By Lucas Owen
According to the US Census Bureau, 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Hence, you are not alone at this difficult time. You are bound to experience one or more of the following feelings during this time: Shock, Denial, Anger, Desperation, Resentment and Anxiety. Understand that these feelings are normal for most people that go through a divorce.
Avoid The Blame Game
Regardless of who you feel was at fault for the divorce, avoid pointing the finger. This causes more resentment on your part. Blaming yourself or your ex does not change where you are right now. Your current frame of mind may be fragile at this point and playing the blame game typically worsens that condition.
Do Not Try To Block Out The Pain
As much as it is important not to play the blame game, it is equally as important not to block out the pain. The hurt can be so intense that all you want to do is block it out and pretend that it doesn’t exist. That would be detrimental to your recovery. You actually need to allow yourself to experience the pain. If you keep trying to block it out, all you would be doing is building a mound of dirt that will eventually overflow and fall right on top of you. At some point, all those emotions that you have been pushing away will come crashing down and consequently devastate you. You don’t want that. There is an old adage that goes, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Hence, face the pain courageously and understand that with time the wounds will heal.
Start A Journal
A great way to deal with your emotions is to write them down. By writing down how you feel and what you are feeling no matter how unpleasant, you are actually reducing the effect of those feelings. The more often you do this, the better you will feel. It’s also another way in which you are accepting your hurt and facing it head on.
Identify Your Faults
No one is perfect. Even if you may feel like you were the perfect spouse and did no wrong, try to sit back and take account of some of the things you did that could have contributed to the divorce. Find your faults no matter how infinitesimal and start working to better or correct that aspect of yourself.
Look For Support From Your Friends
This is a time that you need your friends more than ever. Use them as a support system at this time. Try to avoid spending too much time on your own, buried beneath your heavy thoughts. You do not necessarily have to talk to your friends about the divorce if you don’t feel comfortable about it just yet but do try to be around them.
Seek Counseling Or Find A Support Group
If you do not want to discuss this topic and your emotions with your friends, you can always seek professional help. You would be surprised at just how much better you will feel by simply talking to a professional counselor. It will also give you a boost of confidence because you would be taking positive action towards getting over your divorce. Joining a support group would also work just as effectively. Remember that there are many people going through what you are. Find a divorce support group and either share your experience or listen to their experiences. Being around other people who are going through the same struggle you are allows you to see that you are not alone. This is reassuring and truly aids in the recovery process.
Find A Hobby
If there was something you always wanted to do and never got around to it while you were married, this would be the time to start. By doing this you would be engaging yourself in something positive and rewarding. It’s a step in a direction of self discovery. Have fun with this.
Increase Your Social Circle
Finding a hobby could actually lead you to this, depending on what you decide to do. However, it’s a good idea to put out the effort to meet new people. Due to your divorce, you may have lost some mutual friends that you shared with your ex or you may simply not want to be around the same people all the time who will keep bringing up the topic. Meeting new people helps to infuse a different kind of energy into your life. In order to meet new people you can start volunteering, join an interest group, take an adult class, attend community events, join a social networking site online or even use a dating site such as eharmony.com. Do specify the type of relationship that you are looking for.
See A Future
You have to understand that there is life after divorce. Even though you truly believed that your ex would be the one you would be spending the rest of your life with, you may be surprised at what else life may have in store for you. You will not discover these possibilities unless you let go of the past and truly see a future for yourself. Seeing a bright future is one of the most important steps you can take, because your mind will begin to subconsciously lead you towards that future through your subsequent actions.
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