was still not experiencing love for you, he figured that there would be no point in waiting for several more months.
It is unlikely that there will be another chance with him, not after he gave the relationship 7 months.
It is unlikely that his behavior was caused by a fear of commitment. He did commit to a relationship with you for 7 months. He wouldn’t have lasted that long if he had a fear of commitment.
Hi Susanna,
You may have to talk to your mother and tell her about the specific boundaries that you don’t want her to cross.
Let her know that these boundaries are not negotiable.
If she continues to gaslight you, you may need to call her out on it and tell her that you will not tolerate that kind of behavior.
In essence you have to stand up for yourself.
She has gotten too used to having it her own way.
Once you show her that you are very serious and not relenting, she may ultimately decide to start respecting your boundaries.
She may not have opened your message because she is still somewhat angry with you.
Give her some time, she will probably open it relatively soon.
If you receive a message from her in return, just make conversation with her.
Focus on her primarily.
Ask her questions about herself and pay attention to what she tells you.
Just let the conversation flow naturally.
Hi Jenny,
Your boyfriend may be experiencing a lot of stress due to the fact that he is suddenly the breadwinner of his family.
He may feel as though you are not being sensitive to this as you are still expecting the same amount of attention as you used to receive from him in the past.
Talking to him and letting him know that you understand the kind of stress he is under could help in making him feel more at ease.
The both of you should then talk about making compromises when it comes to time together. He may be open to a new arrangement.
If you are willing to make some sacrifices when it comes to seeing him, there may be some consequent positive changes to his behavior.
He may start texting you more because he wouldn’t be afraid of having to answer repeated questions from you about spending time together.
If both his mom and sister dislike you, it may be to your benefit to ask your boyfriend about why they do.
What you learn may give you some direction on what you need to work on or do in order to get their approval, as long it is something that you are comfortable with.
Making this kind of adjustment could ultimately get his mom and sister to like you.
If she is really into songs, yes, sharing a romantic song with her as a way to begin the conversation may work.
Just make sure that it isn’t a song that indirectly references your relationship with her.
Sending her a song like this would only remind her about why she is upset with you and you could end up making her angry again.
Choose a song that has nothing to do with the current situation that you are in with her.
This should help to create a new space in her mind that isn’t consumed with her disapproval of how you have behaved in the past.
You are welcome.
You could reach out by sharing something funny with her to help break the tension.
Think about what you know tends to make her laugh or be amused and send her a funny message in relation to that.
It doesn’t have to be something original.
It could be a funny meme, video or joke that you found somewhere.
The objective here is to make her laugh.
This will help to change her mood, thereby giving you an opportunity to get past her current state of anger with you.
This could provide the opening that leads to more fun and interesting conversations with her.
Hi Mark,
Amid all of this type of behavior from her, if you are still looking to pursue an fwb relationship with her, it may work to your benefit to start with friendship.
Her insecurity may stem from the feeling that she can’t trust anyone that she dates. It may be best to work on gaining her trust through fostering a friendship with her first.
In time, if she comes to trust you, she may be more open to the idea of having an fwb relationship with you.
Try not to get drawn into a fight with her over what she is currently angry with you about. Instead, start the next conversation with her by asking her an open-ended question about herself.
Hi Hope,
You may need to get proper closure with your ex boyfriend.
The lack of that has kept your emotions in a state of confusion, thereby keeping you from being fully emotionally available.
It may be best for you to arrange a meeting with your ex and have a proper conversation about what happened and where his emotions were during the course of that relationship.
A proper understanding of what went wrong for him may give you a clearer perspective on that past relationship.
This would allow you to accept what happened and consequently release you from your emotional attachment to that past relationship.
You are welcome Afreen.
All the best.
Hi Afreen,
Since he stopped being romantic with you around the time that he got his new job, the source of the problem may be that new job.
If you have noticed that since he got that job, he has become a lot more stressed and impatient with you, there is a good chance that his job is the source of his unease.
Stress will often cause a person to avoid affection. Their minds are so wrapped up on what needs to be done at work or whatever office politics may be going on that they become sapped of energy. This often results in an unwillingness to show affection.
Although he told you that engaging in PDA would lead to your families finding out, that was most likely just an excuse.
He didn’t seem to have an issue with engaging in PDA with you before. Clearly, he wasn’t fearful about your families finding out about your relationship in those moments.
It may be to your benefit to have a conversation with him about his job. Let him know that he can talk to you about work and whatever stresses he may be going through.
He may just need someone that he can talk to about all that. If he is unable to have someone to talk to as an outlet, he will keep all the work-related stress inside. This will cause him to become more and more unwilling to show affection or engage in PDA.
Hi Jey,
Avoid engaging in behavior that would make her jealous or angry.
If she is currently angry with you because you take a long time to reply to her text messages, give it a couple of days before reaching out to her.
When you do, let her know that you have missed chatting with her the last couple of days and make sure that you use humor to make her laugh.
She would have probably cooled off by this point and would be more receptive to interacting with you.
However, from this point on, you should ensure that you respond to her text messages sooner so that you don’t give her reason to get angry with you again.
Hi Bood,
The first step in trying to make your ex a friend is to stop talking about feelings.
The next step is to avoid talking to each other in the same way that a couple who are dating would.
A way that you can go about achieving these steps is to be fully aware of when your conversation has veered into the sentimental.
Make sure that you stop each other at that moment and veer your conversation back to a platonic subject.
You have to both pay very close attention to your conversations and make it a point to correct course whenever one or both of you starts becoming sentimental.
The more proactive that you both are in doing this, the easier it will get.
Something else that you can both do is start making an effort to talk to and possibly go out on dates with other people.
The sooner you start allowing new potential romantic prospects into your lives, the easier it will be for the both of you to develop boundaries.
You would both feel awkward with talking about feelings when there are other people that you are going out on dates with and sharing intimate conversations with.
If you both start going out with new romantic prospects, you will just have a natural inclination to want to be more private with certain aspects of your life.
This will often keep the both of you from talking about feelings or talking to each other in the same way that a couple who are dating would.
Hi Priya,
Your coworker most likely doesn’t like you romantically, but more so as a friend.
He is a reserved, shy guy.
Given his nature, he would be more comfortable socializing with people in small groups or on a one on one basis.
That was why you were both capable of building an acquaintanceship or mild friendship in the kitchen during work-related moments or moments where you both caught each other while in the process of getting coffee.
Perhaps there was a chance that your acquaintanceship could have built up to something more romantic if you hadn’t started avoiding him.
Whatever rapport or momentum that you had built up with him up until that point may have been lost not long after you started avoiding him.
At this point in time, he may be becoming more receptive to you because you are becoming friendlier. Your friendly conversation in the kitchen would indicate that the tides may be turning.
However, try not to misinterpret his friendliness as an indication of romantic interest. Again, being a reserved and shy guy, he works better in small groups or talking to people one on one.
As of now, despite the moment where he gave you an intense stare for 2 seconds in the hallway as you were both headed towards each other, he hasn’t shown any consistent and definitive signs of romantic interest in you.
Thereby, any fondness he may have for you would be in the vain of friendship.
Hi Barbara,
He may have been insinuating that he has game.
A guy who has game is normally a guy who is very good at talking to women and getting them to want to be with him.
You have both already been dating for a year. In many relationships, things become a little monotonous by this point and both partners have already started taking each other for granted.
However, you sent him a message letting him know that you wished he was there with you.
In his mind, to still have you be this into him after a year of being together, when many couples would have settled into monotony, makes him believe that he’s got game.
If you can’t control your emotions and allow yourself to practice patience, it will be impossible to ever get him to the position that you desire.
You are welcome Tiffany.
If he hasn’t contacted you the whole week, he is trying to make a statement. However, it will only last so long before he is unable to help himself but to reach out.
Let him do that first.
It is better for him to discover your plan of moving out after having reached out to you first.
It puts you in a more powerful position.
If you were to reach out to him first and tell him that you are moving out, he may feel that you are doing it to appease him and that his no contact strategy worked.
He will feel empowered by this.
You don’t want his head to get any bigger than it already is.
So, let him message you first.
Hi Mathieu,
There isn’t much to go on in terms of whether she is interested in you or not.
You felt that you both had chemistry when you were matched up in a team.
However, that chemistry may have been purely due to the both of you being in the same team and having to work well together in order to accomplish the task.
Besides that one occurrence of chemistry, there are no further examples of body language cues from her that may indicate romantic interest.
Again, there isn’t much to go on here Mathieu.
However, this doesn’t mean that you would be foolish in thinking that she might be interested.
Yes, you only see each other a few hours a week and have only interacted once for a half hour, but that doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t be open to going out with you.
It may be best to go about asking her out outside of class.
This way, there would be no classmates around making you feel even more anxious and you would also avoid putting her in a situation where she may not feel comfortable having to respond to your question while being surrounded by classmates.
Try to catch her outside either before or after the class.
Just keep the words simple.
Tell her that she is pretty and you would like to take her out and get to know her better.
That is really it.
If she likes you or is open to the possibility of liking you, she will give you her number.
Though it would be your first time asking someone out directly, it is really doable.
The key is to just keep it simple.
Hi Joana,
Your ex may have said that to your current boyfriend because he may not want you to be happy with this guy.
This is especially likely, if your ex is currently unhappy.
If he hasn’t met anyone that he wants to be with, he may be bitter.
As a result, he doesn’t want someone like yourself to have happiness when he hasn’t found any for himself.
Sometimes, there is a competitiveness that some exes who go through a bad breakup have with each other.
They don’t want their ex to meet someone and be happy before they have had a chance to meet someone and get happy first.
Hi Tiffany,
In his eyes, solving it requires your independence. As long as he feels that you are too heavily influenced by your mom and tradition, he will keep getting mad.
This will often lead him to act out of emotion just like he just did in returning the bracelet.
Returning the bracelet doesn’t mean that it’s over.
In returning the bracelet and telling you that he won’t visit for 3 months, he is trying to spur or even scare you into taking action to become independent.
All of this emotion that he exhibits is often an indication of investment. He has invested in you emotionally to an extent and to that effect, it will be hard for him to stay true to his word.
Due to this kind of emotional investment, he will most likely want to visit you a lot sooner than 3 months.
As of now, he has no intention of letting you go.
Hi Jennifer,
If your boyfriend used to touch and make love to you until recently, there was probably a recent disagreeable incident that occurred that has resulted in this switch in his behavior.
It would be best to have an open and honest conversation with him about what may be bothering him.
Listen to what he has to say without interruption. By the end of it, the both of you may be able to come up with solutions to remedy the issue. The sooner you have this conversation, the better.
If you keep waiting in the hopes that everything will just go back to normal soon, you may end up allowing this particular issue to fester and grow until it reaches the point where it simply can’t be fixed.
Hi Anwar,
The man and the woman should establish exclusivity and commitment mutually. Oftentimes, an effective way to go about this is to set the expectations from early on in the interaction.
In the early stages of dating, you should talk to one another and make sure that you are both looking for the same kind of relationship.
As the relationship progresses, start doing the kind of activities that two people in an exclusive relationship would do.
Meet each other’s friends, family, coworkers, work out together, attend weddings or birthday parties together, travel together, etc.
Consistently engaging in this kind of behavior will ultimately lead to a mutual understanding that the both of you are in an exclusive relationship, even though the both of you are yet to have that particular conversation.
People will eventually start asking the both of you if you are in a relationship and if the feeling is mutual, you will find that the both of you will acknowledge that.
This would then be your opportunity to have a brief discussion after the fact to summarily confirm that you are both in an exclusive relationship.
Hi Jesper Lee,
Thank you and I am glad that the videos have helped you.
There are girls who have regretted rejecting a guy. It does and can happen. It doesn’t happen as often as most guys would like but it is not unheard of.
If you truly believe that you still have a chance with this girl, all the power and luck to you.
However, try not to become too caught up in believing that this girl is somehow different because she gave you attention when other girls would have ignored you.
She may have given you attention at that party because you were a familiar face and she felt more comfortable interacting with you than with anyone else or most people at that party.
After all, the both of you have been classmates for 2 years. It wouldn’t have been much of a stretch for her to give you some attention.
She may be insinuating that she wants to remain friends.
In essence, she is telling you that she has already turned down your offer and thereby she has demonstrated that she doesn’t want to get into a relationship with you.
However, in telling her good luck with her future and not contacting her after she declined your attempts to make her your girlfriend, you may have put her in a panic.
She may fear that she is losing you as a friend and she doesn’t want that.
Her entire motivation for this meeting may simply be to keep you as a friend.
Hi Rani,
A shy and introverted guy will often find it easier to open up to someone when they have common interests with that person.
If you have learned some facts about him through the conversations that you have had with him thus far, think about whether you can relate to something that you learned.
If you can, try talking to him about that particular interest and use your own personal stories to draw similarities to it.
This may help to make him feel like you are someone who understands him.
This realization alone could help him start opening up to you, leading him to feel a lot more compelled to come over and talk to you at work as much as he can.
Hi Jesper,
Wanting her is understandable.
However, she clearly showed at the school party that she doesn’t want you in the same way.
Regardless of how much she looked at you after having rejected you, she still made it clear that she wasn’t interested in you by rejecting you in the first place.
Again, you should only send a snap to her if you are truly intent on being her platonic friend.
If you send her a snap in the hopes that you can somehow get her to like you, you may find yourself repeatedly getting rejected.
Hi Char,
Try talking to him face to face.
Whatever the issue may be, there is a possibility that it could get resolved if you both have an honest conversation with each other.
It’s best to avoid getting emotional or talking too much during the face to face meeting. Let him do most of the talking at first.
The idea is to give him an open floor to express his grievances or what may be bothering him.
This approach gives the both of you a much greater shot at coming up with solutions as a team.
Being able to do this the right way could help to ultimately get him back.
Hi Jesper Lee,
Thank you and I am glad that the videos have been helpful to you.
If you truly want to be her platonic friend and understand that she has no interest in you romantically, you can send her a snap.
However, if your only desire to send a snap is because you continue to harbor romantic feelings for her and you are hoping that you will have another chance with her in the future, it may be best not to send her a snap.
In a scenario like that, yes, you should leave her be and accept the rejection.
You may believe that there is something between the both of you and that you were just unable to engage her in the best possible way at the school party.
However, do understand that as human beings, our minds can make us believe some rationale that we have concocted simply because we want a person so badly.
The sad look that you saw in her eyes may have simply been due to her feeling bad about rejecting you as opposed to feeling that it just wasn’t there between the both of you in that moment.
In essence, try to avoid making yourself believe that there was something more. It is best to take what happened at face value and accept it so that you don’t continue hanging on to what would most likely be false hope.
Hi Prajval,
If she is asking you to meet her, make sure that you are clear on her intentions.
In other words, you should find out if she is looking to meet you as a friend or if she is interested in you as romantic potential.
If she makes it clear that she is interested in you romantically and she wants to meet you on that level, you should meet her.
Try going out with her a good number of times before trying to make her your girlfriend.
She may have avoided the topic of becoming your girlfriend when you asked her to be because she wanted to spend some time going out with you first.
She may have wanted to get to know you through conversation and shared activities before either agreeing to become your girlfriend or not.
This would be a better approach to use as opposed to trying to make her your girlfriend right away.
This slow and steady approach with her may help you ultimately convince her to become your girlfriend in the foreseeable future.
Hi Mazlum,
Yes, there is a good chance that she is avoiding you. She may have just gotten bored with the routine.
Perhaps she feels that you have been too overbearing with wanting to play games with her and that has now made her hesitant to play with you.
It would be best to avoid continuously trying to get her to play with you. Just take a step back and stop trying so hard. She may eventually miss playing with you and may start sending you DMs asking whether you would like to play.
In other words, though you would still like to be this girl’s friend irrespective of whether she likes you romantically or not, just give her some space for now.
Hi Charlotte,
2 years is more than enough time for him to have committed to you and he hasn’t.
He has kept you around because he knows that you are someone that will be there for him and this gives him a sense of security.
In essence, he is getting what he needs out of you but is unwilling to make the ultimate compromise.
He knows that committing to you would mean that he will have to be accountable for his actions or lack thereof and he doesn’t want to be responsible for that.
He has become very comfortable in this 2 year ordeal and has no intention of making a change.
Yes, you should completely end it.
He is not trying to figure anything out. Sticking around will only encourage him to continue acting in the same way that he always has.
Hi Jaz lee,
It is easier for him to stare at you when you aren’t looking because he is able to admire you without any expectations of him.
However, when you tried to talk to him, it may have been too much for him.
He didn’t respond because he is most likely a shy guy who doesn’t believe that he would know what to say or how to hold conversation.
Hi Jonathan,
It depends on what your interaction with her has been like so far.
If she has flirted with you somewhat frequently in the past and now you have noticed that she is being bossy over text, she may be playing hard to get to an extent.
In a scenario like this she may feel that she has been making it too obvious that she likes you and that it is time to start making you doubt her intentions.
On the other hand, if she has done nothing in the past to show you that she likes you, such as flirting with you or always asking you questions about yourself, she may not be playing hard to get at all.
She may simply be bossy over text because this is her natural disposition.
Hi Priya,
If you want to avoid this married man that you have a crush on, you could start coming to the fitness studio at a time that he won’t be there or simply change to another fitness studio.
If you are worried about him getting hurt, you shouldn’t. You should be more worried about helping and protecting yourself.
You are the one who stands the most to lose if you were to fall for him. He is a married man and will always have his wife to go home to.
Meanwhile, you could be left heartbroken and alone.
Your priority should really be to protect yourself first and foremost. Worrying about not hurting him should not be your concern.
Hi Clementine,
If he never used to post on social media before and now that you have removed him off of everything he is posting selfies again and regularly, it could be because he is indeed trying to get your attention.
He may be posting these selfies in the hopes that he can get you to message him.
He seems to be the type who enjoys being at the receiving end of attention.
But, he also may have a habit of sabotaging relationships when they have the potential to become something more substantive.
This may be what happened back when the both of you had been out on a few dates and he suddenly became distant.
Once he sabotages it, he misses the attention and comes back for more after a while.
Keeping this in mind, the attention that he is trying to get from you right now in posting all these selfies may be short-lived, if you were to respond to him for a period of time that satisfies his need for attention.
Hi Dorothy,
Your ex boyfriend may not be entirely over the relationship and how it all ended back then.
He may feel somewhat awkward and worries that if he were to talk to you, all of the emotions that he never really dealt with will completely resurface and consequently overwhelm him.
If you don’t need to talk to him to do your job, it may be best to just mind your own business and avoid approaching him.
He is your boss and thereby influential. He is probably not a person that you would want to risk upsetting.
Now, if the both of you happen to bump into each other in a hallway, at the elevator or the break room, you can be polite and professional in greeting him.
However, leave it at that.
In time, if he reaches a point where he feels like he would like to talk with you, he will.
Hi Tiffany,
Just let him get back to you.
Get busy with your own life so that you are not tempted to message him again before having received his reply.
He will cool down naturally as long as you don’t keep initiating text messages to him.
You are welcome Roshskanth.
Exactly. The worst she can say is no.
Not that bad of a price to pay to avoid the dreaded friend zone or having some other guy ask her out instead.
All the best.
Hi Roshskanth,
Even if she just broke up with her ex of 2 years in December of 2019, she may have emotionally detached from that relationship months before that.
In other words, she may not need all that much recovery time and may be totally ready to date again.
The two of you have had some positive exchanges that may suggest that she is open to going out on a date with you. With that in mind, it would be best to ask her out and not wait longer.
You have already experienced firsthand what waiting too long to make your move on a girl can cause. It is never worth the risk of ultimately getting friendzoned or having some other guy come in and ask her out instead.
Hi Nicholas,
She blocked you because she was upset over the argument.
Hence, it was more of a reactionary move. In most cases, this means that the blocker will ultimately unblock when their emotions have leveled off or stabilized.
It is best to just leave her be for now.
All of this friction started after you experienced behavior from her while texting each other that made you feel that you had to put your foot down.
There may be a valid reason why she acted the way she did towards you.
Hence, the next time that she reaches out to you, try having an open conversation about the incident.
You both need to understand why she acted in the way she did so that you can both address the issue and possibly resolve it.
If you don’t have an open conversation with her about whatever may be causing friction between the both of you, these types of arguments may continue until the relationship is irrevocably damaged.
Hi Tiffany,
Yes, he will cool off and get back to you.
He will most likely do it sooner, as long as you refrain from sending him anymore messages.
If you keep giving in to him by reaching out because you are fearful that he will stay mad for too long, he will keep acting up every time he doesn’t get his way.
On the contrary, if you let him start contacting you first, it will only be a matter of time before he stops this kind of behavior because it will simply become too emotionally exhausting to keep doing it when he knows that he won’t win.
As you stated, you have repeatedly failed to let him contact you first. Hence, you know what you need to work on.
Hi Prajval,
Unfortunately, your crush said no. It would be best to accept that your crush isn’t interested in you romantically and move forward with your life.
Trying to find a solution so as to get your crush to like you back will only lead to more frustration and rejections.
You have liked her for 2 years and there must have been a lot of emotional buildup before telling her about how you felt.
Hence, it is okay if you need time to process this rejection and decide to avoid your crush for a while.
However, you shouldn’t be bitter.
Try to take some positive lessons out of it.
One of the biggest lessons to take from it is to ensure that you let a crush know how you feel about them early on.
In other words, avoid waiting for a long time before telling them. In your case, you waited for 2 years.
Sometimes, the quicker you are in letting a crush know how you feel about them, the higher the likelihood that they may entertain the idea of becoming romantic with you.
When you allow a friendship to go on for years, it gets that much harder for a crush to look at you as anything other than a friend. This is especially true, if you never give your crush any indication of romantic interest from the start.
Hi Sheila,
Yes, you should pretend it never happened and just be yourself the next time that you are around him at work.
You don’t have to pretend to be happy if that isn’t who you are. Just act naturally.
At the end of the day, he may not have felt like he ghosted you. He never made any promises that the both of you would meet. You were the one who sent him that text about meeting up.
He never made any promises to you about the possibility of meeting up nor did he arrange an actual meetup with you.
Again, technically, he may not feel like he ghosted you. You may feel that way because you have feelings for him and were affected by the fact that you never got to meet up with him that day.
However, it is important to try to look at the situation from his perspective.
With this understanding, it would be best not to call him out on ghosting when you see him again at work.
Hi Asma,
Your boyfriend may not be reaching out yet because he may be worried that if he were to do so at this point in time, you will scold him for not coming to see you on Sunday evening.
Being that you lost it emotionally when he chose to stay at his friend’s pre-wedding party instead of coming to see you, he may be waiting for you to level off emotionally.
He isn’t necessarily expecting you to reach out. He is just waiting things out in the hopes that at the point that he decides to reestablish contact with you, you will no longer be so upset with him.
Hi Santiago,
If you keep trying to keep her interest, she will sense your desperation and get turned off. This could lead to her wanting to be with some other guy.
It’s best to work on making your life as fun and enjoyable as you can over the course of the next several weeks of your school break.
She needs to get the impression that you are engaged in other activities and having fun without her.
Don’t be so quick to text her back or initiate conversations.
You need to start giving her the impression that your time is valuable. If you make yourself too available to her, you lessen your value and this could ultimately turn her off.
To improve the chances of keeping this relationship alive through the next 5 weeks of school break, you need to actually take a step back and stop trying so hard.
Get busy with other activities in your life. Again, don’t be so quick to text her back or initiate conversations.
This may have the effect of forcing her to understand the value of your time.
As a result, she may start chasing you again as she once did.
You have to let her start putting in the work to keep you around. This kind of effort is often what will make a girl stay in a relationship.
Hi Tiffany,
He likes getting his way. When he doesn’t, he tries to get back at the person by not contacting them.
Getting him to change this kind of behavior requires that you don’t give in to him.
If you contact him during one of his angry spells, you will just play into his hands. He will know that you will give in to him when he gets mad by contacting him first and this will only encourage him to keep acting in this way.
To get him to change, you will have to avoid playing into his hands.
Don’t contact him when he behaves in this way. Let him reach out to you first.
In time, it will get a lot harder for him to keep acting in this way because he knows that you are not falling for it.
This realization is more than likely what will eventually get him to stop behaving in this way for good.
At this juncture, if he were to continue staring, he would be playing mind games with you. This is not a situation that you should allow yourself to get drawn into.
It would be best to just avoid making eye contact with him altogether. This way, you don’t risk getting caught up in those mind games if he chooses to continue staring at you.
If you avoid making eye contact altogether, it will be hard for him to keep staring at you because you wouldn’t be giving him anything to work with in terms of acknowledgment or reaction.
This will most likely lead to an end to the staring.
Hi Peter,
Try hanging out with her as often as you can one on one. Start with suggesting activities to her that you know she would enjoy.
If you want to build sexual attraction it would be best to pick activities that require physical proximity and a lot of bodily contact.
These could be activities such as dancing, theme parks, etc. Again, it really depends on what she enjoys.
Consistently experiencing the kind of physical proximity and bodily contact that these kind of activities tend to require may eventually get her back to a place where she starts feeling a stronger sense of attraction towards you like she once did.
As long as you are patient in engaging in these activities and avoid trying to force the attraction, you may ultimately get out of the friendzone with her.
Hi Llovese,
He may still be dealing with the emotional repercussions of a previous relationship.
The constant staring over the course of the last 3 months may have been due to him wrestling with the idea of approaching you.
However, he may have never approached you or started a conversation because he knew that he just wasn’t emotionally ready to do so.
He is probably still in that state of mind.
This may be why he reacted to you in an abrupt and angry tone when he turned you down.
Hi Princess Whioke,
Yes, it is a facade.
If he were to let on that he is in a situationship or relationship, he may turn off a good number of his large female following.
Part of the mystique is that he is available and yet unattainable.
This mystique alone can make females follow a guy to great lengths with the desire to obtain what they cannot have or to learn the secrets of how to go about doing it with a similar man.
This helps to keep his brand/business constantly flourishing and popular.
It is unlikely that he is courting this female counterpart to see if she is wife material.
He wouldn’t keep proclaiming on social media and on his videos that he is single if he were truly courting her.
A guy would worry that he may turn off the girl that he is courting if he were to do this.
He would worry that he would give the girl the impression that he is actually not serious about courting her in constantly declaring that he is single on social media or on videos.
Thereby, he may have a status of “single” on his social media but he is not going to repeatedly proclaim that he is to his followers, especially when a lot of those followers are female.
This female counterpart may simply be someone that he uses to fulfill his physical desires.
Unfortunately, she may be of the belief that something more will come out of her relationship with him.
However, a situationship is often a very precarious type of relationship to be in that doesn’t often end with both parties getting into a legitimate exclusive relationship.
Hi Bood,
Being that you have both decided to be in an exclusive relationship, you are not in the wrong for trusting her 100%.
No exclusive relationship can work without trust.
It can be very easy to get a bit paranoid when you are in a long distance relationship. You can’t always know what your long distance girlfriend is up to.
Hence, your mind can easily start filling in the blanks.
Unfortunately, your friend didn’t help matters by planting a negative seed in your mind that many people who are in long distance relationships experience.
However, your focus should be on making this the best long distance relationship that you can.
Talk often.
Meet as often as possible.
Have frequent conversations on when the both of you plan to be in the same area permanently and set that date.
Never lose sight of it.
Your best shot at making this long distance relationship work is in making sure that it doesn’t become a seemingly permanent condition.
At the moment, it has only been about a month and the both of you are still in the throes of passion.
However, the longer that this long distance relationship persists, the higher the likelihood that your fear that your girlfriend could cheat on you becomes all the more possible.
The most successful long distance relationships are the ones that started with a plan. Without a plan or direction, you are more susceptible to a long distance partner eventually cheating on you.
Hi Arjun,
You should just leave it.
Your crush is used to receiving a certain amount of attention from you. When she didn’t get it for those few days, she became needy.
Hence the reason why she sent you the text asking you about why you didn’t text her to see whether she was okay.
A girl can still want attention from a guy that she isn’t romantically interested in.
Thereby, try to avoid thinking that she sent you this text because she is interested in you. You already asked her to be your girlfriend and she rejected you.
You should stop looking at her as a romantic prospect and focus your attention on other girls. If she has truly had a change of heart and wants to be with you romantically, the onus is on her to make that move, not on you.
Hi Peter,
She may have reached out to you a month after she told you that she didn’t want to talk to you anymore because she was truly missing her conversations with you.
Conversations with her new boyfriend may not have been as stimulating as those she would have with you in the past.
Even though at the time, you let her know that you weren’t interested in talking to her, she still contacted you again 4 months later.
At this point, she probably already knew that her relationship with her boyfriend wasn’t going to last much longer and it didn’t.
She has since hung out with you a few times but tends to take hours to respond to your texts because there is a good chance that there may be other guys that she may be looking at as prospective boyfriends at this time.
She may have initially thought that you could have been that replacement but you decided to treat her as a friend and this may have turned her off.
This is most likely why she seemed annoyed at you when you both went to the party.
You were treating her as a friend and she may not have wanted this. Again, there is a good chance that she was looking at you as a prospective boyfriend around this time.
This may have been why she would reply to your texts within minutes prior to the both of you going to that party. In essence, at this point in time, her romantic interest in you was at its peak.
However, since the party and those 3 meetups, she may have gotten fed up with being continuously treated as a friend and consequently decided to see what other boyfriend prospects there are out there.
When you invited her to the cinema and she told you that she would only go if she were able to bring one of her friends along, this was an indication that she was no longer looking at you as a boyfriend prospect.
This is also why she felt so comfortable repeatedly texting that other guy while she was at the cinema.
As of now, she may simply want to maintain a friendship with you until she finds a new boyfriend.
She has told you in the past about how much she likes chatting with you. With that in mind, she may want to keep you around for that purpose temporarily.
However, if she were to find a new boyfriend relatively soon, she may do what she did to you before in telling you that she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore or she may just simply stop reaching out to you altogether.
Hi Moises,
If she tends to smile at and be playful with other guys in your school, she is most likely just a friendly person in general and may not necessarily like you romantically.
However, if she only acts this way towards you, there is a chance that your crush may like you.
Either way, just to be sure, it would be best to start conversations with her and observe how she starts acting towards you from that point on.
Hi Luciano,
Yeah, this ship has probably sailed, unfortunately.
You may have to move on from this one and just take this as a good life lesson.
Do not hesitate to go after what you want.
Hi Majd,
In that case, it really depends on the kind of qualities that she is looking for in a guy.
If she tends to be more attracted to the very masculine and/or protective type, then the bullying situation may have negatively affected her.
However, she may be more attracted to the studious guy or the artsy guy. If that is what she likes, she may not care all that much that she saw you being bullied.
Again, it just depends on the kind of qualities that she tends to be attracted to or look for in a guy.
Hi Majd,
Your crush may not even know that she is your crush.
Thereby, it is unlikely that the bullying incident that you experienced affected her at all because she may not be emotionally invested in you yet.
If she has been your crush for a while, it may be time for you to make a move on her and either start a conversation with her or ask her out.
Hi Amira,
Just ask him if he wants a relationship.
You don’t have to come up with a smart way to ask it. If you do that, you could end up being very ambiguous with your question.
It is best to be straightforward and just ask him if he wants a relationship.
Hi Luciano,
Good job in making an effort to ask her out.
Did she specifically tell you that she would hang out with you but not go out on a date with you? If so, she may have a boyfriend or may not be interested in you romantically.
It would be a good idea to ask for her number the next time that you see her.
If she doesn’t volunteer it, she may have simply agreed to hang out with you just to be polite. If she does volunteer it, then you should engage in phone conversation with her soon after and ask her out on a proper date.
This will keep you from wasting your time with a girl who may only want to hang out with you as a friend and nothing more.
Hi Jenn,
It is best to move on.
Your boyfriend was not communicating with you wholeheartedly or consistently because the relationship is most likely just not working for him anymore and thereby he lacks the motivation to keep it going.
Yes, boredom could have indeed set in.
Even though it has been 2 weeks since you heard from him, it would be best to avoid contacting him again.
When he texted “Please give me more time” after you sent him a Happy Birthday message, he was indicating that he didn’t even want to share his special day with you in any way.
Following that Happy Birthday wish with apologizing and telling him about how much you missed him only made him feel that much more unwilling to talk to you.
He has reached a point where he no longer wants to meet or placate your emotional needs.
When you combine this sentiment with a strong sense of boredom and a predictability that he associates with his relationship with you, he is simply not motivated to try to work things out or save the relationship.
If you keep waiting to hear from him, you could keep yourself from moving on emotionally.
Unfortunately, he may have already moved on emotionally and may have only texted that you give him more time in the hopes that you would eventually just stop trying to contact him.
Hi Maria,
Even if you were to text his ex to ask her to respect your relationship, that may actually cause her to do the opposite and send even more Facebook and Instagram messages to your boyfriend.
In essence, once she notices that the situation has reached this point, she may get the feeling that she may have even more of a shot to win him back than she thought. Hence, she starts trying even harder.
If you feel that he has gotten over her, it may be best to put out your efforts in making your relationship with him the best that it can be.
Avoid falling into the trap of becoming vocally suspicious of what he may or may not be doing with this ex behind your back. This would only cause a rift between the both of you that could easily lead him into the arms of his ex.
Focus more so on always having open conversations with your boyfriend. Always make him feel that he can come to you with any issue.
As long as he feels that he can come to you with any issue and talk openly without the fear of being judged, he will have no reason to go to his ex for any kind of emotional comfort or support.
His ex will most likely eventually stop sending him these Facebook and Instagram messages when she notices that he is continuing to ignore them and she is not having any emotional influence on him.
Hi Amy,
When the both of you stopped talking for two days, something may have happened within that time frame that caused him to stop caring for you in the same way that he used to.
Perhaps some other girl came into his life or something may have happened in his life that made him reconsider his relationships, both platonic and those with romantic potential.
It was immediately after this two day break from talking to each other that he stopped flirting with you as much or texting you as much.
At this point in time, he may be just as confused about where to take this relationship or where it is going as you are.
This may be why he still tends to tell you that he likes you. He may not want to shut out the opportunity for romance with you entirely.
However, the longer that the confusion persists, the more comfortable he will become with it. This increases the likelihood that your relationship with him will never get back to where it once was.
Hi Tiffany,
You should not make anymore calls or texts to him until he has responded to you.
Yes, he will think this through.
Though he may have complained about you not being able to make your own choices, particularly around his desire for you to stay with him overnight, his main source of frustration is his inability to get you to have sex with him.
He has continued insisting on having sex even though you let him know from the start that you are saving sex for marriage and have since turned him down 3 times.
As long as you don’t contact him, he will most likely contact you again.
However, the main reason for doing this may be the desire to see if he can still somehow get you to have sex with him.
So far, he has chosen not to respect your decision to save sex for marriage. Unfortunately, this doesn’t bode well for your relationship with him.
He may stick around for a while as he continues trying to get you to have sex with him. However, the moment someone else that he finds attractive gives him an opportunity to have sex with them, he may abandon you.
Although you don’t want it to be over, it may be best to strongly consider whether it would be worth it to stick around with this guy until he most likely abandons you for someone who is willing to have sex with him before marriage.
Hi Amzy,
By telling you that he wants to marry you in the future if he doesn’t marry by a certain age, he is indicating that he would only marry you if you were the only romantic option that he had left.
He has repeatedly not shown interest in what you like because he doesn’t care for you in the same way that you care for him.
He does flirt with you because he knows that it will keep you hoping that romance could ensue between the both of you at some point. This ensures that he always has you as a romantic option.
However, again, if he were ever to exercise that romantic option, it would only be because he has been unable to find someone else that he would much rather be with.
Hi Shaun,
It may be best not to wait around on her in the hopes that she will get back with you.
She seems to have a lot on her plate in terms of her studies and issues in her own private life that she wants to attend to. This doesn’t leave much room for you.
It seems like she is looking to clear her slate and move on to the next phase of her life. Unfortunately, she doesn’t see you in that next phase.
Hi Vanessa,
Try putting yourself in environments where there are men who have similar interests as yourself.
This means that you should think about becoming a lot more social.
The more exposure that you have to men with similar interests, the higher the likelihood that you will eventually find a boyfriend who could be your forever.
Hi Christopher,
There may be a quality about that other person that your current partner lacks. You may have noticed this quality in this person when you observed them in the past.
Your mind may have then proceeded to fill in the blanks in terms of how amazing it would be to be with a person who has that particular quality.
The more you think about that, the more you become emotionally invested in the person even though you may not even know this person all that well, if at all. This is often what leads to you developing feelings for the person.
Think about what may be lacking in your current relationship that you strongly desire. There is a good chance that this other person probably possesses what is lacking and you have now found yourself gravitating towards this person as a result.
Hi Zn,
When you saw her picture, it may have triggered an intense desire in you to be with her. Though you haven’t spoken to her in months, this kind of effect is still very possible.
You already liked her to begin with. Now that it has been months since you spoke to her, it can be quite easy to forget the reason why you stopped speaking to her in the first place.
This is often what time does. We tend to forget certain details. Instead, we may focus on how good that person that we liked made us feel whenever we were around them in the past.
That may have been the emotion that was triggered when you saw her picture. This is even more likely if the picture showed her in a very attractive light.
You can’t stop thinking about and obsessing over her because those old feelings have returned and time has washed away whatever negative experiences you may or may not have had with her in the past.
In essence, everything seems so fresh and new again as though you have just met her for the first time.
Hi Chris,
She may not be ready to take her interaction with you to the level where you are both engaging with each other face to face.
She may be open when texting because she may be the kind of girl who would much rather text and get to know you through that medium for a while before thinking about the possibility of taking her relationship with you to more real life exchanges.
Hi Luciano,
Yes, she might be interested.
If she is always with her friends, you could try approaching her with a few of your friends. Have your friends engage with her other friends so that you can isolate her and talk to her on more of a one on one basis.
Hi Luciano,
She is probably not looking at you anymore because you haven’t tried to initiate a conversation with her.
It most likely took a lot for her to ask you what your name was and initiate a conversation with you on Monday after weeks of making eye contact with you.
However, you didn’t follow that up with trying to initiate conversation with her the next day. She may want you to take initiative and talk to her first.
Sometimes, when a guy that a girl likes isn’t doing what she wants when it comes to courting, she may start ignoring the guy out of frustration or to get him to act.
It is probably time that you act.
Try starting a conversation with her the next time that you see her. That could make all the difference.
Hi Chelsie,
He may be continuously calling you bro, dude and man because he doesn’t want to overthink where he is at with you in terms of romance.
In essence, he may not be entirely sure about where all of this is leading. This may be why he asked you about what your intentions were regarding him.
You replied that you were just seeking friends at this time.
Hence, his relationship with you feels very ambiguous and unclear.
On the one hand, you will make sexual jokes at him but on the other hand, you tell him that you are just seeking friends.
He uses words like bro, dude and man because he figures that those words are platonic enough and he wouldn’t be drawing any attention to any romantic inclinations that he may have for you by so doing.
At this juncture, he may not even know enough about how you see him to even try to mask his own emotions. In other words, he doesn’t know if you like him romantically.
Being that he already hasn’t had any luck with women for a few years, he may not want to allow himself to believe that he should start liking you romantically if all of this is just going to end in disappointment with you telling him that all you want is friendship.
So, to some extent he may have his guard up when it comes to you.
Being that you are looking for a good friend and possibly maybe a fwb, it would be best to tell him exactly what it is that you are looking for when you meet him on this date.
This will give the both of you a lot more clarity in terms of how to go about treating your relationship and will also help you both to stop overthinking.
Hi Joshua,
If it was that easy for her to leave you over what your “friend” told her about you, she never truly loved you. If she truly loved you, she would have wanted to talk it over with you to get your side of the story.
Her lack of true feelings for you is further illustrated in the fact that she is now hanging out with this “friend” everyday.
Your feelings for her are a lot more profound than anything that she is feeling for you.
You only knew each other for 5 days. Hence, your short-lived relationship had no true foundation.
Given how lop-sided your feelings for each other are, it would be best for you to avoid trying to get her back.
When one person cares so much more for the other, it creates an imbalance of power that will often bode badly for the person who cares more.
The person who cares more could become obsessed to the point of pure desperation and this is something that the person with the power can exploit if they so choose.
It is best to leave this alone and move on.
Hi Luka,
If a girl is trying to lock arms with a guy in a playful play while having a conversation, it may indicate that the girl is actually romantically interested in the guy.
Linking arms can be quite a romantic gesture, especially if it is followed up with a leaning of her head against the guy’s upper arm. This is often a sign that she feels both physically and emotionally safe with the guy.
In essence, she is letting her guard down and allowing him to be her protector.
If you have noticed that she isn’t this touchy-feely with other guys, there is a good chance that she is interested in you specifically and not just being friendly.
Hi Ryan,
It may be more of a personal feeling on your end that this girl tends to pass by you no matter where you sit.
If the both of you are constantly in the same space, it is always likely that you will see her pass by you.
Hence, this is more coincidental than anything else.
However, she does appear to be a socially awkward girl, as she tends to be alone and acts strange whenever you both bump into each other even though you believe that she is fully aware of who you are.
Being that she is most likely a socially awkward girl or a girl with social anxiety, all the staring that you have experienced from her in the lecture halls and at the library may be simply due to curiosity. In essence, she may be a people watcher by nature.
If she isn’t the kind to socialize all that often with people, she may be the kind who would much rather look at people and try to figure out what they are all about.
This allows her to still maintain a comfortable distance from them due to her social anxiety while still being able to make herself believe that she knows them to an extent.
She may or may not be interested in you.
She is probably the type who hasn’t even allowed herself to truly acknowledge whether the curiosity she has for you is merely out of habit because she is a people watcher or out of romantic interest.
It may be best that you just come right out and ask her out.
Since she is always alone, it wouldn’t be hard for you to come over to her and do this. This way, you can truly determine whether there is any potential for romance with her without wasting any more time trying to figure out whether she likes you or not.
Hi Katy,
If he never initiates conversation or gives quick and short responses to your texts, there is a good chance that the feeling isn’t mutual.
If he was truly interested, he would have set up a more official date with you after that “catchup” date.
He may not have found the kind of connection that he was looking for on that “catchup” date. So yes, there is a good chance that he is only responding to your messages out of politeness.
Hi Suman,
If you have observed that she tends to notice or make eye contact with both guys and girls, she may be a people watcher by nature.
People watchers tend to observe other people in order to figure out what their story is.
Perhaps she didn’t show this side of her personality until recently because she only recently felt comfortable enough with you to do so, being that the both of you have now been in a relationship for four years.
Try not to get panicked enough at what you have noticed that you start acting negatively towards her as though she has already cheated.
This may cause friction to the relationship that could lead to unnecessary arguments.
Just focus on never taking your relationship with her for granted.
This is where you need to make sure that you are continuously engaging in new activities with her and consistently acknowledging her as someone that is special to you.
Hi Nicole,
You are most likely still emotionally affected about how your boyfriend of 9 years went about leaving you. Thereby, you have had him in your thoughts quite often or at least, to some degree.
These are thoughts that can easily become lodged in your subconscious mind after a while.
In dreaming that your boyfriend gave you a hug and said that he was sorry, your subconscious mind was more than likely exhibiting an innate desire that you have.
There is a part of you that may want real closure after the way he left.
The dream that you had may be your subconscious mind reflecting that desire for closure by having your boyfriend hug you and tell you that he was sorry.
Hi Archana,
Your boyfriend may be very attentive when it comes to this other girl because he may be getting bored with his two year relationship with you.
He may have taken his relationship with you for granted and thereby feels a lack of excitement in it.
He may feel a sense of renewed excitement whenever he sees this other girl in the classroom or she is being talked about by other classmates.
He may find her to be attractive and wants to learn more about her.
In his mind though, he may not really believe that he is doing anything wrong. This may be why he has been talking about this girl to his friends quite openly for a year.
He may think that as long as all he does is talk about her, he isn’t cheating on you.
Being that he hardly knows this girl, it is unlikely that he has reached a point where he has developed truly deep feelings for her that could feel like love.
However, the more he remains curious about her, the higher the likelihood that he may try talking to her at some point and this could lead to even deeper feelings.
Try to talk to your boyfriend about how he feels about his relationship with you and what he thinks the both of you can do to make your relationship even better.
There may be something that is missing in your relationship with him that he may feel that he could possibly get from this other girl.
Perhaps the both of you are just not trying to discover more about each other anymore. Perhaps the activities that you both engage in are always the same and have now gotten boring. Perhaps you both tend to be isolated when you are together and rarely allow new people into your lives.
The sooner the both of you figure out what is deficient in your relationship, the sooner you will both be able to fix it. Upon fixing it, he may not feel the need to keep looking at or talking about this girl anymore.
Hi Zarah,
It is highly unlikely that it is over. Your boyfriend blocked you almost everywhere as an immediate reaction to the fight that you both had.
Hence, he reacted emotionally without thinking things through. This often means that he will unblock you when he is no longer so upset.
It is best that you don’t try to send him anymore messages on Instagram or anywhere else. Doing so could remind him of the fight and this could cause him to stay upset with you even longer.
You just need to give him a little time to cool off from the fight. As long as you do this, he will unblock you and possibly send a response to the message that you sent to him on Instagram.
For now, hold off on booking your ticket.
Let him reach out to you first.
Once the both of you make up, he will most likely ask if you are still coming to his country to see him. This would be your indication that he wants you to go ahead and book your ticket.
Hi Kair,
The twitching of your eyes whenever she pops up in your mind is in no way an indication that she misses you.
So far, she has done nothing that you know of to show that she is missing you in the same way as you are missing her.
You were so enamored by this girl’s beauty that you most likely created a story in your head about what this girl is like. Your mind created the best possible stories and you fell in love with who you think this girl to be.
This is why despite the fact that you have been able to forget other girls that you have dated in the past quite easily, you can’t forget this girl.
Hi Mellie,
He is still emotionally attached to his ex.
Telling you that he had fallen out of love with you and was only going through the motions may suggest that he only got into a relationship with you in the first place as a rebound.
This would mean that he never actually got over the breakup with his ex and only used his relationship with you as a means to cover up his emotional baggage.
If he has been repeatedly cheating on you with his ex during the course of your 9 year relationship with him, he will continue to do so even if the both of you were to seemingly work things out and get back together.
It would be best to end your relationship with him. Staying on would only lead to constant betrayal and emotional turmoil.
Hi Helen,
A guy telling you that you are dear to him could either mean that he cares about you in the same way that he would a friend or that he does have some romantic inclinations towards you.
Telling you that you can come to him for advice, a favor or money is not really enough to determine whether he only likes you as a friend or as a woman with romantic potential.
You should pay closer attention to the way he acts whenever he is around you.
If he tends to get as physically close to you as he can get away with and tries touching you as often as he can in some capacity, those are often signs of physical attraction.
If you notice that he tends to preen whenever he is around you, as in, fidgeting with his hair, clothing, jewelry or anything that he gets his hands on within the environment that you are both in, there is a chance that he is nervous around you which could also suggest romantic interest.
You just have to start watching for clues in his body language in order for you to better determine whether he only likes you as a friend or as a woman with romantic potential.
Hi Simone,
You may have only been on one date with your boyfriend in a 5 month relationship because he has taken you for granted and believes that he can get away with this kind of behavior.
Telling you that he doesn’t have much money is just an excuse. You have suggested dates that would be free or cheap and he has remained uninterested.
This kind of behavior would indicate that he doesn’t really value his relationship with you.
He may have reached a point where he believes that he can just keep getting his boyfriend privileges from you without having to give anything back in return.
Hence, it is best to stop or drastically cut back on the boyfriend privileges such as intimacy, constant accessibility and companionship, etc., that you have been giving him.
Take something away from him in order to get something that you want.
If you are to do this consistently, there is a good chance that he will start feeling deprived.
As long as you remain clear about what you expect from him as far as being taken out on dates, he may start making sure that he takes care of your needs just as much as you have been taking care of his needs over the course of the last 5 months.
Hi Jasmine,
It is unlikely that he is interested in you merely because you have noticed that he playfully throws things at you.
Being that you are his ex, he may be really fond of you and incredibly comfortable around you.
Now that the pressure is off and the both of you aren’t in a relationship anymore, he may feel as though he can just have fun with you like he would a guy buddy of his.
The fact that the both of you don’t text much would indicate that he may not think about you all that much whenever he is not around you physically.
This would further indicate that he isn’t interested in you romantically.
Hi Zahra,
When a man asks if you live alone, he may be fishing to see whether you are single.
If you were having lunch with this guy, he may already have a degree of romantic interest in you.
Asking whether you live alone may have been an attempt to discern whether you were single without being too obvious about his intent.
He may want to ensure that if he decides to pursue you with romantic intentions in mind, there would be no boyfriend or husband to worry about.
Hi Samuel,
It is best not to be shackled to the idea that you have to read a woman’s body language first to determine whether she likes you so as to approach her.
Oftentimes, a woman can be closed off with her body language simply because of habit. In other words, she may actually be open to being approached. She just doesn’t have good body language habits.
If you are always looking for positive reinforcement whenever you are trying to read a woman’s body language such as establishing eye contact with her, you will miss out on many women who may not have particularly inviting body language habits but who may still respond to your approach in a positive way.
Hi Mika,
If he was checking you out the two times that you both walked past each other, there may have been something about your physicality that appealed to him.
Yes, it may be why he gave you a compliment.
However, receiving a single compliment doesn’t automatically indicate that a guy is interested in you romantically.
When he told you to stay off your phone, he was most likely just looking to get your attention. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he didn’t want you to be on the phone with anyone else but him.
Being that he has been bold enough to tell you to stay off your phone, he doesn’t appear to be shy around you.
Perhaps he avoids looking at you or talking to you because he isn’t quite sure about what to make of you.
He may not know whether you are someone that he can engage with wholeheartedly at work. It may be because he senses something about your body language that may not be particularly inviting.
You did state that you have gotten really shy around him and avoided looking at him in the past. This could be a body language factor that he is taking into account and as a result, he may be mirroring your behavior.
It is unlikely that you are both feeling a tension or attraction towards each other. You may be feeling it on your end, but he hasn’t shown any strong signs that he is having the same experience.
It’s unlikely that he is a little intimidated by you. Again, he has boldly told you to stay off your phone in the past.
It may have seemed that he got very nervous and quiet when you arrived in the work area as he was joking with his friend.
However, it may have simply been a feeling of discomfort being that he doesn’t really know you and may have been worried that you heard something that you shouldn’t have.
Hi Mika,
When your crush was leaning on the pole, he may have just been taking some time out.
You were the only one who could see him from that angle.
Perhaps he just needed a little break from working and just wanted to be with his own thoughts for a while.
It’s best not to make the assumption that he was staring at you and thinking about you in that moment. Up until this point, there hadn’t been any sustained periods of eye contact between the both of you at work.
Thereby, there is a good chance that he was just leaning on the pole consumed with his own thoughts at that moment.
He probably said “stay off your phone” when he stopped at your workspace because he wanted you to pay attention to him at that time. It’s the kind of attention he may try to get from any other coworker irrespective of whether he was romantically interested in them or not.
It’s unlikely that he knows that you like him. You don’t gossip with the other coworkers and tend to focus on your job.
Hence, it is unlikely that the other coworkers have even caught on to the fact that you like him and told him as a result. As of now, he really wouldn’t have anything to go on as far as thinking that you like him.
Being that you haven’t repeatedly caught him staring at you, there is no indication so far that he finds you attractive.
It’s unlikely that he is trying to send you any kind of message.
When he got very quiet after you entered his work area, he most likely didn’t want you to hear what both he and his friend were talking about.
Being that the employees at the post office are prone to gossip, he and his friend may have been saying something inappropriate or gossipy about another employee at the time.
Once you showed up, they may have stopped talking and joking because they didn’t want you to hear about who or what they were talking about.
The right thing to say or do may be to simply be a good work colleague and stick to work-related topics whenever you talk to or work with him.
You discovered that he has a girlfriend. More than likely, this means that he is not emotionally available to you.
It wouldn’t be to your benefit to keep looking at him as someone with romantic potential.
You will interpret everything he says and does in your presence as some kind of sign of interest or a lack there of and this could truly affect you in a negative way mentally and even consequently affect how you go about performing your job duties.
He may have talked about you to his friend in the same capacity that he would talk about another employee. Again, you work with employees who tend to gossip.
Hence, it wouldn’t be a surprise if he has talked about you to some extent with his friend. However, it would be in the same way that he would talk about another employee.
It would just be gossip.
It doesn’t mean that the conversation would have anything to do with whether he likes you or not.
Hi Mika,
Your crush may have gotten quiet when you entered the work area because he may not have wanted you to hear what he was talking about with his friend.
It may have been something personal or even work-related. Either way, he may not have wanted you or anyone else for that matter to hear it.
Hi Krista,
You should stop initiating the texts and calls.
You have always been the one to come back to him when you have both had disagreements in the past.
You left after the last disagreement. But then you came back 3 weeks later. He knows that you always come back.
Thereby, you have given him the majority of the power in this relationship.
He has been distant and hasn’t asked to see you since you came back to him because he may be trying to punish you for leaving, especially due to the length of time in which you were gone.
This particular time around lasted longer than the last time when you both went through a brief period of not speaking for a week back in October.
This is also why he may not be saying that he loves you.
He wants to always have control over this relationship and as long as you keep initiating texts and calls and looking for words of affection, he knows that he holds all the cards.
He has to be put in the position where he truly fears that you are someone that he could lose.
The first step to getting him to this line of thinking is to stop initiating the texts and calls.
Be more scarce with your time and availability. Engage in other activities as though you are living your life to the fullest without him.
Once he notices that you aren’t reaching out to him as much as you were and that you are also engaged in other activities that don’t involve him, he may come to realize your value.
It is from this point that he may start putting out more effort to make this relationship work.
Hi Emma,
These three guys may be acting in this weird way towards you because there may be something about your body language or appearance that they don’t like. As a result, they feel compelled to bully you.
Yes, you should keep ignoring them.
Don’t make any eye contact with them or show them in any way that you notice what they are doing.
As long as you don’t give them any attention, they may eventually run out of energy and stop acting in this way towards you.
Also, it may be to your benefit to avoid coming across them as much as you can. In other words, perhaps start using different routes to get to where you want to go in your college.
The less they see you, the more likely they will start directing this kind of behavior towards someone else or just stop doing it entirely.
Hi Jaden,
If you both still have busy schedules, he may be wondering why things have changed all of a sudden.
This is why he could easily blame himself or think it’s him whenever you don’t want to have sex.
You may have to ask yourself about why your period, being in a bad mood or a desire to just settle down and cuddle wasn’t an impediment in the beginning of your relationship when the both of you were having sex like rabbits.
Perhaps, something within the dynamics of your relationship has changed that you may not be acknowledging at the moment.
In other words, when you are not feeling sex, it may not always be because you are on your period, in a bad mood or just want to settle down and cuddle.
Yes, these reasons may seem to be what is causing your reluctance on the surface.
However, there may be something about your relationship with him that has changed since you both got into a committed relationship.
Again, in the beginning of your relationship, you seemed to be able to have sex wholeheartedly, despite your period, mood or desire to settle down and cuddle.
Hence, there may be something else at play here that you may not be considering.
The sooner you figure out what that is, the sooner you will be able to address this issue with your boyfriend in a way that he will be able to understand.
Hi Zayn,
Some girls who act as though they aren’t interested aren’t always uninterested.
Instead of just moving on, ask her out.
This way, based on her answer, you can truly determine whether she is interested in you or not.
Hi J,
When she said, “Can we give it some time?,” she may have meant that she wants to see how things play out before she can definitively decide on whether the both of you are still on.
If she is telling the truth about her ex boyfriend and the situation with law enforcement, she may not know where all of this is leading.
On top of that, she has her parents to worry about.
In essence, she may have been insinuating that she wants some time to see if things blow over before she can definitively tell you that you are both still on.
Hi Malek,
Through all the texting, you may have already built a good amount of rapport with her. Hence, it wouldn’t be wise to give up now.
Instead, just take your interaction with her to the next level by asking her out.
If she likes you, this will give her more clarity to your motives.
As the both of you go out on dates and become more familiar with each other, she may become more talkative and may even start initiating some conversations.
Hi Rosa,
The next time that you are both in the same room to do homework and you catch him staring at you, smile at him.
Being that your crush is a shy guy, he may be looking for some kind of signal from you to let him know that you like him.
Try doing this every time you catch him staring at you and he may use that as inspiration to start talking to you.
Hi AJ,
Someone desperate would be a person that texts her incessantly.
Replying to needless texts wouldn’t constitute desperation for most girls.
Hi Marshy,
He sounds controlling and manipulative.
These are often signs of a toxic individual as opposed to a loving one.
To try to make you feel guilty for meeting his friend who was accompanied by a guy that he doesn’t like is manipulative.
A guy like this could be really bad for your mental well-being.
Out of fear that you could upset him due to his insecurities, you may find yourself struggling to maintain healthy relationships with other people in your life.
Leave him be for now and go about your business.
If he chooses to communicate with you, make sure that you have an honest conversation about his attitude.
If he isn’t willing to change his attitude for the better, it may be best for you to let him go for good.
Hi AJ,
“Good night” texts are okay to reply to.
Needless texts that you don’t have to keep replying to are the ones that don’t really require a response.
For example, if she sends you a text that has more to do with a random thought, you don’t always have to reply to them.
Sometimes girls just think out loud.
They aren’t necessarily expecting you to always respond to those kind of texts.
Hi J,
She was lonely and for a period of time, you fulfilled her need for attention.
However, she doesn’t need you as much as she used to.
Her parents have also started applying pressure on the long distance relationship with threats about kicking her out of the house.
Though it may feel as though she blocked you because of them, she may have also done it because she wanted to.
She has never been trustworthy in what she tells you.
For one, she lied to you about her age.
If she was able to do this, she was also very capable of lying to you about marriage and a whole life together.
Unfortunately, your long distance relationship with her was most likely based on convenience and now that the pressure is on from her parents and she no longer needs your attention as much as she used to, she is more than willing to let the long distance relationship go.
Indeed, her parents may truly be scaring her with threats.
However, she isn’t putting any real effort to try to save her long distance relationship with you either.
Again, this may be an indication that she also wants this long distance relationship to end.
After all, you tried to give her a solution in asking her if the both of you could talk as friends for the next 5 months to 1.5 years until she turns of legal age in NYS and she turned you down.
She mentioned that the both of you could have found someone else by that time.
Again, this doesn’t sound like a person who truly wants to make any attempts to save a relationship.
This is further indication that she has probably never felt as deeply for you as you have for her throughout your long distance relationship with her.
As painful as this may be, it would be to your benefit to let this relationship go.
The problem is not just her parents.
She may be using them as a scapegoat.
Although she may be panicked about being yelled at or kicked out of the house by them, she may also personally want this breakup because she just no longer needs your attention.
Hi Diane,
Thank you for your kind words and you are welcome.
Yes, it is quite a struggle to take someone out of their comfort zone.
For it to work, they really have to be invested in making that change.
Whatever you decide, always understand your worth.
Just send her an initial text saying hi and letting her know who it is. When she responds, ask her the question.
Ask her to tell you something about herself that you don’t know already.
Hi Diane,
He may still have issues with trust, being that his ex girlfriend cheated on him.
He has found safety in the status quo.
This is why he is giving you mixed signals.
He likes that he is able to have conversations with you multiple times a day without having to bear the responsibility of putting a label on the relationship.
In essence, he gets the boyfriend treatment to an extent, without having to commit.
He likes the status quo because he most likely doesn’t want to get hurt again nor take risks.
This attitude even persists in how he goes about living his life.
He has complained about living in a small city and yet has done nothing to change that.
He just likes the safety of the status quo.
As long as there are no real stakes, he would rather remain in this mindset for the foreseeable future.
Hi Lee,
It may not necessarily be about boredom.
If she has been making no effort to keep text conversations going and doesn’t ask questions, she may not be interested in you romantically.
Though she may reply to your texts in less than 30 minutes, this is not a true indicator that she sees you as someone of romantic potential.
She may just like the attention.
To get a better idea on whether she likes you romantically, try changing the kind of texts that you send her.
Perhaps start by asking her to tell you something about herself that you don’t know already.
If she doesn’t give you a wholehearted response, there may simply be no romantic interest on her part.
Hi Tige3rs,
Your boyfriend’s cousin may keep staring at you because he has developed a crush on you.
He may not have a girlfriend at the moment to occupy his time and thoughts.
Without that kind of distraction, he may find himself unable to stop staring at you on a number of occasions whenever he is around you.
If this is a light crush, it may fizzle out in time if you avoid being around him for the next four to six weeks.
Try doing that for now and see if you notice a change in his behavior after those weeks have expended.
Hi Marshy,
If he has been acting distant for some time, there is a good chance that he will continue being this way even when the both of you meet up again during the holidays.
It is not necessarily because you are too comfortable with him that you have let him be rude towards you and allowed him to treat you in a disrespectful way.
It more so that you are in love with him.
You let him get away with this kind of behavior because you are more afraid of losing him than you are in the level of dispair you feel when he acts this way towards you.
It may seem as though he has lost interest and respect for you.
However, in order to truly determine this, it may be best that you give him some space.
He may have been acting hot and cold towards you on text and snapchat because he knows that you are always looking for attention and acknowledgment from him.
Knowing this, he may be abusing his power over you in being distant and then coming back again.
Try to keep your distance for a while.
Avoid looking and responding to his social media.
Just live your life for a while.
Give him the opportunity to start missing you.
Oftentimes, guys don’t know what they have until they either lose it or worry that they are about to.
If he truly ever valued his friendship with you, there is a chance that he will start behaving better once he gets a taste of what it is like when you are no longer constantly trying to get his attention or acknowledgment.
Hi Alaia,
One of the most effective ways to get a guy back when he is mad at you is to give him space.
When guys get mad, they can overreact.
That is why he deleted you from all of his social media when you dumped him and deleted your relationship status with him on Facebook.
He deleted you from all of his social media because he was trying to get back at you for what you did.
However, even though you may be heartbroken at the moment and really want to talk to him, you should take a step back.
Do not contact him or try to.
Guys often cool off when left alone.
Avoid going to his social media during this time as well.
Doing this will only tempt you to continuously try reaching out to him in some way and this would only cause him to stay mad at you even longer because he would be constantly reminded of the incident that led to the breakup.
As long as you stay out of it and just let him be, he will most likely reach out to you relatively soon.
You are welcome Mika.
Hi Zabeh,
A couple of months is more than enough time to have known her.
If you wait too long, you could run the risk of her only looking at you as a friend.
To ask her out, you could either text or call, but calling is preferable.
Ask her if she would like to meet you for coffee, juice, lunch, etc.
It is really that simple.
Hi Mika,
Given how toxic the relationship has been, per your description, there would be a higher likelihood that he would have cheated on you at some point.
However, there are no guarantees that he did cheat and worrying about that would not help your situation.
He never seemed to care all that much about you or his daughter at the times when he has been out of prison in the past.
Hence, the likelihood of making a motivated effort to look for you and your daughter when he gets out is slim.
He may make a feeble attempt at finding the both of you upon initially getting out, but it is unlikely that this attempt will persist.
Given his nature, he would most likely try to find a new partner to manipulate, with you being absent.
To move forward and let go of your feelings for him, think about what is best for your mental and physical health.
Think about what is best for your daughter.
Think about the past six years and the manipulation and abuse that you have been through.
Now, ask yourself about whether you can handle another six years of that.
How about another twelve years or twenty-four years.
Ask yourself about whether it would be worth it to spend the best years of your life remaining stuck in a situation that you have been unable to change.
These kind of questions make you reflect on today and on what is to come.
They give you perspective.
If you come to understand the hopelessness of what it would mean to stay with this man for many more years, you will find it easier to move forward and allow your feelings for him to start dissipating over time.
Hi Emma,
The constant eye contact between the both of you would suggest that there is some mutual attraction.
However, that attraction isn’t strong enough for him to feel compelled to make a move on you or initiate conversation.
He isn’t all that intrigued by you.
The length of time it would take him to respond to your messages on messenger also indicates this.
Sometimes he would take hours or even a day.
He has most likely come to a point where he feels that, though he may find you to be attractive, he isn’t intrigued enough by you to want to take the risk on pursuing you in a romantic capacity.
He isn’t necessarily shy nor uninterested.
He seems like a relatively social guy.
After all, he does have friends and he also didn’t hesitate to make a joke out of the situation where you were unable to get that empty seat on the bus due to the friend of a passenger taking it.
If you are too shy to start talking to him in person because he is always with his friends or brother, try to find out about what other extracurricular activities he is involved in at school.
There is a chance that he could be a part of some school club, organization or event.
If he is, this would be your opportunity to join that group.
It will give you the best chance at getting to interact with him more and even getting him to talk to you on more of a one on one basis without his friends or brother getting in the way.
Hi Zabeh,
If it has been over a month since you started texting her and she hasn’t initiated conversation, you may be better off asking her out now.
The sooner you do, the sooner you will find out whether she truly likes you as opposed to whether she just likes the attention that you have been giving her for the last month or so.
Hi Emilia,
Your ex boyfriend of over a year may be reaching out to your new boyfriend to tell him bad stuff about you because he is doesn’t want you to be happy.
This is especially true if he isn’t happy himself.
He may be upset that he is still unhappy and possibly hasn’t found anyone better to replace you as a girlfriend, while you are now with this new boyfriend and possibly happier with this new boyfriend than you were with him.
There is a sense of jealousy and resentment that comes with that.
If your ex boyfriend was happy in his life and with a new and better girlfriend, he wouldn’t have felt the need to send the message, “be careful, she is dumb,” to your new boyfriend.
He is just not at a happy place in his life right now.
If he had a relatively bad breakup with you over a year ago, the last person that he would want to be happy at this time is you.
Hi Renee,
Your ex boyfriend hasn’t moved on quite yet.
He is trying to.
That is why he keeps trying to avoid eye contact, but then you end up catching him trying to look at you.
Even though the both of you agreed to maintain a friendship, he is not entirely sure about how to do this.
That is why he is being so awkward with this process.
He doesn’t know how much communicating and acknowledgment is appropriate when two people are trying to maintain a platonic relationship that was only recently a romantic one.
This is why he seems to give and take.
He will talk to you freely over text but then in public, he will try to ignore you as best he can.
He just doesn’t know how to navigate this new type of dynamic that the both of you have.
Until he is able to figure it out, his behavior will continue being this erratic.
Hi Manny,
Your girlfriend seems to be sure about her decision to break up with you.
It appears that her resentment and unhappiness has been building up over time.
She asked for space but also told you not to wait for her.
This would indicate that she isn’t trying to save the relationship.
In other words, she’s not really thinking about the prospect of coming back.
If anything, she may be hopeful that you move on.
If you noticed a difference in her behavior when you lost your job two months ago, it may have been due to the dynamics of your relationship with her changing.
Perhaps she felt as though the both of you were no longer on the same path in life.
Perhaps you became a little bit more needy during this time or resentful that you didn’t have a job.
Regardless of what may have happened after you lost your job two months ago, she now feels the need to get away from you.
If you start making a lot of effort to try to get her back, you would only end up pushing her away even more because your desperate efforts would continuously remind her about why she decided to break up with you in the first place.
There is very little hope of getting her back.
It sounds like she has been thinking about doing this for a while.
This was not a spontaneous or sudden decision.
Again, this built up over time.
Normally, when a girl breaks up with you in this way, she’s pretty secure in her decision and most likely won’t want to go back.
Any minuscule hope of getting her back would require that you actually take a step back and leave her be.
Perhaps, with time and space, she may start remembering your positive qualities and the good times that you both had, and come to miss you as a result.
But, there are no guarantees that this will happen.
Hi Ste’Vie,
You should just leave it alone.
More than likely, he met some other girl on Tinder that he liked more and decided to make her his girlfriend.
The both of you were never together as an exclusive couple.
Reaching out to him to tell him that he didn’t have to do you like that would only put you in a position where you may get even more emotionally upset if he weren’t to respond or if he were to give you a response that isn’t satisfactory to you.
This would be the trap that you would be setting up for yourself if you were to go that route.
You could find yourself unable to let it go and may continue trying to reach out or observing what he is doing on social media.
This would really inconvenience your life and make it that much more difficult to move on.
Hence, it is best to just leave this alone.
He has now blocked you.
However, he may still reach out to you in some capacity in the near future.
This would be especially true if his relationship with his new girlfriend starts faltering or suddenly ends.
You should ensure that you don’t respond to him if he reaches out to you.
Doing so would only make you more and more susceptible to emotional manipulation as he proceeds to repeat the same cycle of behavior over again.
Hi Noemi,
Perhaps he did have good intentions.
However, when the intimacy occurred, it may have really changed his entire perspective.
Even though he has told you that he wants to make this work and wants to establish a deep connection with you by getting to know you, his actions are proving otherwise.
He is no longer communicating with you as frequently as he used to.
His lack of communicating also means that he isn’t taking the time to get to know you on a deeper basis by getting into more intricate conversations with you.
He is also not putting out any effort to engage in activities with you outside of hanging out at his place.
His actions aren’t matching his words.
How you act and go about it now depends on how willing you are to accept that he is not looking to be with you.
You have stated that you are prepared for anything and yet, you are still holding on to the belief that he will make this relationship work.
A lot of your hope comes from how he acted in the beginning when he was initiating contact a lot and was seemingly obsessed with you.
A lot has changed since then.
It would be wise to prepare yourself for the very strong likelihood that not only will he not want to try to see you physically before he leaves for Canada, but that when he returns from the Xmas holidays, he will not want to continue this intimate relationship.
With that understanding, you could either wait to see what he does when he returns from Xmas holidays or you could make a decision to end your intimate relationship with him and let him know that before he leaves.
Ending your intimate relationship with him on your own terms before he leaves will free you from the temptation of holding out hope over the Xmas holidays that this intimate relationship can be salvaged.
This will help free your mind.
It could also have an advantageous effect in giving him something to think about over the Xmas holidays while he is in Canada.
Your decisive action would have taken him by surprise.
The sudden loss of the intimate relationship may suddenly make him that much more aware of how much he would miss having you around in the manner that he has gotten used to.
This mental experience alone could make him realize that he actually wants to make this relationship work, for real this time.
Instead of just paying lip service to this, he may actually return after the Xmas holidays with a lot more fervor to develop a deeper connection with you.
He may actually start acting the part instead of just making empty declarations.
If you choose to wait instead, again, you should be prepared for what is most likely coming.
This would be the strong likelihood that he will either tell you that he just wants to be friends or that he will just start ignoring you.
Hi Noemi,
This new guy that you met is worried that your feelings for him have already deepened and yet, the both of you never really laid the foundation of friendship before getting to this point.
He knows that he started his intimate relationship with you too quickly and now regrets it.
That is why he isn’t texting you as frequently and has recently tried to avoid seeing you as much.
He is worried that his relationship with you has become all about coming over to his place and sleeping over.
He just doesn’t feel like he knows you.
Being that the both of you have only experienced being with one other person, back when you were both in high school, he may not quite know how to navigate this.
He may have been friends first with the person that he dated back in high school for a period of time before getting intimate with her.
Hence, his current situation with you is quite foreign to him.
At this time, he just wants to go back to Canada for Xmas and have some time to think this through.
There is a good chance that when he returns, he is either going to ask you to just be his friend or he will start ignoring you.
In other words Noemi, he doesn’t want to continue this intimate relationship.
He hasn’t told himself that quite yet.
He is still making himself believe that he just wants to go back home to Canada and think things through first.
However, once he goes back to Canada for Xmas, he will have the time and space away from you to ultimately come to accept this decision.
He has already shown you that he is the kind of person who likes being by himself and doesn’t need or crave attention.
He knows that you are not like him in this capacity.
Hence, there is already a part of him that has gotten tired with the fact that you were always coming over, even though he also facilitated this.
In the next 6 days before he leaves, he is going to try to avoid putting himself in a situation where the both of you are one on one.
In essence, he may actually not even try to see you before he leaves.
He may message.
However, he just wants to put some space between the both of you.
It is best to prepare yourself for where this is leading.
You were worried about the prospect of wasting time over the Xmas holidays, thinking and waiting for him, with no definitive understanding about whether this relationship will go anywhere.
Unfortunately, it won’t.
It is best to prepare yourself now.
During the Xmas vacation, his lack of communicating will continue and get even worse.
You may have to be the one to initiate contact most of the time.
Again, once he returns, he will most likely tell you that he just wants to be friends or he may just start ignoring you altogether.
Hi Jitesh,
This girl that has been staring at you for a while and got nervous when you approached her may have been really uneasy with the manner in which you approached her.
Being that you approached her in a very crowded place, she may not have even been entirely sure that you were the same person that she has been staring at for the last 25 days or so.
It may be best to approach her in a way that keeps her from feeling defensive or uncomfortable.
Since you have noticed that she goes to that coffee shop everyday with her friends, it may be best to plan on a day that you will be at that coffee shop as a customer.
In essence, plant yourself there before she arrives with her friends.
Make sure that you are in a visible area of the coffee shop where she will clearly be able to see you.
Once they have settled and are enjoying themselves, you can make your approach.
Being that you are already a customer in the coffee shop and she has had some time to notice you sitting there, there is a higher likelihood that she will be a lot more comfortable when you approach her this time around.
Hi Talia,
It is unlikely that you still have a chance with him.
He may have thought that he was over his ex.
This may have been why he pursued you for a while before the both of you eventually made out at his house.
However, that experience, along with his ex texting him not long after, may have made him realize that he isn’t ready to move on from her.
Yes, there may still be a part of him that feels loyal to his ex.
However, this doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t entertain having physical relations with other women.
But, as far as his emotional availability, it is simply not there at this time.
Even though his ex has moved overseas and he would be incapable of seeing her in real life on a regular basis, he could still remain emotionally attached to her.
As long as he is willing to take her calls and texts, he will continuously be influenced by her on an emotional and mental level.
This could go on for a good long while.
Hi Kayleigh,
First and foremost, your boyfriend is mad at you because he misses you and is now worried that the argument that you had with your parents is going to lead to you choosing not to visit him in Europe.
He is also mad that your parents don’t seem to respect nor value his relationship with you.
This is why he called his relationship with you worthless.
He is simply frustrated at this point.
He doesn’t have access to you as easily as he used to and that isn’t helping him mentally.
He ignored your response to his text message because he is still trying to show you that he is upset.
He will get over that soon and reach out to you.
When he does, it is best to avoid mentioning the argument that you had with your parents or what he said about the relationship.
Instead, just reassure him that you are still coming to visit him and you can’t wait to see him.
Then proceed to talk to him as you normally would.
Ask him fun questions about Europe.
He was previously so excited about you visiting him.
He still is.
He doesn’t truly believe that the relationship is worthless.
He will eventually come around and begin to tell you about all the wonderful stuff he is going to show you when you visit him.
Hi Laurie,
Your boyfriend may have had a weak response when his ex girlfriend reached out to him because to some extent he still cares about her as a person and didn’t feel that telling her about you at such a difficult time for her would be kind.
Being that she wasn’t texting him about coming back to her, he may have felt that there was no need to tell her that he is in a relationship with you.
To him, it just wasn’t pertinent.
If she had directly asked him about whether he is seeing someone, he would have been put in a position where he would have had to tell her that he is.
If, in a scenario like that, he had gone on to respond by not letting her know about you, then you would have a lot more cause for concern.
However, it appears that she merely wrote about something to do with her dying father and about why he blocked her on FB.
He addressed those particular questions.
He may have also not felt the need to add the fact that he is dating you because he just didn’t want to make her feel worse in light of what she is experiencing right now with her dying father.
In essence, he may have felt sorry for her and just didn’t feel that it was the appropriate time to tell her that he is in a relationship with you, especially without any prompting from her.
You don’t seem to be upset that his ex reached out to him.
You seem to be okay with the likelihood that an ex will reach out from time to time.
With that in mind, your next move should be to simply continue being a great girlfriend and avoid making a big deal out of this, at this time.
You would have true cause for worry if he starts paying a lot more attention to her and continues to give her the impression that he is single throughout these interactions.
In a scenario like that, it would be prudent to talk about why he continues to avoid mentioning you.
However, as of now, it is best to avoid creating unnecessary friction by confronting him about this.
Hi Alexia,
He may have swiped right to make you a match on Tinder because he was seeking attention from you.
This is a guy that has already shown a lot of emotional instability and has even admitted to you in the past that he is on anti-depressants.
This emotional instability is often what tends to make him desire attention.
Seeking out attention may be his entire reason for being on Tinder in the first place.
After all, he hasn’t shown the emotional capacity to do what it takes to build and maintain a relationship.
You have already experienced his desire for attention in the past when he wrote on social media about feeling as though he didn’t belong on the planet because of his lack of friends.
He was hoping for sympathy and attention.
You provided it to him when you checked up on him and he consequently told you not to worry and that he wasn’t looking for attention.
He actually was.
He yearns for attention.
However, he isn’t willing to take any action to develop a relationship.
This is why he rejected you in the past and continues to ignore you at school.
Building and maintaining a relationship would be too much of an investment in time and emotion and he simply doesn’t want to put himself in that position.
Hi Tyler,
If she is kissing you, she is definitely attracted to you.
She may not be doing anything else but kissing because she is just not ready to go any further than that.
She is a virgin and most likely lacks that much experience when it comes to doing anything else besides kiss.
She knows that she lacks experience and this may be partly the reason why she doesn’t want things to escalate or build up to more.
Any chance to build up to more may require that she become more confident and self-assured whenever the both of you get physical.
To help boost her confidence, just let her know that she is great and that you love kissing her.
This does a lot in making her feel safe and comfortable.
Do not get frustrated with her because she is not doing more.
She will be able to tell through your body language that you are frustrated and this will hurt her confidence.
Avoid being this way at all costs.
Only be kind.
Tell her that she is amazing and a great kisser.
Tell her that you love being with her.
This is how you will help to build her confidence over time.
If you are patient, she will most likely eventually reward you by doing more besides kissing.
Hi Swaleh,
A good way to improve yourself in texting is by asking open-ended questions.
Avoid the constant use of quick phrases.
Get into the habit of actually opening up interesting topics that can keep the both of you responding to each other in detail for a stretch of time.
This is often a good way to build rapport with someone.
Hi Lisa,
By saying that you are like a mother to him and that you treat him like a son, he most likely meant that you give him a lot of affection and attention.
In telling you that he has never been treated like this by any woman, he most likely meant that he has never had a woman love or care for him in the same way that you do.
None of this means that he only looks at you as a mother figure.
He does look at you as a lover.
He’s just not used to the kind of affection and caring that you show him.
You are welcome Allison.
Hi Allison,
You may be questioning your relationship because you had a lot of preconceived notions about what a relationship would be like.
Now that you have been dating your current boyfriend for 5 months, not everything has turned out the way you had imagined.
It is often very hard for life to imitate fantasy.
Hence why it is important to never allow your imagination to get the best of you when it comes to relationships.
If things are getting more serious with him and you are intimidated about the prospect of committing the rest of your life with him, you should just slow things down.
You have only been in an exclusive relationship with him for 5 months and talking for 8 months.
That is all very early.
Too early to be thinking about spending the rest of your life with him.
Instead of setting expectations as to where this relationship is leading, just keep getting to know one another and have fun.
Make it a habit to engage in as many new activities together as possible.
This is often how you will be able to determine whether you are truly with the right person for you.
Try not to play it safe by doing the same activities over and over again.
As long as you engage in new activities as often as possible, you will have a much better understanding on whether you are missing out on how a relationship is supposed to feel.
In essence, you will eventually come to an understanding about the kind of long-term chemistry that you both share.
This is when you would be in a much better position to determine whether you should stay on in the relationship or whether you should leave.
Even though this is your first relationship and thereby, you don’t have a previous relationship to compare it to, this doesn’t necessary equate to missing out.
If you jump ship too prematurely with this current relationship and get into a new one with someone else soon after, you may come to regret it.
It comes back to the old adage about the grass being greener on the other side.
The truth is, there have been many occasions for many people where the grass simply wasn’t.
For now, have fun.
It is too soon to get so serious.
Have many many adventures together.
Then and only then will you know.
Hi Ella,
This doesn’t sound particularly promising.
However, being that he was the one who initially pursued you, there may be a small degree of genuine interest that exists.
You should avoid initiating contact or reaching out, just as you have been doing so far.
This allows you to maintain a degree of strength so that you avoid coming off as needy or desperate.
To steer this in a good direction, start engaging in activities that you know that he is interested in.
Post pictures of yourself engaged in those activities on your social media.
Look like you’re having a good time.
The idea is that whenever he looks at your social media, you will be showing him what you have in common with him and how much fun he could be having with you if he were to engage in those activities with you.
Doing this may build a degree of desire in him that causes him to reach out to you.
Hi Vanessa,
Yes, it is likely that your boyfriend was suggesting that the relationship is over.
However, in telling you that he “won’t subject you to that anymore,” he was being very ambiguous.
This most likely means that he was just trying to scare you into thinking that the relationship is over.
You both just had a fight and both of your emotions were running high.
If he truly wanted the relationship to be over, he would have been a lot more expressive with his feelings and definitive with his words.
If the both of you have a healthy relationship, he is not going to give that up over one fight.
You have since apologized for calling him a douchebag and you should not apologize any further.
Doing so would only keep making him feel as though he is completely justified in not returning your messages.
This means that he could feel that much more emboldened to stretch the couple of days that you haven’t heard from him into weeks.
Try not to get stressed out over the fact that you haven’t heard from him in a couple of days.
Guys often impose a period of time away because they want to punish the girl in making her worry that the relationship is over.
However, as long as you do not initiate contact, there is a good chance that he will reestablish contact.
Hi Kevin,
She may have moved on.
There is a chance that she may have liked you in the beginning.
This may be why she would smile at you often at Sunday school and look at you from the corner of her eye.
However, you didn’t ask her out.
By the time you sent her a friend request on Facebook, she may not have accepted it because your window of opportunity with her had passed.
When you take so long to make a move on asking a girl out, even if she may have liked you initially, she will ultimately stop liking you.
In other words, you don’t have all the time in the world.
With this particular girl, she may have just simply run out of patience and moved on.
Hi George,
Being that your physical and emotional needs are not being met in this relationship, you may have a girlfriend in name only.
She has consistently shown that she doesn’t want to kiss you in the way that you want to be kissed nor give you the kind of affection that you desire.
She has even told you that she doesn’t like you that much and that her number one priority are her friends.
You may have gotten into a relationship with a girl who doesn’t really have any interest in being in a true relationship.
She wants somebody to be there when she is alone.
This is why she calls you over to her place to hang out and sleep over.
However, she is not willing to give of herself emotionally and show true affection.
This may be because she is not at a place emotionally where she’s willing to make herself that vulnerable or she may still be dealing with the emotional repercussions of a relatively recent breakup with an ex or she may even be a narcissist who only cares about her own self-importance when it comes to romantic relationships.
Whatever the reason may be, the fact that she’s not showing you the kind of physical and emotional intimacy that you require is a major problem.
She’s getting what she needs out of you in having a warm body laying next to her at night or someone to hang out with when she is alone, but you’re not getting what you need out of her.
This means that there is an unhealthy imbalance in the dynamics of this relationship.
Being that you have allowed her to get away with this kind of behavior, she may not truly understand just how much this affects you.
You should have a real conversation with her and let her know exactly what it is that you’re experiencing and how you’re feeling.
If she is unwilling to understand and consequently begin the process of making positive changes, it will not be a good idea to continue being in a relationship with her.
Hi Brad,
You have quite a few things in common with her.
Instead of messaging her asking about how things are going, you should use a similar interest as your opener.
You could reference something to do with that historical event that you both volunteered for where she demonstrated a lot of passion for.
That may help to trigger her memory and entice her to respond as a result.
Hi Brad,
Sending your friend from the past a Facebook friend request was not necessarily wrong to do.
However, it has been a couple of years since the both of you fell out.
Hence, it is not so surprising that you are yet to receive a response from her.
In a scenario like this, it may be best to ensure that you have a good number of similar interests to hers.
If you have similar interest to hers, she may feel more open to accepting your friend request.
This would be an area for you to look into.
Hi Martin,
It may be best to distance yourself from her.
Being that she only broke up with her boyfriend three weeks ago and has told you that she needs time, there is a good chance that she is still experiencing emotional repercussions from that breakup.
Even though she told you that she will not go back to her ex, that doesn’t necessarily guarantee that she won’t.
If he were to come back into her life right now and beg her to give their relationship another chance, given her current emotional turmoil, she just might do that.
It is best that you don’t keep going out with her and accepting her invites to parties.
If you get too involved, you may end up developing feelings for her that she will be unable to reciprocate due to the possibility that she still cares about her ex boyfriend.
As of now, it is okay to be friendly when you see her or happen to be in the same social environment as she is.
However, you should stop interacting with her on a one-on-one basis.
She can give you all the signals of interest in the world but if she has told you that she needs time, she hasn’t gotten over the breakup.
If you don’t take a step back, you could easily become a rebound.
A rebound is often used for a certain period of time and then discarded when they have served their purpose.
That is not a good place to be.
Hi Noemi,
It is understandable that you would have these fears.
As time goes on without you hearing from him, you can easily become more and more worried that he will forget you.
It has been a month and a half since all of this began and all you long for is to go back to how it was in the beginning.
As the semester draws closer and closer to a close, your anxiety is increasing.
Again, this is all understandable.
But, it just doesn’t help you to keep thinking about this incessantly.
The fact that you are snapchatting one of his teammates just so that you get his attention is also something that may not be wise.
It will just keep you in the cycle of wondering whether what you are doing is having an effect on him instead of allowing yourself to move forward and truly live a life that is rich and rewarding.
Until you let this go completely and move forward, you will keep making yourself susceptible to the temptation of reaching out to him in some capacity which will only exacerbate the situation.
You have to disconnect yourself emotionally from this situation as much as possible.
One of the most effective ways to do that is to get busy with new and exciting activities.
Get to know new people.
Doing all of this will allow your mind to start focusing on something else.
Stay away from aspects of life that will remind you of him whether it be in pop culture or locations.
You actually have to make it feel as though you have truly moved on from him for you to have the best chance of him coming back.
If you spend every waking hour besides the time you are in class or studying, thinking about this guy, you will most certainly initiate contact with him at some point and possibly ruin any chances of getting him back by doing so.
Hi Mike,
Yes, someone who is not funny can attract women.
If you believe that you are a humorless guy, it is best to just be who you are when you are interacting with women.
There are certainly other qualities that you have that you can reveal when you are interacting with a woman.
So, play to your strengths.
If you are not a funny guy and you are not the entertaining type, don’t force yourself to be that way.
You don’t have to carry that kind of burden.
Just be who you are.
In being yourself, you will ultimately get into a relationship with someone who appreciates you for you.
She will not be expecting you to make her laugh or entertain her because that was never who you were when you were courting her.
Hence, you wouldn’t have to worry about the odds of her staying with you.
Hi Noemi,
Yes, as long as you stay away and avoid initiating contact, there is a reasonable chance that he will pop up with a random snap or text.
As men, we often don’t realize what we have until we lose it.
That is why men so often come back after a breakup and beg their exes to take them back.
It is understandable that you would think that he is really gone and that your relationship and friendship is gone as well.
That is the fear within you that is speaking and you shouldn’t give it attention.
It will only end up making you do something that you will regret, such as checking his social media obsessively.
This will only lead to one result.
You will message him and this would be a mistake.
Being that the both of you have been casually dating for many months, it is unlikely that he will forget you that easily.
The both of you have a history.
A relationship that has history is often a lot harder to let go of than if the both of you had only hooked up and hung out once or twice.
All of this notwithstanding, it is still possible that he is really gone.
There are no guarantees.
However, you stand a better chance of him coming back if you disappear and live your life as though you have moved on.
Hi Noemi,
Yes, as of now, you shouldn’t initiate contact. That includes texting and snaps.
Even though he may be slowly opening up your old snaps, you shouldn’t initiate a random snap here and there.
Yes, you should completely disappear and give him space.
This is a strategy of making yourself a lot less available to him.
Something that is scarcely available tends to have more value than something that is readily available all the time.
Focus on your life for now and leave him be.
This is often one of the most effective ways to make a guy start seeing your value and consequently try to save a relationship.
Hi Noemi,
He may have told you to add his boy Houston on Snap because he was trying to gauge how you would respond to that.
He has already made a feeble attempt at breaking up when he told you that the both of you want different things.
He then backed up that statement by saying that you were crying to him and telling him about all these other girls that he is doing.
Hence, he may have tried to use his roommate in this instance to see whether you would react in a really emotional way, further proving to him that you want a lot more from this casual relationship than he is willing to give you.
Even though you have tried to make him believe that you are just going with the flow because you know that he doesn’t want a relationship, he doesn’t believe that you have truly been going with the flow.
At the bar, you made some assumptions about the possibility that he was hitting up some other girl because he didn’t try to see you while there nor did you hear from him the rest of the night.
The next day, he told you that maybe when you stop making assumptions, he will reply.
He was irritated with you when he responded in this way.
His major fear with you is that you want more out of this.
He is not at a place mentally and emotionally where he would want to give more to his relationship with you than he already is.
Even though you may believe that you have done nothing to warrant this type of behavior, he still feels like you care a lot more for him than you have been trying to let on.
Not only has he sensed it but he has also witnessed it through your behavior.
Hence, he has been ignoring your texts and barely opening your snaps because he wants to create some distance from you.
He is worried that if he continues to give you consistent attention on social media as well as hang out with you every weekend, you are going to become more and more emotionally attached to him.
Again, no matter how hard you try to hide it, he knows that you have started caring for him a lot more than he feels comfortable with and you will only care for him more if he were to continue hanging out and talking to you on a consistent basis.
How you should go about this is to start being more nonchalant with him.
He needs to see that you aren’t getting emotionally attached to him.
This means that you have to avoid complaining about other girls or your dissatisfaction that you don’t get to see him as often as you would want to.
You have to start coming off as though you don’t care about any of this.
This should be your tactic.
It is when you show this kind of nonchalant behavior that you will make him start valuing his relationship with you a lot more.
This is what could make him feel compelled to put in more of an effort to talk to you and hang out with you.
If he keeps getting the sense that you are needy, you will only keep pushing him further and further away from you.
What you should do is stop snapping him so frequently, especially not at 5am.
You need to give him the impression that you have your own life and you are not constantly thinking about him.
Guys often start seriously chasing a girl when they get the impression that the girl doesn’t need them.
You need to develop this level of nonchalance.
If he sends you a random snap without opening your previous snaps, do not respond to that random snap.
Doing this will show him that you are not so incredibly desperate for his attention.
This is how you will start planting the seeds of both desire and doubt in his mind.
It is how you start creating stakes in this relationship.
When a guy starts feeling as though there are stakes, he will start putting in a lot more effort to make a relationship work because he will become fearful that he is on the verge of losing it.
He replied to your text by telling you to leave him alone because in asking him whether he was mad at you, that only made him feel that much more that you are seeking emotional acknowledgment from him and you are too needy.
In asking you to leave him alone, he was seeking some reprieve from your neediness.
What is wrong with him is simply a feeling that this relationship has taken a turn that he never wanted.
He feels like he has to nourish you emotionally and he doesn’t want that kind of responsibility.
He is taking the mean and disrespectful route because he is trying to push against what it is that he knows you want.
He has chosen not to tell you that he is done with the relationship because there is still a part of him that hopes that the relationship can one day get back to how it was when the both of you initially started hooking up and hanging out.
Hi Melissa,
It is unlikely that he is just biding his time with his ex so as to be satisfied physically while hoping that he will end up with you at some point in the future as soulmates.
The both of you dated for a few days and he ended up breaking things off.
Though he told you that he didn’t think that he was ready for a serious relationship, that was most likely untrue.
It didn’t take him long to go back to his prior girlfriend after breaking things off with you.
Even though he told you that he doesn’t have an emotional connection with her nor do they have very much in common, he clearly feels comfortable enough with her to have gone back to her.
If he truly wanted to be with you, he would have at least given the relationship a fighting chance.
Giving up on it only after a few days is not an indication of a guy who truly wants to be with you.
He has been friendly and flirty with you in the past couple of months because he feels like he can behave in this way and get away with it with you.
Being that he is your best friend, he may feel that you would not mind this kind of behavior because he knows you very well and the both of you just click.
You are his safe territory.
With you, he can flirt and joke around freely in a way that he couldn’t with some random girl or some other female coworker who may misconstrue his behavior as a sign that he is interested.
He flirts for fun with the belief that it is harmless because he is doing it with you.
However, none of this behavior means that he has the kind of feelings for you that would make him want to get into a serious relationship with you at some point.
It is best not to overthink what he is doing and risk getting yourself emotionally hooked.
He just flirts with you because he knows that he can do it without consequences.
He gets an ego boost from it.
He doesn’t intend nor does he want the flirting to go beyond just lighthearted fun.
He broke up with you only after a few days because he realized that he was much more comfortable having you as a best friend as opposed to a relationship partner.
He wants to keep it that way.
Hi Shifty,
You should definitely be proud of yourself for having the courage to ask her out.
If you have made the decision to be her friend and believe that you can handle talking to her without feeling sad, the more power to you.
All the best.
Hi Shifty,
Not to worry.
It happens to the best of us.
The important thing is that you made a decisive move in asking her out.
Now that she has let it be known that she only sees you as a friend, you don’t have to keep torturing yourself in an attempt to figure out whether she likes you.
So many guys who never drum up the courage to ask a girl out often put themselves in this position.
You never have to worry about that now.
As far as the message, you really don’t have to respond to it.
There really isn’t much else to discuss.
You should not react to her in any other manner than is the basic norm when you see her at school.
In other words, you can still be friendly.
However, you don’t need to spend any quality time with her at school, whether it be at recess or somewhere else, if you don’t really feel like it.
Start focusing your attention on talking to other girls and asking out the ones that you are interested in.
It will not be long before you will meet a girl who says yes and follows through.
Hi Shifty,
Great job on asking her out and congratulations.
It is best to have a combination of texting and calling.
At these early stages, it is best to text most days and call perhaps once or twice a week.
So, in the beginning, you may be doing about 80 percent texting and 20 percent calling.
However, as time goes on and the both of you are getting to know each other better and going out on more dates, the percentages should become more balanced out so that there is a relatively even blend of the two.
You shouldn’t ask her, “On which day do we meet?”
Yes, that is not confident enough.
You should just give her a day and time.
If that doesn’t work for her due to her schedule, she will let you know or even volunteer a different day and time that works best for her.
Hi Alex,
This guy may have never broken up with his girlfriend because he still loves her.
He may have told his ex girlfriend that he is going to break up with his current girlfriend because he may not have been happy with how the relationship was going.
Perhaps he felt as though he got along a lot better with his ex girlfriend when they were in a relationship.
He may have even had some recent arguments with his current girlfriend that led him to become even more upset with her.
However, he may have never broken up with his current girlfriend because they may have started getting along a lot better and she may have started showing him a lot more affection than he is used to from her.
As a result, he may have chosen to stay with his current girlfriend because he has gotten comfortable with her and doesn’t want to take the risk of breaking up with her and coming to regret it.
You are welcome Shifty.
It is not uncommon to lose confidence when it comes to asking a girl out.
However, the less you think about it, the less likely you will create all kinds of negative stories in your mind about how she will react to it.
With that in mind, try not to think too hard about it in the next 2 days before you are able to meet up with her again at school.
Focus on other activities and thoughts.
The less time you spend thinking about it, the less likely you will psych yourself out of asking her out.
Looking forward to finding out how it went.
All the best.
Hi Shifty,
You should ask her out immediately into the conversation.
The danger of waiting it out until the middle or end of the conversation is that, you may rely on the conversation to go a certain way so that it feels more natural to ask her out by the middle or end of it.
This could easily put you in a position where you don’t quite know when to ask her out because the conversation hasn’t reached the level where you feel the most confident in doing it.
This could cause you to delay asking her out, only to discover that by the end of the conversation, you still don’t feel comfortable doing it.
It is best to ask her out immediately so as not to rely on how well a conversation goes in order to do it.
Just get it out of the way.
Then, you can proceed to have a conversation with her.
Hi Susan,
You should allow this break to happen.
Do not try to contact him.
If you try to contact him to tell him that you regret your behavior, you would only make him want to take an even longer break.
This is the time that you need to spend building up your sense of self.
You should spend this time working on yourself as opposed to trying to get him back.
That is what he wants you to do.
If all you do is keep trying to contact him in an attempt to get him back, he will know that you are simply being desperate and this will turn him off even more.
He would know that you haven’t done any work on yourself and you are simply trying to get him back so that you don’t feel alone or neglected.
The amount of time he will need depends on how much time he thinks will be required for you to make some changes when it comes to your sensitivity, moodiness, neediness and depression.
Being that the both of you have been in a relationship for over a year and this is the first time that he is asking for a break, it is likely that he will try to reconnect with you within thirty days.
However, in order for this to happen, you have to make sure that you do not try to contact him.
To have any chance at saving your relationship, you will need to put in the work on yourself.
Know what your strengths and weaknesses are.
Work to strengthen your positive characteristics and eliminate your most profound weaknesses.
This is not necessarily the end of your relationship as long as you do not initiate contact with him and you use this break to put in the work on yourself.
Hi Jorge,
You are welcome.
Your conclusion is understandable.
Perhaps you can take a lesson from this experience and move forward in a positive way.
All the best.
You are welcome Enn.
Regardless of how many lunches you have with your ex or how often he calls you his best friend, he has a girlfriend that he has now been with for just over a year.
There is a reason why he rarely invites you to functions where she will also be present.
He doesn’t want to jeopardize his relationship with her.
It is best not to get your hopes up with him.
Doing so could make it that much harder for you to move on from him.
All the best.
Hi Enn,
Your ex may still be flirting with you, wanting to hang out and asking for hugs because he doesn’t want to see you with anyone else.
He may know that when he acts in this way, you will keep wondering whether he still likes you or wants to be with you.
He may be protective of his ego to the point where he just doesn’t want to see you with someone else.
As long as he knows that you are still thinking about him, he feels that he can have some kind of control over your love life.
This kind of behavior doesn’t necessarily mean that he still has feelings for you.
Being that he has dated his current girlfriend for just over a year and is committed to her, there is a good chance that he doesn’t have feelings for you.
Again, he may simply want to keep you single so as to make him never have to worry about some other guy getting your attention.
As long as he gives you the impression that there is a chance that the both of you could get back together, he knows that he can keep his ego fed without ever having to return to you as a boyfriend.
Hi Kevin,
There is a chance that an ex would want to get back together.
It is not unusual for exes to get back together after a breakup.
However, a lot depends on the kind of relationship that you had with your ex, what your ex wants and whether they see a future with you.
There are no guarantees that an ex would want to get back together.
Hence, it is always best to live your life and move forward in a positive way.
Hi Kair,
Even though you have since interacted with many beautiful girls who act in the same way as the girl that you like, she still comes to mind because you haven’t allowed yourself to get over her.
You are still thinking about what could have been.
There may even still be a part of you that is hoping that you will see her again one day.
As long as you are still emotionally attached to these desires, it will be difficult for you to give any other girl a chance.
This emotional attachment is also why you keep thinking about her during the day at your job.
Remember that you spent a year and a half looking at this girl, thinking that she was very beautiful.
That amount of time may have caused you to become more and more emotionally attached to her, even if you didn’t believe that you were interested in her at the time.
You haven’t had this kind of experience with any of the beautiful girls who are currently giving you attention.
Hi Shifty,
Asking her out the next time you see her is the right call.
Yes, tell me how it went.
All the best.
Hi Shifty,
Yes, you should ask her out, even if it has been two weeks since you last saw her.
She was the one who approached you first and then proceeded to approach you throughout that week.
When you approached her as she was talking to her friends, she turned to you and talked to you.
So far, she has shown strong signs of interest.
She wouldn’t have forgotten about you in two weeks.
If anything, she may have been thinking about you quite a bit in these two weeks, perhaps even wondering whether you are thinking about her.
Hence, it is unlikely that she would have lost interest in you.
It is not too early to ask her out.
You are not asking her to be your girlfriend. You are just asking her out on a date.
The sooner you do so, the better.
Hi Anna,
A good way to get over your internet friend of whom you are in love with and who also happens to be your best friend is to start getting busy with other activities during your day.
If you text each other every minute of every day, it would be next to impossible to get over them.
You need to create a healthy separation.
This means developing a life of your own filled with activities that you love and that you want to learn.
This will also help you build new relationships.
By having more relationships in your life, you will have other people to talk to and eventually start confiding in.
This helps in decreasing your emotional dependence on this internet friend.
Hi Karina,
Someone who can’t cope with the hard work of relationships should stay single.
Committed relationships take work and compromise.
If a person isn’t willing to put in this kind of effort, it is best that they stay single.
They can still date casually if they want.
However, they shouldn’t date someone who is looking for a serious relationship.
Doing so would only lead to a waste of that person’s time, as well as the possibility of heartbreak.
You are welcome Brad.
You are welcome Jorge.
All the best.
Hi Jorge,
If you don’t have mutual friends, you may still have a chance at this friendship not being over.
19 years of friendship is a long time.
Women often value relationships.
She may still come around to wanting to reconnect with you.
Something that you can try is to start being more social in your town.
Go out more often to some of the local hot spots for singles.
Being that you are both single, you may bump into her at some point.
If this happens, it is best to avoid initiating conversation.
Instead, let her be the one to do so if she so chooses.
Being that it has been a month since you last interacted with her, her emotions may have settled.
Hence, there is a chance that she would be more willing to talk to you at the venue or reach out to you at a later date via text.
Hi Jorge,
Your friend told you that she didn’t want to talk to you again and to leave her alone because she was hurt by the messages that she received from you when you were drunk.
That notwithstanding, your friendship with her is not necessarily over.
However, even though it has been a month since she told you to leave her alone, you should still keep your distance.
She may still be really upset over what happened.
You should stop thinking about trying to make things right.
Just let her continue having her space.
Focus more so on making sure that you are a positive influence around mutual friends or acquaintances that the both of you may know.
Be extra helpful to them.
This way, they may continuously report back to her about how much of a good guy you are and this alone may eventually make her feel as though she should give you a second chance.
Hi Adeliade,
Your boyfriend may still be affected by the argument that you both had.
Even though he has since sent you a message apologizing, there may still be a part of him that is caught up in all that was said during that argument and what caused the argument in the first place.
He may be coming online and viewing what you are doing in social media but not saying a word because he still wants to feel connected to you in some capacity, but he isn’t entirely comfortable with communicating with you in these moments because of the lasting effect that the argument had on him.
He may have actually apologized to you prematurely.
In other words, there may be more about this argument that is bothering him.
If it has been 28 hours since he communicated with you, he may now be in the process of dissecting what that argument was really about.
Sometimes, guys in a relationship just need some time to process their emotions.
When they do, there is a chance that they will either proceed with the relationship as normal and let that incident go, or they may want to talk about it some more.
Try to avoid panicking.
Doing so could make you start messaging him in desperation and this could actually cause yet another argument or make him feel that much more uncomfortable.
Instead, let him reach out to you again.
When he does, ask him whether he would like to talk about what happened.
If he does, this would be an opportunity for the both of you to speak freely and give yourselves the opportunity to come to terms with whatever issues there are in the relationship and hopefully come up with solutions.
If he tells you that he doesn’t want to talk about it, then let him know that you are always open to talking about it if he ever chooses to.
This helps in giving him a degree of reassurance that you are open to listening to him if he ever wants to talk about that argument in greater detail.
Approaching your next interaction with him in this way may be what helps in making your relationship less strenuous at this time, thereby allowing the both of you to gradually get back to how it used to be.
Hi Mark,
Yes, it is hopeless.
You have made multiple attempts to contact her and there has been no progress in terms of getting her back.
Even though she told you that she likes persistence, that is normally in reference to when she is being pursued by a guy for the first time.
In your case, the both of you were already in a relationship.
Hence, the persistence that you have now shown in trying to get her back is actually not the kind of persistence that she was referencing.
She has trust issues with guys.
Her last relationship was abusive and she has had a history of her boyfriends cheating on her.
She has no contact with her father who cheated on her mother.
During the course of your relationship with her, she has shown signs of insecurity.
She showed this when she claimed that you were looking at other girls at the restaurant.
She also showed this when she got angry about your attempt to hold her hand and show PDA after the baseball game.
There is little doubt that the history that she has had when it comes to relationships, whether it be with a member of her family or her romantic relationships have affected her ability to let her guard down and trust someone.
However, you were able to get her to lower her guard for a while.
But, with a girl like this, anything can set her off and make her put her defensive wall back up again.
This is why she reacted the way she did when she read the text that you exchanged with the guy friend that was rude to her.
This made her put her defensive wall back up.
Unfortunately, even if you were to somehow succeed in getting this girl back, the trust issue is most likely always going to be a problem.
You will find yourself constantly having to defend your actions even when you did nothing wrong.
She has to truly work on herself.
She should actually not be getting into relationships at this time.
However, she seems to need them.
After all, she started dating you only a few months after a two year relationship with her ex.
She may be the type who can’t stay single for very long when in fact she should spend some time on herself and try working on her insecurities.
Based on her history, it is likely that she will get into another relationship with some other guy relatively soon.
Unfortunately, he will most likely experience the same issues as you have.
These would be issues with constant distrust and shifts in emotions.
One day she doesn’t want PDA, next day she gets upset that the guy didn’t show her any PDA when she wanted it.
You have already experienced this with her.
She told you that she was falling in love with you, but she was not in love with you yet. Hence, yes, even if she felt half the way that she told you that she felt, she could still change her perspective on you.
It doesn’t take much to lose that feeling of beginning to fall in love with someone, if her fear of being hurt or betrayed by that person is much stronger than whatever feelings she had built up for them.
In other words, she would much rather lose you than go through the emotional anguish of being betrayed by you.
She may not have necessarily lied to you about beginning to fall in love with you.
Again, this was most likely when she allowed herself to let down her guard.
However, she never actually fell in love with you.
She was in the process of doing so.
Now that she has put a stop to it due to her insecurities, it is much easier for her to let you go and move on.
You should follow her example and do the same.
Hi Lars,
You can initiate conversation with a girl without seeming needy by simply approaching it in the same way that you would when talking to a friend.
Instead of trying to impress her by saying something that is designed to get a favorable reaction out of her, try to be more natural.
Try not to look at her as some girl that you are trying to get.
Instead, just talk to her in a way that makes her feel as though she has spoken to you before.
An easy way to initiate conversation would be to use your environment.
Simply pick something out in the environment that you are in and start talking about it.
Perhaps it is a store, video, music that is playing, etc.
Use that as your first topic.
Oftentimes, further conversation will flow from this point on, as long as the both of you are talking to each other with ease.
Hi Benjamin,
A sign that a girl friendzoned you in Snapchat is when she never sends you private messages.
Just about every message that she sends to you is one that she has sent to the rest of her friends.
Another sign that a girl friendzoned you in Snapchat is when her messages tend to be relatively short and she rarely uses expressive icons.
When she does use expressive icons, she may keep them very generic in nature.
A sign that a girl likes you in Snapchat is when she sends you a lot of private messages that only the both of you can see and in those private messages, she tends to flirt with you.
Another sign that a girl likes you in Snapchat is when she is constantly watching your Snapchat stories.
This is especially true when she is watching your Snapchat stories at late hours when she should be sleeping.
Instead of sleeping, she is up watching your stories.
If she were then to like or comment on those Snapchat stories, she would be demonstrating that much more that she likes you.
Hi Mia,
Your ex boyfriend most likely doesn’t hate you.
He is talking bad about you because this is how he is processing and dealing with the breakup.
He may be trying to reassure himself that he made the right decision in breaking up with you.
By talking bad about you and receiving validation in the responses of other people, he may be hoping to experience justification for the breakup and consequently make himself feel better about it.
He has to have someone to blame so as not to have to bear any responsibility for what may have gone wrong in your relationship with him.
The person that he is putting the blame on is you.
Unfortunately, this is how some people deal with a breakup.
He may have ended his relationship with you because he just got bored with it.
The relationship may have been too predictable and he wanted to experience something new and exciting.
That’s one possibility.
Another could be that loving him as much as you did may have given him a sense of inadequacy.
Perhaps he felt that he didn’t deserve that much love, being that he has never experienced it from anyone else that he has dated in the past.
In fact, he may actually be used to being in relationships that aren’t very loving at all.
Perhaps these previous relationships were often punctuated with bitter arguments.
That may be what he is used to and what he wants to go back to.
There are certain people who love the chaos, even when it is detrimental to the health and long-term prospects of a relationship.
He may have ended his relationship with you because you were giving him the kind of love that he wasn’t used to and he wanted to return to the kind of chaos that has poisoned his relationships in the past.
Hi Benjamin,
If she is interested in you, she would respond to a flirt by simply flirting back.
She could initiate it by teasing you or giving you a compliment.
It is best to use a flirt that will require more than a simple “thank you” in response.
If you just compliment her on something that requires no more than a “thank you” response, that may be all that you get.
Instead, you should look to start an actual topic of discussion with your flirt as the instigator.
For example, you could start a flirt like this, “Ever seen INSERT NAME OF MOVIE HERE?”
She responds with a yes or no. You then proceed to tell her that she reminds you of X actress who was in that movie.
Assuming that this actress is attractive, you would be flirting with her.
This type of approach will often open her up to flirting even more with you during this exchange if she is familiar with the actress and likes her.
It could even lead to talking about other roles that this particular actress has played. In those roles, you may find even more opportunities to flirt with her by drawing similarities between her and this particular actress.
If she isn’t familiar with the actress, you may have still piqued her curiosity, thereby making her feel the need to look up that actress afterward.
If she likes what she sees, she may initiate a flirt the next time that she talks to you.
Perhaps she tells you about a handsome actor that you remind her of.
Another example of how to flirt with her would be, “Is it just me or have you never taken a bad photo?”
You could use this in reference to the pics that she posts on her snapchat.
This kind of flirt sends the message that she is attractive but it also gives her a strong sense of gratitude that you admire her pics.
This may give her inspiration to start praising how you look in your pics as well.
This is the kind of opening flirt that could easily lead to a number of flirtatious exchanges between the both of you.
Hi Benjamin,
So far, the fact that she replies fast when you text and that she added you to her private snapchat story and even sent you a live pic of her out of the blue in the middle of a conversation, does not necessarily indicate that she is interested in you.
In other words, none of these acts really stand out of the ordinary.
If she rarely asks questions when the both of you chat, it could be because she isn’t a particularly good talker.
She may be more comfortable in reacting than in instigating.
This doesn’t really indicate whether she is interested in you or not.
However, a way that you can go about determining whether she is interested in you is by flirting with her.
Oftentimes, when a girl likes you, she will respond to the flirt and even start initiating it as time goes on.
If she is not interested in you, she will have a lackluster response to the flirt and she most certainly won’t start initiating it as time goes on.
Hi Lili,
Understanding men better works best when you avoid reading too much into something that they say or do.
Sometimes with men, the simplest explanation is actually the right one.
When a guy changes the sound of his voice like it was done in the video, it is typically to make his audience feel less intimidated by their situation.
In other words, the guy just wants the audience or the person that he is addressing to avoid overthinking their particular situation and look at it with more of a simple and lighthearted perspective.
Hi Benjamin,
Thank you for your kind comment and I am glad that the videos have helped you.
A good way to ask her if that snap was only meant to be sent to you is to make a comment in acknowledgment of the snap and then ask her about how everybody else she sent it to reacted to it.
By asking her in this way, you are able to get her to let you know whether she also sent that snap to her friends without giving anything away as far as what you are hoping for.
If she sent it to her friends as well, she will proceed to let you know how some of them reacted to it.
If she only sent that snap to you, she will let you know that you were the only one that she sent it to.
Hi Connor,
You should figure out whether you can handle just being her friend and nothing more.
She doesn’t like you romantically.
She had an opportunity to go out to dinner or the movies with you and she said no.
This was also after she had already broken up with her boyfriend.
She knows that you like her romantically but she has shown no signs of feeling the same way about you.
Even though she has snuggled up to you in the past and touched your arm and butt, this doesn’t indicate that she likes you romantically.
She has called you one of her best friends.
Girls will often get physically close to their best friends and even snuggle up to them because they feel safe and comfortable around them.
It doesn’t mean that they like you romantically.
There isn’t a chance for romance with this girl.
If you feel that you can have a platonic friendship with her, which is all that she wants from you, you can just keep talking to her as though you never said anything to her about your feelings.
However, if you feel that you will be unable to maintain a relationship with her that is strictly platonic, it may be best to keep your distance for a while, at least until you have moved on from your romantic feelings for her.
Hi Leo,
First and foremost, you need to find out whether she is still interested in being your girlfriend.
If you are the one who is initiating every conversation and always engaging her, this is not healthy.
As your girlfriend, she should be sharing in the responsibility of making this relationship work.
Hence, you should have an honest conversation with her and ask her about how she feels about the relationship.
She may actually no longer be interested in being your girlfriend. If that is the case, it is important to find that out now instead of hopelessly trying to keep the relationship going.
On the other hand, she may still want to be your girlfriend but something may be bothering her about the relationship.
This would be her opportunity to let you know what it is.
It may be an issue that can be worked on and resolved relatively quickly.
However, the first step is for you to talk to your girlfriend.
The sooner you find out why she is behaving the way she is, the sooner you will know where you stand and whether this relationship is salvageable.
Hi Christina,
Don’t panic. Your ex will come back.
However, you should ensure that you don’t continue initiating texts to him at this time.
He may still be upset over the Twitter misunderstanding.
Just give him space.
Guys often don’t like talking or dealing with emotional issues in a relationship.
Instead of talking it through, many opt to just disappear and take some time out from the relationship.
That is most likely what he is doing now.
He will text you again as long as you stop initiating texts to him at this time.
Hi Miguel,
If your girlfriend left you because she wants to put the work into overcoming her depression, it would be best to leave her to it.
If you keep getting in the way, it may make her start detesting you. This will worsen your chances of her ever wanting to date you again.
Give her space.
Start building more of your own life. Work on growing as a person.
In time, you may discover that you have a much better sense of self than you did when your girlfriend broke up with you.
Whether she comes back or not, you are still better off with a more robust sense of self than without.
Hi Lili,
When a guy jokingly says, “I will marry you,” it is often because he can actually see himself marrying someone like you.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to marry you specifically.
Oftentimes, he is just indicating that he really enjoys your company and that you have the kind of personality that would make him want to marry someone like you.
The mixed signals that you get from him would indicate that he is unsure about what kind of relationship he wants to have with you.
That’s why sometimes he will look down and smile at you, but other times he says no to helping you or spending time together.
There is just a part of him that worries about appearing to be too soft or too affectionate whenever he is interacting with you.
He may have some personal insecurities when it comes to opening himself up to a woman and making himself somewhat vulnerable by so doing.
He worries that if he were to spend too much quality time with you, he may start getting deeper feelings for you and this scares him.
This is often why he won’t spend time with you even when no one else is around.
Being that he doesn’t want a label to be put on his relationship with you, he typically doesn’t want other people to see the both of you.
He just likes to keep things in limbo.
He doesn’t want to commit to anything, but at the same time, he does enjoy the attention that he gets from you.
Based on his behavior, this is a guy who isn’t ready for a committed relationship and he may not be ready for one any time soon.
Best way to act around him is to play it cool.
Avoid asking him to spend time with you.
Just act as though you don’t really care whether he hangs out with you or not.
In other words, always have other plans.
This is how you start making him feel less important to you.
If he gets this feeling, he may start changing his behavior in an attempt to get more of your attention and this is when he may actually start spending a lot more time with you.
Hi Sami,
It would still be best to try talking to her first even though you aren’t sure about when you will be able to engage in conversation with her.
She will not necessarily get creeped out if you add her randomly on social media.
However, she may just think that you are some random guy who is trying to get her attention and this is not a good place to be.
It is better to already have an impression in her mind before adding her to social media.
An impression would require that you actually talk to her first and build some rapport in the process.
Hi Jael,
He doesn’t seem to be serious about his relationship with you.
He hasn’t told you what he is looking for, even after you told him what you are looking for. This is never a good sign.
Also, he seems to be using your company as a way to pass the time.
After 3 months of dating, he should have started talking to you on the phone.
Only texting is not acceptable nor excusable.
Even though you can’t stop thinking about this guy, he is not looking for what you are looking for.
He seems to prefer a relationship of convenience where there are no expectations of him.
If you are looking for a serious relationship, it would be best to move on.
Hi Brad,
The fact that you are on the autism spectrum doesn’t mean that non-autistic women will not date you ever.
There are women who date all kinds of men.
They judge the man based on how he makes them feel as opposed to whatever condition or disability that he may have.
It would be best to start putting yourself around women who are like this.
Oftentimes, you will find them in volunteer work or social charities.
These are often selfless women who are nonjudgmental in who they choose to date.
If you are able, start putting yourself in these kind of environments and there is a good chance that you will meet non-autistic women who will be willing to date you.
Hi Sami,
It would be best to talk to her again instead of randomly adding her on social media.
If you talk to her again, you will hopefully be able to establish some rapport with her.
It will also give you the opportunity to exchange social media information with each other while you are both talking.
This is the more effective way to do it.
If you just randomly add her on social media, it would be too easy for her to deny your request.
Even if she accepted it, being that you didn’t build any kind of rapport with her beforehand, she wouldn’t necessarily engage with you on social media as frequently as you would like, if at all.
Hi Sami,
Even if we suppose that she has no boyfriend, these aren’t signs that definitively show that she is interested.
She has only stared at you a couple of times. That is too little.
She could have easily been daydreaming when she was staring at you and thinking about something completely different.
The smiles could merely indicate that she is a polite person and smiles at everyone that greets her.
Instead of adding her on social media at this time, try talking to her first.
Break the ice with her and establish some initial rapport.
If the conversation goes well, you could both exchange social media information at that time.
Hi Tom,
It is best to let your intentions be known now.
Do understand that this girl has rejected you once before and that she has not truly shown any convincing signs of romantic interest thereafter.
She may have said what she did when the both of you were on LSD, but, the both of you were on LSD. She was not exactly clearheaded at the time.
However, if you still feel that you want another chance at this girl, it is best that you let your intentions be known now.
You have to get her out of that friendship mindset.
You should have never allowed the friendship relationship to get as far as it did before finally letting her know how you felt about her.
But you did.
Now, she has you in the friendship category in her mind and it will be incredibly difficult to get yourself out of it.
You have also not done yourself any favors by building her up to such a fantastical level in your mind.
Again, if you still feel the need to try again with this girl, let your intentions be known now.
The longer you wait, the more you will make her out to be a lot more than what she really is in your mind.
This will make it that much harder for you to make your intentions known because you would have raised the stakes to an impossibly high level.
Hi Sicebile,
Someone has to be the grown up here.
The long distance relationship has put a strain on your relationship with your boyfriend.
When he started pulling away, he started rebelling against it.
You responded in kind.
What that has now caused is the both of you trying to get the better of the other. So now, things have gone too far.
You should react by calling him and having a real heart to heart conversation with him about feelings.
He is struggling with this long distance relationship.
Initially, he may have thought that he could handle it. However, the fact that he has been pulling away, including his reluctance to come and see you when you came home, would indicate that he is unhappy with it.
Guys are often not very good with expressing how they feel.
They often choose to act up instead or just become distant.
Call him and have an honest conversation as adults.
Start it off by letting him know that you understand how difficult a long distance relationship can be.
Be open about your feelings and the mistakes that you may have made so far.
Oftentimes, this kind of openness on your part will make him feel encouraged to be more open and expressive about his own feelings.
Once you have this heart to heart conversation, it will be easier for the both of you to figure out whether this long distance relationship is truly viable or not.
Hi Eden,
You should continue about life.
If your ex fiance still has these insecurities, including depression, he may not be intent on seeking help.
You shouldn’t put your life on hold in the hopes that someone will get their life together.
This is often a recipe for a lifetime of singlehood.
Hi Elijah,
As of now, she may not be particularly interested in getting to know you. If there is an interest, it may be quite weak at this time.
Going to homecoming with you was her opportunity to begin the real process of getting to know you and she didn’t take it.
You should hang out with the backup date at the after party.
Even if this first girl that you like shows up there, it is a good idea to have her see you with this other girl.
This is often what can make a girl feel like a guy is worth pursuing and can trigger a sense of competition in her mind.
Though it may seem as though the first girl wants to hang because that is all that the both of you did at the first party, this may actually not be the case.
Try not to hang on to all the sexual tension that you felt with her at that first party.
That was in the moment.
She may come to this after party a totally different person from who you remembered in that first party.
Hence, avoid having all these expectations in your mind.
Simply go to this after party with this new girl that you will go to homecoming with and hang out with this new girl as much as possible.
If this first girl shows up and sees you, this may be what she needs to finally light a very strong spark of motivation on her part to try to start talking to you on a serious level.
Play it cool while you are there and avoid trying to get the first girl’s attention.
Instead, focus most of your attention on the new girl.
Let the first girl feel the urge to come to you.
If she does this, you have succeeded in sparking her interest.
From here, it may only be a matter of time before the both of you go out on an official first date.
Hi Lisa,
To get him to trust you again, avoid trying to do so in an obvious and very transparent way.
If you try too hard to get him to trust you again by continuously telling him that you can be trusted and to forgive you, you will only end up making him think otherwise.
After all, all words and no action provide very little evidence that you are indeed someone that he can trust again.
You need to use action instead of words.
If you have mutual friends with this guy, start helping those friends out in beneficial ways.
It may be with giving them good advice on particular problems that they may be having or actually helping them out physically with something that they need help with.
If you do this often enough, the word will get around about how great of a friend you are and he will hear about it.
This will make him feel inclined to ask questions about you to these mutual friends who keep singing your praises.
If he hears enough accounts about your helpful behavior, he may feel the need to reach out to you.
This is when you will have your second chance with this guy.
Be humble in your interaction with him. Don’t praise yourself.
The key to this working is in other people doing the praising and consistently speaking well of you.
In time, he may reach out to you more and more.
Eventually, the both of you could be right back into it.
This method requires time and patience on your end.
However, if you value this guy enough, it would be worth it to put in the time and effort required to get his trust back again.
Hi Sami,
She most likely doesn’t have a crush on you.
She does have a boyfriend. Oftentimes, this means that a girl is not emotionally available to you.
She has only stared at you a couple of times. This doesn’t indicate a pattern of behavior.
Even though she usually smiles when you both greet each other, she most likely does it to be polite.
There is a good chance that she smiles at other people that she greets, not just you.
When she ignored you and acted as if she didn’t see you, she may have simply been having a bad day.
Perhaps there was something on her mind that day that was bothering her.
She may have ignored a number of people that day, not just you.
It is best to move on.
Again, she does have a boyfriend. Even if she were to suddenly start liking you out of the blue, her boyfriend would always be a complication.
It is best to pursue a girl who isn’t in a relationship.
This way, the both of you can interact with a lot more openness from the very start.
Hi Arsalan,
Her father may be worried that he doesn’t know who you are and what your background is. He may be worried that you may corrupt his daughter.
If you come from a good family, you can try to use your good family name to help improve your situation.
The next time that he lets her out, perhaps to go to church or the mosque, you should find a way to send her a message and tell her to inform her father about the kind of family that you come from and that they are willing to talk to him and introduce themselves.
If you already love each other this much, you have both probably already considered marriage at some point in the future.
Her father may take this offer and decide to speak to a member of your family.
If he feels good about the interaction and the fact that you come from a good family, he may feel a lot more comfortable with the idea of letting his daughter out to meet you and may start letting it happen.
Hi Lizzie,
You should proceed by not having anything further to do with this guy.
He has shown more than enough signs that indicate that he isn’t someone to be trusted.
He has never paid back the $600 that you lent him.
Ever since he received that money, he has acted distant and barely contacted you and you have now discovered that he is back on the dating app.
Though you have been dating this guy for six months and have most likely developed feelings for him, you need to judge him based on his actions and not on any false promises he may have given you in the past about his aspirations for this relationship.
If you were to stay on in a relationship with this guy, there would only be more and more deceit to follow.
Take this as good fortune that you have dodged a bullet.
It would have been much worse if you were engaged to be married to this guy only to experience everything that you have so far.
Though you may be very hurt, try to avoid using that as an excuse to reach out to him in order to get some clarification.
Again, judge him by his actions.
His actions have spoken loud and clear that he is not to be trusted.
Hence, it is best to proceed by letting this guy go and consequently keeping him out of your life.
Hi Destiny,
If you haven’t really done anything to your crush, he may be acting so mean towards you because he doesn’t want you to get a read for how much he may like you.
There are some guys who worry that if the girl were to know whether he likes her or how much he does, it could make him look weak or vulnerable.
As a result, they become mean towards her so as to give off the impression that they don’t actually like the girl all that much, if at all.
Your crush may be worried that you will be able to pick up on certain cues that indicate that he likes you or the level in which he likes you.
In order to avoid feeling this transparent, he chooses to be mean to you.
Even though he barely knows you, doing this still makes the most sense to him.
This way, he is able to maintain a strong degree of control over your emotions, thereby making him feel that much more empowered.
Hi Kair,
The solution is to accept the fact that you will never see her again.
The reason why you can’t move on is because you keep holding on to the possibility of being in a relationship with her.
That opportunity is gone forever.
Once you accept this bitter, yet freeing fact, it will be a lot easier to get her out of your mind.
Hi Kair,
You probably keep thinking about her because you found her to be very beautiful from the first time that you saw her.
However, you placed boundaries on yourself based on the fact that she belonged to a different community and race.
You may have placed this boundary based on what is expected of you within your own community.
However, this may not actually be a boundary that you entirely agree with. There was a part of you that was still attracted to this girl regardless of the differences.
When she kept on trying to get your attention and you kept ignoring her, this made you become that much more intrigued by her, even though you were trying to make yourself believe that you weren’t.
When you moved to another city, this caused a separation between the both of you which has now given you time to reflect.
You miss the attention that she used to give you.
Even though you are trying to look at other girls, you will keep thinking about this one girl because she is the one that you have shared some history with and you are also the most attracted to.
