Online Personals – Is It Just About Sex?


By Lucas Owen


Many people use internet dating sites to meet other people of interest. There are a number of ways that people use these dating sites and there are numerous niche categories to choose from. It wouldn’t be difficult to find a niche, whatever it may be. Though these niche dating sites do exist, the more mainstream dating sites still have their fair share of first dates that result in sex. About 1 in 3 first dates result in sex. So, why so quickly? Is it just about sex?

A New Age

It is important to remember that online dating has created a different medium of interacting with people entirely. Before online dating personals came along, people traditionally met through a social circle or at a social avenue i.e. night club, bar, wedding etc. 

Growth of Technology

The advent of online dating sites in the last 10 years has actually been fueled by a rapid growth in technology within society as a whole. A person can sit in their car and find out about everything, from the weather, to traffic jams, to the state of the stock market by simply clicking on a button on their mobile phone.

Fast And Easy

It has become a rapid information society in need of immediate information fast and easy. Online dating sites have simply followed that trend. A person can now meet someone else on an online dating site that they have never met, hit it off with that person and meet for a few drinks that very day. The speed is stunning.

Fast Chemistry

This is even more true when you have done some chatting first on the dating site. Due to its multiple chat room themes and the fact that it’s free, many members on for example, chat first online before actually meeting. What has happened is that online dating sites have given people a means to communicate through a totally different medium. A person could look at another person’s dating profile, chat online in real time and already feel a connection with that person without ever even sending an email message.

Rapid Intimacy

So the two of them meet, the sparks fly and the both of them end up having sex that night. Does this mean that it was just about the sex? What if the two of them never communicate again after this meeting? Does this mean that it was just about sex? Not necessarily. Some things work out and some things don’t. The initial spark may be gone just as if they met someone offline, had sex with them on the first date and lost interest afterward. It’s no different just because they met this person on a dating site.


The point is, it’s not like they picked out a stranger from a crowd, went out on a first date with them and had sex. In the case of first date sex with someone they met online, they typically had a chance to connect with that person in some way, however brief. As mentioned earlier it could have been through the information gathered on that person’s dating profile or in the discussions they had on the dating site. Hence, they feel that to some degree they know this person, regardless of how ill-conceived that notion may be. Their brain has connected the dots and made them feel this way. In which case, first date sex that evolves naturally after the date may not seem inappropriate.


Now, are there people who abuse dating sites and use members for that specific purpose? Yes. Are these people in the minority? Absolutely. For the most part, people who use online dating sites are primarily seeking a connection that they do not have in their current life. That connection if found while on an online dating site can be a very powerful emotion. Sometimes these first dates that end in first date sex do develop into long term relationships. Sometimes they don’t. If it was just about sex, there are many other places online to find it quite easily. They wouldn’t have to go through the unnecessary charade of presenting themselves as a serious relationship seeker on a mainstream dating site.

In general, it’s about the connection. That emotion is powerful. To some, as sexual human beings, expressing that connection through sex on a first date may seem as normal and righteous as breathing.



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