By Lucas Owen
After having been married for a while, it’s not surprising that you may feel a little uneasy about dating again. The mere thought of you dating someone new may even be a terrifying thought. What do you do? How do you act? How do you even go about meeting new people? Here are a few tips to help you with this process.
Take It Slow
Try to avoid re-entering the dating scene with a bunch of expectations. You shouldn’t be getting into it with thoughts of remarriage or even that of gaining an exclusive partner. Starting to date with such lofty expectations can easily scare away your date or cause you to feel deep disappointment when the end result isn’t as you had hoped. Simply take it slow and allow whatever comes afterward come naturally.
Date A Different Kind Of Person
As human beings, we are so fond of familiarity that we forget that this can actually lead us back to the same old, failed path that we have been on in the past. And yet, we continue repeating the same mistakes due to the comfort we have from this familiarity. Try to avoid dating the exact duplicate of your ex-spouse every time you go on a date. Whether it’s in personality or appearance, constantly dating people that remind you of your ex only leads to disappointment when they turn out indeed NOT to be your ex. Open yourself up to dating different kinds of people. If you are having a hard time meeting people to date, you can try dating sites. They are filled with interesting people searching for the same thing you are.
Avoid Talking About Your Ex-Spouse or Your Divorce
You may do this unconsciously. You could be on a date and suddenly realize that you have been talking about your ex-spouse or divorce the majority of the time. Your poor date may seem sympathetic but the reality is, they didn’t put out the effort to come out on this date just to hear you whine. Hence, make a conscious effort to avoid talking about these two topics if you want the opportunity to go out on more dates and put your divorce behind you.
Show Interest In Your Date
This follows the last point. You do need to show interest in your date. Understand that other people have lives and experiences that they would love to share. After all, that’s why you are on this date. You are there to learn more about someone else. Give them a chance to share who they are with you.
You may not have been in the dating scene for a while and feel that you need to overcompensate in some way by being a little more or a little less than who you are. Try to avoid this. You are not any less interesting because you haven’t dated for a while. Understand that you bring some unique qualities to the table as well. Rediscover what made your ex-spouse fall in love with you in the first place. You are still that person. Avoid trying to be who you are not, even if you worry that this may scare away your date. Be aware that you will not be compatible with everyone, after all, that’s what dating is for, to eventually find that person that you are compatible with. However, you can only be compatible with this person if you were honest about who you were in the first place.
Stick To Light Activity
Avoid doing anything too strenuous or adventurous on your first dates. You are trying to ease back into the dating world, not drive a bulldozer through it. As you become more comfortable with it, you can become more and more adventurous.
Update Your Wardrobe
Remember that it has been a while since you have dated someone other than your ex-spouse. Your closet may have been neglected during that time. Your dates may not be expecting a fashion aficionado but you do need to look presentable. Hence, take a look at your wardrobe and make the necessary changes, whether it be in new clothes, shoes, jewelry or all of the above. This exercise also gives you a sense of turning a new leaf in your life and this is a very good thing.
At first, dating after a divorce can be a scary and uncomfortable thought, but it is possible. Many people do it successfully every day and so can you.
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