Online Dating: When They Won’t Tell You What They’re Looking For?

Online Dating: When They Won't Tell You What They're Looking For?

Vague answers like, “I’m keeping my options open,” “I am open to whatever happens,” “I am not sure,” are what you hear over and over again with men you meet on online dating sites.

You want to know what they are looking for to ascertain whether there is mutual alignment.

Yet, their responses are so similar and predictable, you might as well be asking them whether they breathe daily.

Some of these men won’t tell you what they are looking for out of an abundance of caution.

They don’t want to put everything on the table, believing that telling you what they are looking for makes them too transparent.

Being this transparent is weak, or so they believe.

A few women they have encountered on dating sites have responded adversely to their transparency.

Upon discovering he was looking for a serious relationship, her attitude changed.

She wasn’t as attentive as she was before this revelation.

To him, it feels like she is reducing the attention out of a new perception of pressure.

Now that she knows he is looking for a serious relationship, she wonders whether she measures up and what his timetable is on getting this relationship.

All of a sudden, she isn’t responding to his messages as promptly as she used to, nor is she initiating messages to him at the same frequency she once did.

There is an air of added pressure that he had no intention of causing.

But it is happening and he is at a loss for what to do.

It’s not like he has any intention of proposing marriage to her tomorrow.

That doesn’t matter though because she is less available to him now and he is having to send her multiple messages to get a single response from her.

Some men have gone through this on dating sites with women and eventually conclude that they aren’t going to be as forthright with what they are looking for.

They are giving vague answers to the question of what they are looking for from now on so as to protect themselves.

Men who have responded to that question by telling the woman that they are strictly looking for hookups haven’t faired better either.

Women who have heard this response from these men have quickly unmatched said men.

These men know that telling a woman that they are looking for casual hookups does more to turn her off than turn her on.

Some tried being this outspoken in the past and what they were left with were many lonely Friday nights.

A change of tactic is inevitable.

The new course of action is to be vague in how they respond to the question of what they are looking for.

This is how they commit to the middle without identifying as the bad guy.

In vagueness, they aren’t committing to anything.

This leaves the woman with a decision to make.

In deciding to keep talking to him, she does so at her own risk.

Meaning, he bears no responsibility should their intentions not align.