By Lucas Owen
Being separated from a spouse is not an easy experience. In legal separation, you have both received an order from the court that allows you to be legally separated. This order could include an agreement on child custody, support and visitation rights. It could also include financial obligations as to who pays the mortgage or who stays in what property. On the other hand, you may have both separated from each other through a verbal agreement. Without involving the court, you have mutually agreed to live apart from each other for a while. Whichever route you have chosen to take, this is clearly a challenging time in your life. Here are ways you can cope with it:
Continue Your Routine
At a difficult time as now, you may be tempted to break your routine. You may not feel like you are up to performing the duties you have always done. It’s extremely important at this time that you avoid causing a big change to your routine. There should still be a sense of normalcy in your life. This is even more relevant if you have children. They shouldn’t feel that there has been some drastic change in what they are used to. Granted, there is the absence of a parent, but this is difficult enough without them having to deal with another drastic change in their daily routine.
Don’t Feel Like A Failure
Feeling like somehow you have failed is a very easy emotion to experience. You think back to the vows you made and your vision of the ideal marriage, then you wonder where it all went wrong. This is not the time to start blaming yourself or feeling regret. No matter the reason that led to this separation, the chances of a reconciliation are very slim if you already look at the relationship as a failure. There were some good aspects about your marriage and believe it or not, you were half the reason for them.
Avoid Speaking Badly Of Your Spouse
This is something that can easily slip into your daily routine or your psyche without you necessarily being aware of it. You start speaking badly about your spouse. You may do this when you are around your friends, children or even co-workers. This is one of the worst ways to cope with a separation because it causes a lot of anger and resentment. When you speak badly of your spouse, you are doing more hurt to the relationship than good because it projects blame and negativity to the other party. It creates an environment of disdain and frustration. If you are trying to cope with separation, you don’t want to be walking around with these types of heavy emotions.
Whether you choose to go to counseling with your spouse or by yourself, this is a very helpful way to cope with separation. You would be surprised at just how helpful it is to talk to a professional and clear your chest. A professional can also give you insight on the relationship that you may have never seen on your own.
Be Kind To Your Spouse
No matter the reason for how this separation came about, make a strong effort to be kind and civil to your spouse. Whether you see them every now and then at legal proceedings, family events or when they are picking up the kids, being kind is a major plus in coping with separation. The act of being kind and civil makes you actually feel better inside. It alleviates negative emotions that you may be feeling toward your spouse. It also allows your spouse to return the favor. However, even if they don’t, someone has to be the bigger person in the relationship.
Set Time Aside To Indulge Yourself
Again, going through separation can cause a range of negative emotions that can lead you to feel even a little unworthy. Make it a point to set time aside during the week to engage in something you really love. It could be a favorite TV show, local spot or sport activity. Whatever it is, take the time out to indulge in them. This allows you to continue feeling good about yourself. Feeling good about yourself is a crucial emotion at this time.
Have A Bright Outlook
Try to understand that whether you end up reconciling with your spouse or not, the future is bright. It can be really difficult to do this but you have to try. A bright outlook puts you in the right frame of mind because it allows you to focus on the positive.
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