Reading a dating profile with the phrases, “My kids come first,” or, “My kids come first before anything,” is a common occurrence on dating apps.
Yes, I can see why you swipe left on them.
For a woman to make those statements, it sets a bunch of alarm bells off in your head.
Why make a statement like that?
Is she trying to prove something by saying it?
Shouldn’t her kids come first anyway?
Why mention it in her dating profile?
All of a sudden, you are thinking about the prospect of having to date a single mom who cancels on dates on a whim, using the constant excuse that something came up with her kids, some sort of an emergency.
What about the father of those kids?
Statements like that on her dating profile have left you horrified at the thought of having to deal with him.
They signify her constant urge to prove that she is a good mother to him, which indicates that her relationship with him is contentious.
Hello baby daddy drama.
You want none of that.
On top of this, you are thinking that you would be a placeholder in her life if you were to date her.
The last thing you want is to be someone who fulfills the role of a placeholder, a person she calls whenever she is bored and doesn’t have the kids for a weekend.
So, you are quick to swipe left on these dating profiles.
You want no part of it.
I know where you are coming from.
It makes sense that the alarm bells in your head go off when you see dating profiles with, “My kids come first,” or, “My kids come first before anything.”
I get that.
A lot of her motivation behind making these statements stem from a place of insecurity and fear.
The fear of becoming vulnerable.
She had love for her ex, the father of those kids.
That love was betrayed.
The love she has from her kids is immense.
It is solid.
Now she has wrapped herself up in the unconditional love she gets from her kids.
This is the safest form of love.
Her love for them is never betrayed.
It is there when she gets up in the morning, as they run into her bedroom with hugs, and there at night, as they kiss her goodnight with tired eyes.
She never has to worry about this love betraying her.
It will never cheat on her.
Lie to her.
The love she receives from her kids is the purest and safest in the world.
This is a woman whose love had been betrayed by a partner and who now believes she has to wrap herself up in the safest love of all, the love of her kids.
With this mindset, she approaches every match she receives on a dating app with an eye of suspicion.
This is never a good thing.
She looks at every match through the lens of distrust, substituting said match with her ex.
This makes getting her to open up and trust you an uphill battle.
It’s not that this isn’t possible.
On a subconscious level, there is a part of her that knows she has a desire to fall in love again.
Though the thought of it is terrifying, given the betrayal she experienced with her ex.
It takes a really patient guy to be willing to go through the process of getting her to open up and trust again.
By the sounds of it, it doesn’t look like you are that guy.