Online Dating: Is Being Authentically Kind A Turn Off For Women?

Online Dating: Is Being Authentically Kind A Turn Off For Women?

No matter how well a conversation seems to be going with a woman you match with on a dating app, you inevitably receive this rejection message from her, “You’re a really a good, kind and nice guy, but…”

Whenever you receive this rejection message, your memory gets triggered with the last one you received that was along the same lines, and the one before that, and the one before that.

It has left you thinking that being authentically kind to women on dating apps is a turn off.

It’s not like you haven’t encountered this in real life either.

There have been several occasions in real life where you have courted women who ended up telling you that you are such a nice guy but it won’t work out for whatever reason.

You hoped that signing up on a dating app would make a difference, and that women would be more receptive to your kindness.

But alas, you are having the same ordeal with women on dating apps too.

Even though you don’t believe you are a pushover, you keep getting shot down by these women once you have had some time getting to know them and vice versa.

Its starts well enough.

You match and there are pleasantries exchanged.

You discover a few things in common.

There is laughter.

Polite gaffes.

Everything is transpiring splendidly.

You go to bed each night feeling good about the message exchange you had with her that day.

One day, you wake up with a smile on your face, looking forward to chatting with her again, and you see the dreaded rejection message.

Undoubtedly, it sinks your emotions and puts you in the saddest mood for the rest of the day.

As you drive to work, you are impervious to what is happening around you.

Besides watching the road ahead of you, your mind is filled with thoughts on why this happened again.

And now, you have to spend the next 8 hours at work consumed with this defeated feeling.

The conclusion that being an authentically kind guy to women is your Achilles heel overwhelms your thoughts as you sit at your cubicle pretending to be working.

You don’t get it.

Alright, enough with the pity party.

What you are going through isn’t anything new.

Lots of so-called nice guys have perennially complained that women are turned off by the authentically kind guy, blaming their failure with women on said kindness.

You know what?

Failure with women has nothing to do with being authentically kind.

No woman on this planet wants to be treated unkindly.

They are human, with emotions.

As a human being, it never feels good to be treated unkindly by anyone.

Receiving rejection messages from these women on dating apps has nothing to do with you being authentically kind.

It has everything to do with you playing it too safe.

You are too scared to say anything that turns her off or is controversial.

Too scared to express yourself and how you legitimately feel about a topic, even if it contradicts what she thinks about said topic.

Too quick to agree with her on everything, and too quick to reply to her messages.

In reading your reply, she instantly perceives how exceedingly excited you are to be talking to her as though you have no other dating options.

All of this has nothing to do with your kindness and everything to do with you being too eager to please and too available.

That is what turns women off.

You have to learn how to play the game.

Women respond to men who have no fear and who don’t come off as though they have no dating options.

This doesn’t mean you should stop being who you are.

Be authentically kind by all means, but play the game too.