By Lucas Owen
Infidelity has always being in lockstep with marriage ever since the institution was created. It’s like the dark shadow in the room that is always there and always capable of engulfing the entire room, if the room isn’t well lit. Infidelity in the early times was interpreted in different ways. For example, in early Roman Law, it was not considered infidelity if the married man had sex with a slave or an unmarried woman. This law was called ‘Jus Tori’ and you can be assured that many Roman men took full advantage of this immunity. Back then, they could easily defend their extramarital affairs by stating that since they weren’t having affairs with married women, there was no infidelity involved.
Occurrences Of Extramarital Affairs
Things have changed in modern times. There is no law defining what infidelity is and what it isn’t. Just about everybody understands what it is. According to The Journal Of Couple and Relationship, 60 percent of married men will engage in extramarital sex at some point during their marriage.
Sex Is Not “The” Factor
The reasons why married men cheat may not be as obvious as some people may think. Yes, that means that it is not always about “sex.” In fact, according to Gary Neuman, a bestselling author who conducted a 2 year study on men who had extramarital affairs and men who had been faithful, only 8 percent of those married men who had extramarital affairs stated that they had done so for sex.
Hence, why do married men cheat?
Lack Of Attention
As time goes by after a couple get married, there may be a slight distancing in attention. In other words, now that the mortgage, the kids, the bills, the chores are beginning to take center stage in the relationship, the husband may begin to feel neglected by his wife. The more he feels this lack of attention, the more he feels isolated. This can very easily lead him to cheat.
As his duties compel him, he may begin to feel a load of stress. Gone are the days when he could just hang around with his girlfriend and have a lazy day. That girlfriend has become his wife and consequently the mother of his children. The reality of married life sets in. He realizes that he is not only responsible for providing for his family but he has to set an example for his kids and be an active father. All these responsibilities could lead to stress. He may begin to feel suffocated and may want some air or some form of escape. He may look at an extramarital affair as a chance for him to breathe and even escape his present reality.
Many married men see everything that marriage has brought and start thinking about how life was when they weren’t married. Unlike women, very few men marry for security. Hence, these nostalgic thoughts are not hampered by the fear of losing the security of marriage. Now that he has been married for a while, he is trying to remember what it felt like when he wasn’t. He starts recounting just how much time he used to spend with his wife before they got married and how much fun it was. He remembers the care free nature of their relationship. He also remembers how she used to fawn over him and treat him like he was the center of the universe. In the marriage, all that has literally disappeared. He craves to return to the care free nature of that time, but every time he interacts with his wife, they are either talking about the kids or bills. He may seek an extramarital affair in order to reignite that spark that has now fizzled in his married life.
Alpha Male Mentality
Some married men will cheat simply to see if they can get away with it. It seems like a crazy idea to endanger one’s marriage simply for that, however, it does happen. There is that part of the male psyche that still holds on to the idea that it is alright for the male to be engaged in multiple relationships outside of the one to which he is committed. This mentality may have existed before they got married. During that time, these men were free to bed as many women as they wanted and took full advantage of this. Now that marriage has made them monogamous, they may feel that they need to have an extramarital affair in order to reassure themselves that they still have it. They want to reestablish themselves as alpha males.
Lack of Emotional Intimacy
The popular belief out there is that most men cheat for sex. The truth is that a lot more men cheat for sheer lack of emotional intimacy in their married lives than for the physical act of sex itself. According to bestselling author Gary Neuman’s 2 year study of married men who cheat and married men who are faithful, a stunning 48 percent of the cheating men stated that they had cheated due to a lack of emotional connection in their marriage. When men feel like they have lost that emotional connection with their spouses, they begin to feel a deep sense of despair. As this despair continues to grow they eventually reach the point where they truly need a solution. They are in need of someone who can fulfill them emotionally and let them know that they are still a lively, vibrant and important human being. They will often go outside of their marriage to find this person.
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